I thought it might be helpful to hear peoples exposure stories. (Both successes and failures).

How did the WS handle it (if you are a FWS, what did you think at the time and now how do you feel), what did you do, etc . . .

grove,

I exposed my W's A to almost everyone that is close to us, except for her parents. I know that it is recommended to do so, but I couldn't bring myself to go that far. My W was very furious, and she harbored ill feelings for several weeks. However, now she understands why I did it, and it is not a sore subject, in fact she is now in the process of exposing it to her friends that I didn't contact for one reason or another. I believe that by my exposing her, it was very helpful for our recovery. Prior to me exposing her, she had been lying to all of our friends about the nature of her relationship with this OM. When I did this, many of her closest friends showed her a side of them that she didn't expect. I believe a lot of the reality of the situation came crashing down when I did this. Granted it took some time, because her initial response was that she felt I did it to "get back at her." I highly recommend exposing her A immediately!

I didn't have to expose, because the affair ended the second I confronted the OW, on the day I found out. I wish I would have known about MB back then, though. Even so, we started counseling shortly thereafter, and our counselor introduced us to MB.

Here are some. It's a link to an archived thread titled, Exposure of Affairs.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

Grovetucky..........how are things going with you???

I don't have the energy to type my exposure story.....*sigh*, just wondered how things were.

-Caren

Hi Caren,

As hard as it is to believe, things have actually gotten worse. Exposure to WW's boss failed, he says he can't and won't do anything.

Looks like wife has failed on every promise she made after d-day, with the final coming Thursday. She will be working with the OM next year. She never applied for another position in her school district.

There's no hope or miracles left and I am beside myself with grief and anger. I honestly thought she would pull this out and do the right thing.

You are right Grove, there are no miracles here. So, what is YOUR plan? What are YOUR actions going to be? Please remember that YOU are 100% responsible for your choice to stay in the marriage or tolerate her actions (or lack thereof). YOu are doing all of this by choice. That alone, should give some semblance of contol back. With all due respect, you are playing the victim here. You are failing to realize the POWER that you have to change YOUR life. In the end, you can't make your cheating wife do anything..but YOU CAN CHANGE.

Grief and anger are all normal reactions, and LOrd knows you are entitled to them, but when I see you say things like:

"I honestly thought she would pull this out and do the right thing"

I think you are in a dazed fog yourself. YOU HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU.....YOUR WW IS INCAPABLE OF THAT NOW.

Sourmale.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I honestly don't know what the right thing for me is. I don't want to divorce her, but what she has done is unacceptable. Not just the affair, but her behavior afterwards. I just can't believe someone could do this to anothe human being, but to do it to someone they have shared most of their life and claim to love, is unexplainable and I can't get a grip on it. It's so outside of the bounds of decency that I can't deal with it.

How can you make this work with someone so selfish and inconsiderate? What does this say about how she feels about me? I'm just totally lost.

Well, you don't have to get a divorce NOW, but you shouldn't also accept behavior that is unnaceptable. (For the record, I don't fully know your story, and I personally do NOT suscribe to the Plan A's for 6 months long, and then a letter, and then a PLan B and then...whatever). I don't want to misguide you into thinking I am advising something based on these plans..I think that you need to fully accept that yuor WW is choosing to do these things to you and your marriage.....while it is nice to be able to blame an alien for making her do this, you and I both know that is not the case. I don't have the anser to why a person can do this stuff. There are many people who think this is all based on an addiction to this OM, and that if you just meet your WW's emotional needs and "change" you will go a long way in winnign her back. COuld be, I don't know. You are not going to get a "miracle" here. It is in the end UP TO YOU to accept and tolerate what you can from your WW.

I do feel your pain and frustartion though...for what that is worth.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

SM

It looks at first glance that your wife has called your bluff. She put all her chips in and is daring your to raise. She is probably telling herself that she knows you and you won't take the next step so why should she give in. Just my opinion nothing else. Good Luck.

ILF, I think you are correct, she doesn't think I will actually go through with the divorce. She's not completely wrong. I really do not want a divorce, but I also do not want to continue with things the way the are. I wake up every day wondering what will happen next and what new betrayal will occur.

With the job change not happening, I'm left with very little else to do than file for divorce.

well, I didn't have to expose to anyone but his parents. Seems the whole town has known my H has been sleeping around, everyone but me. Just had to let my H know that I knew and knew all the details. Then I told him to leave. Pretty cut and dried. The OW's H knew about it too and tried to expose to me on several occassions but I was not home everytime. Give him credit for trying. My H certainly wasn't trying to hide his behaviour from anyone. Sad sick man he is.... mlhb

I'm sorry mlhb. I hate that you had to go through this.

I think most people knew my wife and the OM were up to something. I mean she sat at a table alone with him in front of half of the staff. She acts like it was no big deal. I think it's embarrassing and disrespectful.

We had a long talk today about divorce and staying together. Absent was any comments on her part about what she would do to rebuild the marriage.

Right now there's nothing to expose. A month from now it might be different, but I doubt it will be any of my business by then.

I exposed to MIL, SIL, OWH, WH's bosses and a couple of select friends. It was done all sort of "big-bang". I just sat down, grabbed a pack of cigs (I had started smoking again, that day) and some soda and started calling.

I found out that blood is indeed thicker than water. While the in-laws were, of course, so sorry that the worst was true, they ultimately have not condemned him for it and instead fall back to the safe "I just want you to be happy" place.

OWH has filed for divorce. This was his straw on top of an already bad marriage.

WH's bosses were oh so sorry to hear about it, but company has no policy against interoffice dating so there is nothing they could do. The VP went so far as to tell WH that he and OW make a "cute couple".

Select friends condemn WH and OW for the A in words but not actions.

WH insists that A is over and nothing further can happen with OW due to so much drama early on in the relationship.

grovetuckyohio, I am sorry too that I had to go through it but the truth has set me free shall we say. I am doing ok now. still have a lot of H's things here, he just left about 3 weeks ago. I am packing his stuff. He is storing a lot here until he finds a permanent apartment. But it will be in boxes as I don't want to look at it. As far as me, I am taking great care of myself, lost almost 50 pounds so far, tan, walk 2 hours a day, start school in the fall for nursing and hopefully a new job soon. Getting my life in order. I would not have done all of this if H was still here and none of this had been exposed to me. I was so depressed with our marriage it was all I could do to get through the day. Never again will I let that happen. I am sad, hurt, and angry, but I really didn't have much of a marriage for many years now. I must admit that to myself. It hurts that he didn't just leave the marriage if he wanted to live the bachelor life. I will never have that answer. I have asked him a hundred times, why didn't you just leave? That is what hurts the most. But it is done and over with and I must move on in a healthy manner and meet myself the man I deserve. Will settle for nothing less ever again. mlhb