Okay, I have to chime in on this one. Please no one take this the wrong way, and I'm not saying I'd NEVER date a man 10 years older than me, but I certainly am not looking for that. And while I did get responses from several men 50 and over (I'm turning 40 in a few months) on Match, most guys who corresponded with, or even sent me "winks" were within 5 years of my age on either side, which is what I was looking for.

I don't think 10 years is the end of the world in age gap, but for me, it's almost a generation. Guys 10 years older than me were teenagers during Viet Nam. They listened to different music, they watched different shows. They can't laugh about being in high school and being an 80's child like I can. I like being able to say, "Hey, remember when such and such..." and someone else can laugh at the same thing. Therefore, I really have no plans of looking at older men, just because an older man thinks he needs a younger woman. (Case and point, my ex, who at 40 is engaged to a women who is 27).

And yes, the health things do play into it. There are no guarantees, that's correct. But odds are in one's favor if they stay close to their own age vs. finding a guy who is a decade older. As for financial stability, it's true that a 30-yr-old is generally more stable than a 20-year-old, but when it gets to 40, 50 and beyond, there often isn't that much difference because if the 40-something guy has his act together, even though he may have less in savings, he has more years yet to be saving up. So that doesn't seem a concern.

And, because I work full time, I don't want to be with some guy who is going to retire 10 years before I do. What would we do then? My ex-father-in-law was forced to retire at 60 because of his health issues. His wife is about 8 years younger and still works. I think he drives he nutty sometimes because he's always under foot, yet they really can't do things like truly retired couples can because she still has a full-time job.

So, in my opinion, guys will always be looking for a younger woman. But women may not always want a guy 10+ years older.

LL

Oh, I definitely think that you should go for the guy of an age you prefer -- don't mistake me on that. I know several women in their late 20s who are looking for a man in his early 40s. Why? They say they are sick of the childish games men their age are playing. They tried dates with older men and report that they treat them much better and with far more respect. Personally I think that a 27-40 age gap is a bit much, since that borders on a generational difference.

I think you all are missing my point. You feel this way about older men because you were socially conditioned to do so. As I originally stated, this is not the case in many parts of the world, where that 27-40 year differece woulb be considered perfect. And on, not just in underdeveloped countries, either. Such an age difference would be rather common in Italy and France.

Check - I know you are using the above to support your view, but building hypothetical, composite characters like that doesn't ring true. Mr. Better Lover probably has other issues the younger guy doesn't, but may be better at hiding them at first. Who knows?

I wasn't trying to support anything, but only offer a plausible scenario. There's nothing to support. One could easily proffer any scenario that would be equally plausible, owing to the myriad possibilities of human interaction. You just did so. And that is really my central point here: don't limit your possibilities based on artificial criteria. Stay open to possibilities you may not yet have considered.

[color:"brown"]Well if you were a 27 year old chick without a college degree looking at working a crap job and having roommates and the guys your age were mainly in the same boat or not interested, would you admit that you were looking for an older guy that owns his own house and makes a decent salary?

They complain about the guys their age because he is 27, not working a decent job and has 3 roommates. Hard to set up a romantic love in these circumstances, don't you think?

If you look at the CDC link and the report there, it is clear that there are economic factors involved. [/color]


[color:"brown"]I think you are missing my point and the point of all the studies I've linked for you that you haven't bothered to look at. Women are socially conditioned to look for a successful mate. Usually an older guy when they are young. However, in this country, women are better off financially and educationally, and the trend is that they are marrying men close to their own age.[/color]


[color:"brown"]This age gap is not considered appropriate even if Africa - and I will find you a link for that study too.[/color]


[color:"brown"]Show me the statistics. You to this point have not done anything other than give opinions. Show me the data and the facts. Blame it on my ENTP nature - I'm a "show me" kind of gal...

