Dear Shannon,

I am sorry for what I've done in helping make it possible for you to have an affair. I too, am sorry for neglecting our relationship as I did; and that I wasn't there when you needed me to be there for you the most.

I am willing and properly prepared to avoid our past mistakes and create a new marriage for us that will make us both happy, but I can't do that until you can stop seeing other men and commit fully to our marriage.

Until that time I will avoid seeing or talking with you, I will not be able to help you financially.

I ask that you respect my decision to seperate from you this way. You have to know how much I am suffering, how much I have endured because of your affair. I can't be with you knowing you are with someone else. I still love you, but that love is quickly dwindling; I can't be lied to anymore.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair(s), and willing to do the things neccessary to make sure there is no contact, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to rebuild our marriage someday. I want it to be filled with great joy while we satisfy each others needs. I never want us to do anything to hurt each other again. I want to be your best friend, always there for you and I want you to be my best friend.

I loved you when I married you and I love you now. I just cannot be with you or help you while you are seeing/having an affair. If you cannot end contact with other men and decide that being together is not what you want in life; then I will move on with my life; making this my last goodbye. If this is the case; thank you for the wonderful friendship you've given me over these past six years. I will never forget the love we shared during the last two.

All my love
Fox

So...those who have followed my story; I missing anything? Should I add or delete anything?

i hate the weekends! no one is ever on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Fox"

Sounds good, for the love of God, just send the damn thing and remove yourself from this chaos and drama that you are in. When I was 20 years old, I was out hanging out with friends, going to frat parties, playing b-ball, playing college football, dating 50 women......NOT dealing with issues that are entirely ridiculous for someone like you to be dealing with. You are NEVER going to have the chance to experience life like you can when you are in college, and yet you are living like you are 50 years old with 5 kids to support. WTF? You should please consider the bigger picture here. You are potentially setting yourself up here for a lifetime of utter and complete dysfunction with this woman. You are 20 yo dude. You have a long life to live. You have had enough bad $hit happen to you to last 7 lifetimes. Please realize that a PLan B letter and the undoubtedly further "games" that will come with the Wayward, and which you will no doubt actively participate in, will be akin to rearranging chairs on the titanic.

Sometimes, I really wonder if you are missing the bigger picture here. I don't really wonder actualy, I know it.

You don't have "history", and you don't have children. You are getting a get out of jail card here, and yet you don't have a clue.

I know that you want Plan B advice and all of that other strategy stuff to win the WW back, but I just hope you don't lose sight of these things. WIth your Wayward Wife and her character, my one line of advice for you would be:

"Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it".

Sour...

Fox
I'm no plan B expert at all, didn't have to go there, but I wonder if you need to spell out the basic things that would need to be addressed aside from NC & stopping A of course.

You know, MC, IC, POJA, etc etc, before you could ever consider fighting again for your M.

My suggestion is to add those boundaries you feel you need to have before any real discussions could ever take place.

Email or post it to her and go back to college/Uni and STAY dark.
DO not ans emails, or letters or messages passed on UNLESS its about wanting to find out how to do those things to save the M. If she manages to get you on the phone ask one question..Are you ready to commit to those things to save our M? YES is the only ans you should accept to go on with the call. Anything else you respond to by saying Shannon you know the boundaries I set out in my letter, when you want to discuss those please ring again..then HANG UP.

Fox, I feel for you to have a happy life eventually, you need to go back to school, settle down there again, and wait a month before thinking about any decision. Study, make friends, renew old ones, dont go wild and hard as it may be, dont get bitter. Its easy to do so and make a fool of yourself & thats experience talking.
If you have got no clear response from her I feel you should process the D paper work then and just sit back.
My gut feeling - remember I've been out with gils in this mode too and I was much the same - is that if your moves by then do not shock her out of it to seek help, then frankly nothing will for a long time, years I'd say, and you are just spending time in limbo for no benefit to her or you.

I'm sorry it has come to this fox, I was hoping I was wrong about her behaviour. But I've been through it a few times with some of my young troopers and saw the same signs.
I wouldn't expect anything mate, but miracles do happen, just dont expect too much.

One last revision to the letter; added marriage counseling in as a boundary.

Is this final letter good for sending? Lemon - I know what you think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dear Shannon,

I am sorry for what I've done in helping make it possible for you to have an affair. I too, am sorry for neglecting our relationship as I did; and that I wasn't there when you needed me to be there for you the most.

I am willing and properly prepared to avoid our past mistakes and create a new marriage for us that will make us both happy, but I can't do that until you can stop seeing other men and commit fully to our marriage.

Until that time I will avoid seeing or talking with you, I will not be able to help you financially either; I will switch the bills at the apartment into my name. If you need your TV from the Irizarry's you can come get it when you need to; I will find somewhere to go when you come.

