LM,

Wondering now that you've been here a year, what your perspective is vs. when you 1st came here.

LMAO........I cannot and will not believe that someone knew this or actually noticed this..........LOFAO.

I will have to think about your questions and respond after I have had some rest and a good shower, and a nice cup of coffee. I just finished a 36 hour shift and now have off for 10 days.......[censored] yeah.

Sour......happy MB birthday to me.

Even funnier....look how many posts you have within that 1 year. More than the 3 years I've been here.

If you're willing to share, tell us who you are now, vs who you were when you showed up here a year ago, etc.

Well, I was a rather arrogant, know it all hot shot junior level attending at a University Medical Center on the East coast before all of this $hit happened......suffice is to say, if none of this happened I would stil be where I was then today. I thought I was the "[censored]". I had a 4500 square foot house in a gated community, 2 european model cars, and a membership to a Golf Club where it takes $50,000 just to buy "stock" to join....in hindsight, what a bunch of BS. I had a beautiful wife who I adored with everything in my heart and she essentially ripped my heart out one night on our 2nd D-day. That day will really live as a day of infamy for me. It is that gaping hole that has taken me the days since the 2nd D day to heal, and it that process I am who I am today. I am still not sure what that answer is though. It is a construction under progress. I am a better human being today then I was then. I am a beter doctor then I was then. I am somemone that I am proud of....I could have never said those words in the perevious 35 years of my life. Affairs are deadly......they can kill all soul, kill a father, kill a mother, kill a child......not necessarrily literally, but certainly figureatively. In this life, many of us are asked to stand up to challenges that few can muster the strength to survive. "Surviving the fall" is what I will someday enittle my book....LOL

(more later)

I have wondered about your story, too, lemonman. I'll be following this thread with interest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

There is a thread on my D Day entitled "Lemonman's story". That should sum up part of the issues for me and give you some background. I don't know where to find the thing though.

Sour....

Lemonman -

Happy MB BD. Yours is a fascinating story and I hope someone can find it. Won't be me though.

It doesn't seem like you have been here that long. But I do appreciate your point of view. When I read a thread and see you post, it's like "What is LM gonna say about this one?!"

It's almost like you have a reputation to uphold here.

It's here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

-ol' 2long

Wow, what a story. Your perspective is valuable here. God bless your continued personal recovery!

Interesting story, lemonman. I do like the 'surgical' manner in which you tend to post sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~A

Yes, I do have a tendency to see many things as "black" or "white" and hence my frustrations at indecision and "waffling". I literally cannot stomach sometimes the indecision and conflict avoiding that BS go through here. I have improved though and am getting better. We all have our "own" issues. Thanks for the post.

Sour...

LOL

I adore you Sour-boy ...

I remember saying the following to you:

"If the only tool you have is a hammer ... everything looks like a nail."

Do you remember this?

Well ... my observation about you is this :

Lemonman has new tools and his big bad hammer (although always at the ready ) is no longer a knee-jerk reaction .... his hammer is more thoughtful and more carefully swung, and deadly accurate because of it's more appropriate use.

Accept this as a compliment and then let me see you glowing from yourowngoodness <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I remember it well. I remember chuckling to myself because it was so right. I still want to occassionaly hammer "hem"nails with reckless abandon, but have learned better ways to do it. This is why I still post. I am not trying to save my marriage, but the lessons and inspiration I have picked up here I do not think I could have gotten from any other outlet in MY LIFE. Maybe this is kind of selfish ofme, because I take from this forum a lot more than people can ever imagine, and I want to try and give something back.

It is funny what a year can do. That is why I always want the down trodden and the emotionally devestated to know that "YOU NEVER KNOW" what is in store for your life. You just don't know. I am single, and do not have any specific prospects, and I am as happy as I have ever been. I am not perfect, and I still have "life" struggles as all of you do (recovered, divorced, newly betrayed) alike. But it does get better. It really does.

Sour.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Great story lemonman! It will be nice to find out where I am emotionally in a year from now. As of right now everything is such in a flux. I appreciate you and the other vets here who take the time to offer opinions on A's and how to get through such an emotional time. After reading your post I also agree that some affairs happen because of character flaws in the individual. In my WW's case, I would put a low self esteem in being a factor. MB has been great in my spiritual awakening and understanding within the last few months. Your posts and others have really helped me in starting a new life.

LM,

You remind me of what I think is the most important aspect of recovering from infidelity - and that is "personal recovery".

We don't talk enough about it on this board - because a personal recovery is independent of marriage recovery. MR is dependent on both parties - yet personal recovery is about the person, whether they are the BS, WS or OP.

Your story is about personal recovery....and that's what I think the lesson is in your story. At least for me.

SH believes that not every marriage can or should be saved. He is very supportive of personal recoveries and helped me with mine.

If personal recovery doesn't happen along with MR - what I've seen is at about the 6th month mark of MR in some cases, the BS "hits the wall" and wonders what's going on and why. With the marriage recovering they still feel a loss; and that's often when personal recovery first occurs to many.

>I am a better human being today then I was then.

YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've tempered you arrogance nicely with a few shots of humility and compassion.

And you still tell it like it is....how's that for growth? ;-)

- Kimmy

Lemonman/SM:

You are indeed an intelligent man. I get the impression that you are also caring and compassionate.

I just don't understand the need for name-calling, referring to Steve Harley as the POPE and some of us as THE ZEALs..

It doesn't seem necessary to me for you to do this in order to be helpful and to make your points...

Of course, I've never been a great fan of curse words either...

If it matters at all to you, I sincerely believe that Steve Harley is a genuinely kind MAN. I am not that trusting initially and I am also very intuitive...He was a GODSEND to me and like any other HUMAN BEING, though, certainly can make mistakes...I'm even willing to say that I am almost absolutely sure that when he does make mistakes, he admits to them...

Mimi
This is what I think about your (excellent) point

Lemonman is insecure with his level of knowledge when it comes to relationships/marriage.

Secure people do not resort to name-calling or demeaning another's area of expertise.

Sarcasm like this is a way to avoid ... something painful or embarrasing.

Mimi ... there is nothing LM can say that diminishes SH's worth or value as a marriage expert.

This only exposes Lemonman's insecurity, not SH's weaknesses.

and

that's OK!

LM has every reason to feel insecure in the area of marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ... but to his credit, he's here, he's learning ... and he seems willing to acknowledge his lack of skills.

PEP:

I agree with every bit of your post.

I'm certainly GLAD that LM is here, for HIMSELF as well as others.

I'm hoping he will continue to join ME in PERSONAL GROWTH...

This post was about that, too.

Me, being able to share with him without FIGHT OR FLIGHT...