V.[/color]

[color:"brown"]Yes a study is a study and sociaologically - women are conditioned to look for success and wealth. [/color]


[color:"brown"]I am soon to be 41. And if the men my age want someone younger - they can have her. Now this is purely anecdotal, but a couple of men I know that did date younger women found the relationship unsatisfying. There was a level of maturity missing in the women. They also avoided women in their early 30s because they were at an age where they didn't want children whereas the women in their early 30s still considered that a possibility or a desire (especially if they had no children yet).[/color]


[color:"brown"]Well they can look all they want. I went out with a couple of guys your age because I didn't want to discriminate, and thought that if the guy was in good physical shape it might wash. These guys weren't in good shape, and one was even cross-eyed. I found that guys 45+ were iffy for sparking any chemistry.[/color]


[color:"brown"]Issues are issues regardless of the age. Of course I would want a settled gentle kind patient and attentive guy over the issues guy. [/color]


[color:"brown"]Ewwwwwwwww how would I know this unless I were sleeping with both of them - that's just gross.[/color]


[color:"brown"]I'm really surprised that you think my criteria are so shallow - based solely on age? No, but I will continue to think of men in my range as being a bit closer to my age than you seem to think they should be...[/color]


[color:"brown"]Of course he could and I would - we all roll the dice in any relationship. I think LL made some really valid points about retirement issues as well as the caretaking aspects.[/color]


[color:"brown"]Yes it does. You are defending your position because you are a 47 year old man looking at younger women.[/color]


[color:"brown"]This makes no sense to me. I would not find it fulfilling to be alone grieving for my dead husband. It would be much more fulfilling to spend our "golden years" together.[/color]


[color:"brown"]Um well a lot of the emotional work you have to do yourself. [/color]


[color:"brown"]Actually I think the older guys are less likely to risk anything. Marriage is pretty risky when you consider property settlement in the event of a divorce.[/color]


[color:"brown"]Well you wouldn't be on my immediate reject list. I would probably meet with you to determin if interest was there and to see if you were in reasonable shape physically. I work very hard to keep myself in decent physical shape and would want someone of a similar activity level. I have not been conditioned to look for a mate within a few years of my age:

My first husband was 6 years older than I am. He was also heavyset and had a heart attack w/ a triple bypass at the age of 42.

My second husband was 12 years older than I am and he is still nice looking and in decent shape/health.

My third husband was 4 years older than I am and is in moderate shape.

If anything, I've been conditioned through experience to look for fairly healthy men, not necessarily younger men or men my age. Additionally I have young boys at home, and take them to do things that require a certain level of athleticism. If I were dating a guy of 50+ he better be able to keep up with us...

V.[/color]

Sunny, I believe that you are arguing for the sake of argument. You keep going back to economics, which I have conceeded is one consideration, but I've already said twice that I am not talking about ecomomics. You also keep twisting my points. There's no point in any of this, since it is a minor condiseration and really not worthy of so much debate.

I am 47 years old, and no, I am not looking for younger women. I'm not looking for a woman at all, but if I were I'd bee looking for a woman between the ages of 43 and 50. I think your statement is a very disrespectul judgement. How can you presume to know what I'm "looking at"?

Have it your way. It's OK. You have to live your life for yourself and you get to make the decisions for yourself.

[color:"brown"]I must have missed something. [/color]


[color:"brown"] OK that part I didn't miss. [/color]


[color:"brown"]Wow if that isn't disrespectful, I don't know what is - it may be that it is not important to you...[/color]



[color:"brown"] Well now I know. I apologize for the presumption. Telling me that I am making disrespectful judgements and arguing for the sake of arguing is very disrespectful.

I am allowed to have opinions, too.

V.[/color]

Well, you've done it again. You've taken my post and deconstructed it line for line and found issue with nearly all of it. Why do you feel the need to do this? Are you upset with me about something?

And no, my statement cannot in anyway be considered disrespectful. It was just a simple statement of fact. I haven't be disrespectuf yo you in anyway at any time. Of course you have a right to opinions and I respect them whether I agree or not.

I think it's enough to say you disagtee with me on this and move on.

Well this has turned into a strange argument. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Check, I noticed in your first post in this thread, and in some of the later posts, that you're tending to talk in terms of "this is how it is", "this is good/bad", and "this is how it should be done" on matters that really are personal preference. When you phrase things that way while disagreeing with what someone else posted, it does sound like you're trying to pick a fight.

I also noticed that you "diagnosed" sunny at one point by saying she was posting what she was posting "because you've been socially conditioned to believe that your potential mate must be within a few years of your age", but objected vehemently when she diagnosed you right back saying you were posting what you were posting because you're justifying being a 47-year-old looking at younger women. I agree with your objection to what sunny said, but I think the same objection applies you what you said.

