Alright - its done. I sent the letter. This is the final copy:

Dear Shannon,

I am sorry for what I've done in helping make it possible for you to see other men. I too, am sorry for neglecting our relationship as I did; and that I wasn't there when you needed me to be there for you the most.

I am willing and properly prepared to avoid our past mistakes and create a new marriage for us that will make us both happy, but I can't do that until you can stop seeing other men and commit fully to our marriage.

Until that time I will avoid seeing or talking with you, I will not be able to help you financially either; I will switch the bills at the apartment into my name. If you need your TV from the Irizarry's you can come get it when you need to; I will find somewhere to go when you come.

I ask that you respect my decision to seperate from you this way. You have to know how much I am suffering knowing that you are seeing other men; as well as how much I have endured because of these affairs; be them mental, physical, or emotional ones. I can't be around you knowing you are seeing other people. I still love you, but that love is quickly dwindling; I can't be lied to anymore.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair(s), and willing to do the things neccessary to make sure there is no contact, as well as participating in things we need to work on as a team to ensure the successful rebuilding of our marriage and the security of any future children we might have, like marriage counseling; I will be willing to discuss our future together. There will still be a spot in our bed for you should you make this decision.

I want us to rebuild our marriage someday; I know how important this marriage was to both of us when we went into it and we still have a wonderful opportunity to live a divorce-free, happy life together. I would love for it to be filled with great joy while we satisfy each others needs. It would be great to see us never do anything to hurt each other again. I want to be your best friend and a loving husband, always there for you - one who will never hurt you again; I know you would like this too. I want you to be happy.

I loved you when I married you and I love you now. I just cannot be with you or help you while you are seeing other people. If you cannot end contact with these other men and decide with a whole heart and no doubt that being together is not what you want in life; then I will move on with my life; making this my final goodbye as both your husband and your friend. If this is the case; I want to thank you for the wonderful friendship you've given me over these past six years. I will never forget the love and the memories we shared during the last two.

Until then, I need to separate and keep safe the love that I hold in my heart for you.

All my love -
Aaron

--------------------------------------------

Thus begins the journey to Plan D; or, by some act of God - the rebuilding of this marriage. We'll see what happens. For now - I'm heading to bed. God bless you all; and thank you for all of the advice and support.

Let the recovery begin. Wish me luck!

Now, go dark and stay DARK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I can already tell this is going to be extremely hard.

I can't sleep - I feel miserable; it all came out of nowhere. I feel incredibly sick to my stomach; especially knowing that my W is out at a club right now grinding on several random guy's junk who she doesn't know - giving them an undeserved raise.

I feel extremely odd; I can't pinpoint the feeling - whether its sadness or indifference; all I know is that I feel very sick like I'm going to vomit..I will thank the Lord when this all draws to a close...

Thus concludes the first entry of a hopefully short process; God grant me strength..

It's 4 in the morning - I still cannot sleep. My eyes are so heavy I can barely keep my lids open; but the pounding and aching in my heart won't allow me to fall asleep.

I think the true shock from D-Day is just now beginning to set in; the anger has subsided and now my heart has taken a direct shot - the pain of this betrayal is numbing; I don't feel human right now..

Maybe the sleep will come soon - I hope so. To top if off, I believe I forgot my medication; my hands are shaking violently...

I'm going to go pray and try to sleep again..

Fox, it's like a roller-coaster, this ride you are on, isn't it?

One minute you think you've found a bit of stregnth and peace, the next minute, you get hit with all the emotions all over again...

Man, I'm soooo sorry you have to go through all this. My heart is aching for you. I'm remembering the nights I was up... sleep prohibited by the sheer intensity of my wretched misery... Gaaahhhh...

No advice here... just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that this feeling doesn't last forever. (small consolation right now, I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />)

Take care, Bro.

John

Fox,

No matter what you do, STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!

You are such a young man and you have a "life" ahead of you, no matter what.
If your "WS" smartens up or not, you will have reasons to be prowd of yourself.

This is going to be a lesson that will leave a "Lifelong" impression on you.............if you do it the right way, you will "grow" and you will find the "right" direction!!!!

I hope that made sence.

It is time for you to work on "Yourself"........concentrate on yourself and do things to make "YOU" feel good about yourself, no matter how hard it may seem to be for you.

Learn to "let go" because it is up to your WS to become who she truely wants to be. It is up to her to make her own decisions and she will have to live with that.

It's terrible what you are going through and I feel with you from the bottom of my heart. It's cruel how much pain others put on us without "thinking"!!!!!

Don't try to make sence out of it because it doesn't make sence and it never will.

Move on..........don't let the pain eat you........that is what Plan B is for. If your WS smartens up, she will be a "lucky" woman, if not..................who knows.

It will be "Your" decision whether you want to continue this marriage, remember that!!!!!

bb

Fox,

The pain you feel is your heart shattering... I know its really tough but you have to stay firm on your conditions you put on your plan B letter and not cave. If you cave you will go back to square one. What your WW is participating in is not marriage. You need to get away from that cancer.

Be strong... you will have a good life regardless of whether it includes WW or not. Start living your life for yourself not for WW!

Best of luck,

Miker

Aaron,
I am so sorry for what you are feeling right now. I have been there and know it is tough. Heck, with the way the coaster is, I might be there again. I am finally getting to the point that when WW makes a remark that she intends to hurt me with, it rolls off like water off of a duck's back. I dont even get wet anymore. And that is a good thing.
At one point when I was down, a friend told me...."this too shall pass." Truer words were never spoken, and now I will say the same to you. I pray that you will know that you are never alone! You have never been, and are not alone now. God's hand is at work in your life and he knows what waits on the other side of this for you. Just allow His will to be done and you will be blessed.
I know that many folks here have referenced your age and the fact that your whole life is in front of you. I can imagine that it is hard to take that to heart right now while you are hurting so bad. I know that you have been dealt some very tough hands in your young life. It may be hard for you to see right now, but I totally believe that in the future you will look back on this as a speed bump. I also believe that if you will allow it, God will use the evil in your life for good. Keep coming to this board for support Aaron. These wonderful folks here will get you through this and you will get to a point where you will have peace and hope for the future.

God's blessings on you!