We seperated for a week. She managed not to see om(stayed with relatives that monitored her whereabouts closely), but I am sure they still speak via email and phone.Everytime we talk now I don't beleive anything she is saying. Even in a casual conversation I find myself thinking screw her.She cheated on me twice before I found out 5 weeks ago.Since then she has seen om 2 more times that i know of. The last time being the night before our 7th anniversary.She actually had the nerve to ask me to celebrate thinking I didn't know.That is when i kicked her out for a week.She is coming home tonight and wants to go out. Yeech. I don't think i can be around her without snapping because her attitude is thatI am supposed to earn her feelings back. Excuse me!! I definetly don't want to kiss her royal [censored]. ant advice on how to handle tonight. I don't want it to be miserable.I just have so much anger toward her. I had sweet wife now i have a self serving b$%ch with apparently no conscience.

Who is the OM? Tell me everything you know about him. Has she agreed to end all contact with him?

And why did she say she was coming home?

It never ceases to amaze me. Every single story except for the setting sounds exactly the same. Is it because it takes a certain personality trait to cheat? How can every story be darn near identical?

Navyredman -

That is why, after you have been here awhile, you can almost predict who is cheating, and what they will say next.
It is truly amazing.

So do you think it's a personality trait? Because if it is, it sure could save a whole lot of people a whole lot of pain. I understand that an A is usually spontanious(sp) but obviously the WS has to be in a certain situation to have an affair.

What I'm getting at is for all the stories to be the same the way the are, it only makes sense that it pertains to a certain type of person. One that everybody would want to avoid, or make sure that they know how or what EN's to fill before the relationship begins.

I know personally if I had known the pain I would be reaping at the cost of my wife that I would have skipped the beautiful times I had. The only thing that I got out of it that I would want to have without hesitation is my beautiful baby daughter. So in that respect I guess it's a toss up.

I think you understand my point though.

No, Navyredman. I don't think it is a personality trait for most. The majority accidentally fall in "love", and then the brain chemicals take over - remember highschool?

But it is uncanny how they say the same words, have the same logic, etc. For example, they have to justify their horrible behavior, so they rewrite the history of the marriage.

Remember, most of them come back to the marriage, and can't believe they ever did it in the first place.

I do remember that falling in love feeling, when it was new. I remember it like it was yesterday with my wife. As a matter of fact I can remember falling in love with her. I remember how she looked, where she was standing, how she smelled, and how I felt.

However, knowing how strong that feeling was, I know that I would never be able to do what she is doing.

That's why I was thinking personality trait as opposed to just blind "love" I believe that there are some people that an A would never happen to. Me being one of them. I've had my chances, but I would never act on a situation. One of them was so beautiful to me, and so nice, and so willing. I told her several times that I was married and although I thought she was beautiful and nice, that I was madly in love with my wife. She eventually stopped coming around. I was never tempted though.

I don't know the answer. I know I always protected the marriage. I tried to honor my husband. For most women, there needs to be an emotional connection. I tried to keep boundaries when dealing with men.

I work with all men, and always have. I am great friends with some of them, but never talked about personal problems, or listened to theirs. Basically anything in our conversation would be okay if my husband heard it.

But I think some people are more careless. Then they get entrapped before they know it. And it is all downhill from there. And it is a downhill slide. Very, very few to on to have fulfilling relationships with the affair partner.

If the marriage is not saved, they usually end up breaking up with the affair partner, and maybe moving on to someone else.

Agreed yes,for the second time in fact, but will she probably not. He is just some shmo she met on a short trip with a girlfriend. He is the friend of a mutual friend. I hired a pI to find out everything my ww won't tell me.He has a girlfriend that he is not happy with. How convienient. Basically my ww is a coward and he is a coward. Maybe they are ment to be.

If you have too much anger right now, why is she being allowed to return? It should be more like:

Xws: May I please return home?

BS: Not sure, what are your intentions?

Xws: I want to do my best to fix our M and restore your trust in me.

BS: That will take some work. What can you show me now to help me beleive this is your true objective?

Xws: Well I don't have anything to show yet. I was hoping you'd just take my word for it.

BS: _________________________________!

What do you think a BS should say? Does it sound like a positive convo....yet?

Hm.....

L.

kdh, I would make life as difficult as possible for loverboy. Call his gf, call his parents, call your mutual friends and expose him. Expose him for the cockroach he is. That will make the affair very difficult for him.

In the meantime, I would ask her to put her money where her mouth is and send a letter of no contact that is written together and mailed by you. It will be interesting to see her reaction to your request. Here are some samples: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018918;p=0#000000

And kdh, remember: NO LOVEBUSTERS,ok?

I can't make life difficult for him because i have no way of contacting any of the people you are talking about. I can't afford a PI.I don't even know this guy. we have one mutual friend (ex friend for me) that doesn't want to get involved. That is why I am so frustrated. Her family and friends know how much of a cokroach he is but nobody knows him at all.All I have is cell phone records that hve proved usless in locating an address or anything.My ww won't give him up, she thinks she is in love now.
LOVEBUSTERS: You mean like her text messaging the om right in front of me. Or sneaking off with him the day before our anniversary. Are those the love busters you are talking about!!?? I can't take that crap and try to be all polite about it. I admire you if you have that skill. I don't.

kdh, I DO NOT have that skill either. I could never ever do Plan A. If you feel like you can't deal with this, it might be better to let her stay at her sisters and let her come home when the affair is done.

Is she agreeing to end contact? Also, if you have his cellphone #, I think you can get his name.