Anyway, I get the overall impression that you're just not checking your phrasing before posting and because of that, getting yourself surprised by how your posts are coming across.

I would look for a younger woman if I ever got divorced.

Simple as that.

I wasn't diagnosing sunny, nor do I think she is wrong. What's right for her is right for her. We hold these prevalent attitudes because of the society we live in. This is a statement of general fact, not conjecture. There are many other social standards based in social conditioning that influence mate selection that could be discussed.

Perhaps you are correct in that I need to be more careful in my phrasing so that I don't come off as overly judgemental. Thanks.

Sunny, if this is your feeling, please accept my apology.

I am as of now trying this...and I don't like it thus far...but let's see...hummmm.

I am a touch past mid thirty (one year), but appear ten younger...I am a very committed mom and work tons (was on call during last week when son was w/his dad...got called in every night and slept at hospital at least 2x)...does this leave lots of time on my hands for singleness?

Nah. Sure does not.

I get asked out sometimes by people when I venture outdoors...grocery, coffee shop, etc. But lately since work's gotten so demanding, I practically live in my scrubs and do not even wear makeup some days due to my schedule...five hours of sleep is a great treasure during the week!

So far...met some creeps. Met a few nice ones. Am going out next weekend with a somewhat nice one...likes kids, is open to more, has healthy outlook on life, cute, decent, and at least appears to have hair in all the right places. Original teeth is nice also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My xbf is still calling but I don't try to see him at all. maybe something to do with the let him try and find something better thing.

I know I am a good catch, but I don't have all this time to go out and meet that siggie other. I might try this next week, one night out w/girls. And when I go to church, I am swamped with being the only proverbial single mum in the whole place (maybe it'sj my denomination or something?).

But I have hope. I have hope in me. I think that the internet thing is a NUMBERS GAME. That you've gotta play the numbers. One hit, one good hit is all it takes.

So...to speed up this stupidity, I have highlighted my profile, paid for it to get on the ones for the people newly online too. Peach's premium profile is UUUUP!

Let's see how this goes.

here is my take on dating...internet or not...
internet datibg allows many more choices in a shorter time frame.......
everything else is the same....
women generally in my age group are looking for a big secure wallet....men of most ages are looking for a piece of a--...., there are exceptions and i am one and i think my girlfriend is one also as she makes much more than i do and i was looking for a companion, best friend and potential wife to be my lifemate and i think we found each other....not sure what she was looking for but it certainly cant be a big wallet

Let me chime in on the age factor. One of my good friends is a woman who is 5 years older than me. I would date her in a moment if she had a romantic interest in me. Alas, she has indictated that she does not share that feeling that I have for her. Personally, if we were married, I think we could have a blast together. But, it ain't gonna happen.

I'm seeing a common theme about internet dating: you get to do more dating in a shorter amount of time? More is not better. Why do we feel we have to be on a date to go out and have a good time?

KA1, it isn't just your age group; what you say about women looking for a big wallet and men looking for sex is pretty much true for all age groups. Everyone I know, both male and female, who has been doing the on-line dating thing for any amount of time understands this.

The "age hangup" makes me giggle a bit, Justin. I have known a few women in their 30s who have decided that they were finished playing games with men their own age, tired of just being another notch on the old bedpost, who have decided to go for men in their mid-40s to mid-50s. The all have said they wish they had done it in their 20s. On the other hand, the men my age who have gone for the women in their mid-20s, have known nothing but trouble, and this after having roared through a lot of cash. What this tells me is that both sexes change a lot as they get older, have much different expectations, needs and desires. I would say that women make this change about a decade before men.

Years ago, I worked with a woman who really wowed me. I was in my mid-30s and this woman was older than me, I assumed by about 10 years. She was highly educated (PhD), professional, elegant, very feminine, and sexy - a hottie. I really was attracted to her. I couldn't help but think "ya know, she might just be everything any man could ever want." So imagine my complete surprise when I got an invitation in the mail, inviting me to her birthday party - her sixtieth birthday!

I was just thinking today that it would be nice to have a system to "rate" people at online dating sites. You know, similar to how buyers and sellers are rated on Ebay?

That way, if you have a bad encounter with someone, you could give people a head's up. Or, conversely, if you had a good encounter with someone, but just didn't have chemistry, you could put that down too.

Might have to be anonymous, though. And of course, you could only rate someone once.