Hello,
I am new here. My husband and I are coming up on our 20th anniversary. We have raised 3 kids, they are 22, 19 and 17. We own our own business, bought the Big house this past January and drive nice cars. I stay at home and keep the <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=64' target='_blank'>books</a> for the business, clean up after everyone, listen to the family drama and keep my nose in a book as much as possible.
My husband has Always kept "outside activities". He has always had <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=86' target='_blank'>jobs</a> that were 50-60 hour a week <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=86' target='_blank'>jobs</a>. That means that when we were in Church he would be there, when he wasn't at work, and I would be at home raising the kids, alone. After several years of my "nagging" about him being there, and not even taking out the garbage or mowing a lawn for me, he changed his ways.
He decided that "leisure activities" were the better way for him to go. He had a client that flew RC aircraft and that seemed like great fun. Now I stayed home with the kids while he worked or flew RC planes. The few times that I tried to join in, with the kids, I got to sit in the hot sun and watch him-what joy-and listen to him yell at the kids.
When my husband became bored with that he uncovered a hidden desire. Something that he had secretly wanted his whole life, but didn't have the time or money for. Drag Racing. Him and his father started hitting the local track. It wasn't often and they took two of our kids with them. The side benefit was that now when he was home on the weekend I could view him, spread out on our couch, watching racing on TV. It is televised ALL weekend.
Four years ago my husband, age 38 at the time, had his first heart attack. Within 2 weeks I found out that he had commissioned a Drag Race Car. He said that the cost was $17,000 and was so very sad for hiding it from me. I also learned that those IRS forms I had been signing for 3 years had never been mailed. I had never been allowed to see our business <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=64' target='_blank'>books</a>. It took almost six months for him to let me see them after this. He finally dumped them on me as though he hoped that I wouldn't be able to do any more with them than he had.
I ended up on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.
I was weeks getting this mess straight. Late one night I ran into 3 cancelled checks, one for $20,000, one for $10,000, the last for another $20,000. They were for the engine for the dragster. The room spun and I almost passed out. He was out of town that week, in fact he was at a drag race that night (a break from a job site). I called him. Once again, he was so sorry for hiding that from me.
For me, this was the year from [censored]. My kids turned against me completly. How could I be so unreasonable. Dad worked hard and should have some fun. I needed to get over it. My husband has held to his own statement. If I don't like it I can always get out. But, he does love me.
I just keep taking my pills like a "good girl" and cleaning the house and keeping the <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=64' target='_blank'>books</a>.
It took 3 years to get the IRS paid up-we owed in excess of $100,000. My husband promised that he wouldn't lie to me anymore. I agreed to let him race the car for 3 years, it still isn't ready to hit the track. Three weeks ago he wanted to haul it down to a car show for a weekend. He told me that a local trailer dealer was supplying the trailer in exchange for advertising. After the trailer didn't leave our side yard for two weeks, and he had said that the dealership was in no hurry (given several excuses for it still being here) I finally got my courage together and confronted him. Yes, he bought it. Yes, he lied to me. and the old standby, if I don't like it I can leave.
He has always yelled at me when I ask for time. He claims that I want all of his time and he would have to not work and sit at home to satisfy me. He goes totally overboard and will not be reasonable. Our kids are just like him. He doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to follow him out to the race track or sit and watch him watch the races and sleep all weekend. Or why I don't get out and get a life of my own. But, he loves me.
He says that NO man wants to be stuck with his wife all the time. The only time he has ever touched, hugged or given any affection to me it has been followed up with suggestions of sex. Most conversation is about the business or short comings of my son-then I end up pointing out the short comings of our children and it goes downhill from there.
I never wanted a <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=163' target='_blank'>divorce</a>. We were Christians. We left Church over all of this, he slowed down about a year before the Dragster, and I left when I found out that everyone there knew about it and no-one felt it was their business to tell me. I had always felt hurt and bitter as I watched my friends with their husbands. All of them seemed to have so much. I still look at these people and wonder why God left me out. My husband and those with knowledge in these things have sited my husbands "Free Will".
I must have the lowest self worth in the history of the world. I still don't want a <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=163' target='_blank'>divorce</a>. I want Him to turn around. I love him, I love my house, I don't want to here about how he found someone to take my place and is treating her well because he learned his lesson when he lost me. I have no marketable skills, I am overweight. I don't see a future for myself.
Given what I have shared does anyone have anything to offer? Am I unreasonable?
Thankyou
