I would like some input on this. Right now I feel totally defeated and hurt. My H and I have been back together for about 8 weeks now. He has done lots to prove this is where he wants to be and it seems our marriage has been moving forward in the right direction.

Yesterday morning I was checking my email (and since the A I always check history) and happened to see that my H had been on his military email account. I clicked on it thinking I would need a password which I have no idea what it is. That would of been that. BUT, he did not log off his account and I found an email that was written to her on June 30th. (that is about 6 or 7 days after he came back home and after he promiced me NO contact and that if she contacted him he would tell me. )

This is what the email said-

Not sure if this is a good idea to respond but after talking to you today I just wanted to say hi. Not sure what I'm feeling, I set my mind on moving on because you were ready to. It was good hearing from you, but I didn't like to hear you cry. I'm ok I guess just mixed up and trying to start over. Work sucks and I'm trying to move to start fresh again.

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This is what this email says to me. "Since you moved on I went back to my wife. I can't have you so I will settle for her. I don't know what I feel about her or being back with her (even tho I told her she is what I want, I really want you) It was good hearing from you because I miss you. I don't wnat to hear you cry because I love you and I wish I could be there for you. I am okay, I guess. Not really happy, but okay. Being with my wife is better than nothing."

He says I am reading between the lines and this was his response to tell her he moved on and it was over. He says I am over-reacting. He says there has been no contact with her since this email (which there were no more emails in the account from her or from him to her) I just think that is an open letter, it in no way says it is over, it in no way involves being back with me, it is about her.

My heart feels like it is in a million pieces again. I was really starting to feel somewhat normal.

All I can tell myself is that email could of been when he was still in that "fog" stage. The A had only been over for a little over a week at that point.

Where do I go from here? I am so confused.

He was more upset with me looking into his account than anything else. My feelings really did not seem to matter, nor did the fact that he broke a promise of no contact.

Maybe I am wrong for looking, but it is not like I got into his email by sneaking, he was still logged in.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There is a saying around here: He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.

There is no need or right to privacy in a marriage.
Don't get complacent. Plan A your butt off. Try your best not to be pathetic. Get stronger every day and know you are worthy of being loved and loving. Be firm, calm, but loving with your bounderies.

IMO, your interpretation of his e-mail is Way off base. Do me a favor, don't react on this just yet. 6 days into this, he was still and still is fogged out.

Are there any more recent e-mails. Than that would mean that he hasn't contacted her for 7 weeks, right?

Maggie:

With my FWH, it took a full 6 months or more for WITHDRAWAL to be gone and for the FOG to be lifted...

Early in in Recovery, there is high risk for continued contact without EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS...

The A is so highly addictive...

It's not about wanting to be with HER as much as wanting that FIX...

I agree that it's essential for him to be willing to make his whole life an OPEN BOOK...

Otherwise, there's high risk for FALSE RECOVERY..

When he is definitely ready for RECOVERY and is agreeable to a REAL RECOVERY, he will understand the need for precautions. Talk to him about working together with you as A TEAM to establish PROTECTIONS for YOUR MARRIAGE....

One way to know if they are in comminucation via the computer is to add spyware. You can get SpectorPro which covers all forms of communication. This may be a way he can set your mind at ease.
I do not think you overreacted. The A dealt you a terrible blow and you have been blindsided again. He needs to be willing to work with you so you do not have to be afraid anymore. Continued contact is common (not acceptable, but common), that is why EPs are so important. Keep your eyes and ears open.
If he has nothing to hide, then he should be willing to work with you on this. Make sure you address it without attacking him,"When I saw that e-mail, it made me scared about trusting you again. I do not want to be scared anymore. Can we discuss ways that I can feel safer?"