My husband and I were married three months ago. I met his ex-girlfriend when we were dating, she has called a few times since we've been married. Until last month. Her and her boyfriend seperated and she insisted that she had no one else to rely on, only my husband. Well two weeks ago he told her to get out and she somehow convinced us to let her stay with us for a few days. It has now been a week and I am noticing little things that I cannot seem to deal with. She was with my husband for over a year when they were together and obviously knows a deal about him. She'll make us his favorite dinners (I am honestly not a great cook), bringing him snacks on his breaks at work (he's a contractor), doing his laundry (she actually went into our room one day and picked out his work clothes to clean), she will comment on how good he looks... So on and so forth. I did not want to seem like a jealous wife so I did not say anything for the first couple days. When I told him how I felt he said he hadn't noticed and feels that she just wants us to know she appreciates letting her stay here. I want to relieve the situation, but I don't want her to be on the street! She is not working either so I know it would be difficult for her to rent or whatnot. I just need back the comfort of our home.

This is so completely out of line it's incredible. That your H has so little respect for you that he agreed to it in the first place, and that you have so little respect for your relationship that you agreed to it seems extraordinary.

This isn't a situation you have to "deal" with. Pack her bags, lock the door, call a cab. Her behavior is inappropriate.

Thank you for your reply, but I do slightly resent your comment that my husband "has so little respect..." He does not disrespect me or our relationship and nor do I. I know he wants to do what he feels it right, whether or not she had a place in his life before. I cannot kick out a woman that way, whether or not she's his ex. I just need a decent polite way to get her back on her feet. I confronted her last night and asked her what she needed (money, ride, whatnot...) but she said she feels like she's part of a family here. How do you tell someone who's so alone to leave a place where she feels safe?

When he tied the knot with you, he gave up other women. You even say "somehow she managed to convince us", implying that the idea wasn't an idea that the two of you had reached agreement on, or originally resisted, but eventually caved.

In any case, you leave it going too long, your H starts finding he likes meals from his ex that you can't prepare, and then the old "what might've been" kicks in...

And no relationship needs that kind of stress.

So yes, I consider it disrespectful, unless it was something that you enthusiastically agree to. But if you did, you wouldn't be using phrases like "managed to convince us...".

Am I the only person that thinks it's odd that an xGF is living with you? This doesn't set of any warning bells? Little tickles at the back of your mind that have you wondering just a bit?

And now you're saying she won't leave... Really, maybe it really is your H's problem, it's his relationship with her that's the crux of the matter, maybe you should leave it up to him to deal with. You've made your position clear to your H, now let him demonstrate his respect for you and your M...

In any case, you asked, I answered, no law says we have to agree. Perhaps somebody else will wander in telling you whatever it is that you want to hear.

Thank you again for your reply. I told him that I felt uncomfortable with her, not because she was his but more that her behaviour didn't seem as though she thought of him as a friend. She left last night on not-so-good terms, but he needed to tell her to leave. We really did feel that we were doing the right thing. I appreciate your advice, you were correct in that it wasn't a good idea in the first place. Thanks again!