My story is similar to many others here in MB. WH is on his second "A" in our 24 years of marriage. The last one was a PA with L 10 yrs ago. This one started as an EA, but each day is revealing more and more that it is beyond that.

I've come to figure out that WH is a master of lies and deceptions and I am tired and worn out from it all. I know what I have to do, but find it hard to take that first step. Getting M at 19 and never being on my own makes this journey into a new life almost unbearable to imagine.

My kids have been my comfort zone and the thought of leaving our home just tears me up but emotionaly but I don't see any other way to try and get my life figured out. They are young adults but 1 still lives and home and the other comes home weekends from college. I would never ask them to take sides but this is their home and I've been trying to imagine what it is going to be like to not see the one every night and the other every weekend.

The strength I feel one day seems to evaperate the next. One minute I am ready to go look for a place, the next minute I seem to be putting it off. My WH does not help any, he acts like nothing should be wrong...still telling me "I Love you" everytime I turn around. Still thinks we should be sharing the meals together, talking..etc. All I want is to be left alone but he just refuses to give me the space I need.

Any tips out there on how to "move forward". Get the strength to make this life change? For a women who has always felt strong and not afraid to make decisions in the past, I now feel like a weak in the knees wimp who can't even decide what to wear each day.

BW 43
WH 45
D-days 9/95, 6/05

Sorry to see you are in this kind of situation. Have you read and understand MB concepts ?. Could you do plan A ? The purpose of plan A is to separate WH from OW and there are many side benefits to help you moving on. You have no regret if your M would end in Dv. You could practice and fix whatever part you have contributed in this mess such that you are ready for your next R. Give you time to prepare to be on your own.

Have A been exposed ?. You need support system. People that you could trust and talk to and make sure it is not opposite sex, family members are better.

If you decide to separate, do have a mean to support yourself or do you have to file ?.

You are a very strong woman, you are not weak at all. You are starring at A and you could handle yourself. Not many people would be able to do so.

-rh-

Yes I have done a lot of reading here, all of the MB concepts etc. as well as some other reading to understand all of this. WH & I both work for the same large company although not in the same building but close enough that I can see him & OW outside on breaks together.

Every attempt I have made to discuss this with him along with insisting that he not take his breaks with her & that if he must see her to keep it strickly business he keeps coming back that she is very valuable to him in his workplace, the best he has and that I am making a big deal out of nothing as they are just friends and that he has never seen her outside of the workplace. Telling me, why don't you call her or come over and meet her, suggesting that he invite OW & her H to come over for dinner. He also jibs me that I am just a spying suspicious wife every time I try to talk to him about this. I have given him many opportunities to tell me what is missing in our marriage, what have I done wrong so that I can fix it, but he says there is nothing missing, I've done nothing wrong. There is nothing going on with OW.

When I found the recent letter to her reading " I hate the weekends when I can't see you, all I think of is you, I tried calling you but your daughter answered....blah blah blah He just thinks I am stupid or something. Playing with my head!! I guess I can't fix something that I didn't know was broke or what part I played in it.

Plan A Failed

I really am not thinking D yet, just separation, to get my head together. I can't stand being around him when he is in my face all the time. He won't do MC & he criticizes me for reading all the books on this subject.

I have thought about calling the OW's H, but have not done so yet. 2 of OW's sisters work for me within the same company and I don't want this mess brought into my work space. I am only now talking to my family about this who are in full support of whatever I decide to do and I have confided in one girlfriend who also is very supportive.

I realize that I am very vulnerable right now and my dad who was king of WH is giving me tips on how men who cheat think. And telling me to be carefull around other men.

It's just now making words into action, needing courage to move on and yes I do needs lot of support, thank you for your words of wisdom, I am eager to get all the help I can through this extremly hard period of my life.

Thanks again so very much!