My FWW's A started at a bar that she was new to. She would go there alone Wednesday nights after spending the evening with her parents to unwind and sing before coming home. We both never worried about her doing this and she certainly never thought of having an A because of how much we love each other.
After a couple of months she met people that she became friends with (one of them being the OM). She became especially close to two of them (not including the OM) that she really liked talking to and spending time with. She was very open and front about her marriage and told everyone that she was happy.
As time went on the OM and her became close and the “friends” never stepped in to prevent what was happening. She tells me that they never encouraged her, but they also never stopped her and said she was making a mistake.
Since D-day and the NC with OM she has not gone to that bar or seen her new friends. She does, on the other hand, have phone conversations with them and updates them on our status.
My problem is that whenever I hear her cell phone ring it acts as a trigger for me. I pretty much know that it is her friends and, naturally, I fear that it could be the OM. So far he has not called on her cell phone but has called twice at her office. The last time she told him to stop calling as she originally requested and once again he said he would respect her wishes (yeah, right).
For now (and this could change with time) I’m uncomfortable with her seeing or talking to those friends because I think it creates triggers for both of us, especially her. Every time she talks to them she is subconsciously reminded of the place, events, and activities with the OM and the A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
So this leads me to my thought and question. I’m not sure how to handle my wife’s friends. My view is that they were not “real” friends because by them not stopping the A it was almost as if they were approving it. I should also add that one of those friends is a co-worker/friend of the OM. Should the WS be encouraged to have NC with them also?
I need to be fair and say that I have never met them so I cannot judge them. I'm wondering if I should meet her friends so they can see the progress we are making and then maybe they would encourage her to keep up the good work.