I ask that you respect my decision to seperate from you this way. You have to know how much I am suffering knowing that you are seeing other men; as well as how much I have endured because of these affairs; be them mental, physical, or emotional. I can't be around you knowing you are seeing other people. I still love you, but that love is quickly dwindling; I can't be lied to anymore.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair(s), and willing to do the things neccessary to make sure there is no contact, as well as participating in things we need to work on as a team to ensure a successful rebuilding of our marriage and the security of any future children we might have, like marriage counseling; I will be willing to discuss our future together. There will still be a spot in our bed for you should you make this decision.

I want us to rebuild our marriage someday; I know how important this marriage was to both of us when we went into it and we still have a wonderful opportunity to live a divorce-free, happy life together. I would love for it to be filled with great joy while we satisfy each others needs. It would be great to see us never do anything to hurt each other again. I want to be your best friend and a loving husband, always there for you - one who will never hurt you again; I know you would like this too. I want you to be happy.

I loved you when I married you and I love you now. I just cannot be with you or help you while you are seeing other people/having an affair. If you cannot end contact with other men and decide with a whole heart and no doubt that being together is not what you want in life; then I will move on with my life; making this my final goodbye. If this is the case; I want to thank you for the wonderful friendship you've given me over these past six years. I will never forget the love and the memories we shared during the last two.

Until then, I need to separate and keep safe the love that I hold in my heart for you.

All my love -
Aaron

send it and go dark....pitch black brutha....

no contact for anything other than re-commitment.

Got it?

pitch friggin black!

you'll be amazed at how much better you will feel now that you are in control...

You do know you are in control right?

All this is your decision to make...you have the power, not her

Pitch Black....send it now

A few suggestions, Fox? I used to be an editor in another life, so I've done a little nip and tuck to make this more susinct and to the point. I've shored up areas where I thought you sounded "whiny" or were taking too much blame on yourself. And I chucked out extra sentences that were confusing and tended to distract from the message of your letter. Here's what I came up with:

_____________________________________________

Dear Shannon,

I am sorry for neglecting our relationship as I did and that I wasn't there when you needed me. I know that I was not the husband that you needed me to be and I truly regret this.

I am willing to learn from our past mistakes and create a new marriage for us that will make us both happy, but I can't do that until you stop seeing other men and commit fully to us. I also need you to agree to going to marital counseling with me if you want our marriage to survive.

Until you decide to work whole-heartedly on our marriage, I cannot see you or talk with you, I will not be able to help you financially, either; I will switch the bills at the apartment into my name. If you need your TV from the Irizarry's you can come get it when you need to; I will find somewhere to go when you come.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You have to know how much I am suffering knowing that you are seeing other men, as well as how much I have endured because of these affairs; be them mental, physical, or emotional. I can't be around you knowing you are seeing other people. I still love you, but that love is quickly dwindling and will soon be lost; I can't be lied to anymore.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair(s) and go to marriage counseling, I will be willing to discuss our future together. Until then, I need to separate and keep safe the love that I hold in my heart for you.

I want us to rebuild our marriage, to heal these hurts and move on, together in a happy, thriving marriage. I want to be your best friend and a loving husband, always there for you - one who will never hurt you again.

But I am also ready to move on with my life if you feel you cannot meet my two requirements for saving our marriage. If that is the case, then this is my final goodbye and I want to thank you for the wonderful friendship you've given me and the love and memories we've shared.

All my love -
Aaron

I like the letter but I would change the "move on" to 'move forward'. Gives better direction.

I don't like to see a BS grovel with apology too much so shortening it up for me is best.

I think you and Snowbelle did a good job.

Remember what we talked about...... your mind and heart must be in sync before you go ahead with this. Why? Because the wave of events to follow will be full of ups and downs. You need t/b surefooted in your personal resolve to withstand the wave.

Yea I know, I speak about the waves because I'm supposed t/b able to go to the beach but in reality I have to go to work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> The worst thing is I have to go to work with a WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Maybe he won't be in this morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Snow, Orchid - unfortunately I sent the letter before your revisions. I'm sure its not a huge problem.

You say I'm in control of the situation; but I don't feel like it...maybe this is because she hasn't responded - I don't know. Don't really feel like she cares anymore, or...if I do.

Fox,

She is not supposed to respond, you are in plan B. You should not hear from her until the affairs are over and that will take awhile. You sent her a love letter expressing your feelings and now it is time to move "forward" as was suggested it be phrased, and I like the suggestion.

You will be back at Pullman in a few weeks. You should be worrying about the Huskies, rather than this, but I know you will worry about this mess for a long time. Focus on school, your life, your spirit, and your future. The rest will take care of itself.

God Bless,

JL

LOL...that's an excellent way of putting things in perspective.

Also....PlanB and going dark doesn't mean that you sit there waiting for a phone to ring that you are not going to answer...or sitting there and playing back the voicemails. Nor does it mean that you read the emails or letters she is going to be sending.

Too many times I have seen posters who are in Plan B start looking for those attempts at contact. They will listen to voicemails...and they will read emails...and it just gives them their own little fix.

When...and I mean WHEN (because it will happen) their WS stops trying to contact them they totally lose it...it's even worse to watch than D-Day.

Again, Don't let her attempts in contacting you be your little fix of her. It will backfire on you if you do.

JMHO
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