Undo and I have been working on recovery now for over a month. She told him two weeks before she revealed the A to me that it was over. One week after she told me she wrote him a NC letter, but I don't think he really got the idea. Since then he has called her at work three times and every time she said stop calling me.

I think it is time for a serious NC letter from both of us. One that will get the point across and that will be black-and-white… no gray. I think he needs a serious letter that will show her rejection of him. Please tell me if the letter below is good enough or if you think it should be changed in any way.


(OM)

I am no longer interested in you so stop trying to contact me in any way. The only thing that matters to me is my husband, my soulmate who I love with all my heart, and my marriage… not you. I have come to realize that we were a mistake and I wish it never happened.

When you finally move out of the state then do so, but do not call me. Just move and leave us alone.

This letter is being written and signed by both of us. He is aware of every time you call and I will not betray him again. You are not worth losing my marriage over.


Signature from her
Signature from me
Dated


Please let me know if it’s to the point or if I should add/change anything in this NC letter. She tried to let him down easy five times and now I think he needs to feel rejection so he can get the idea that we are for real.

Thank you for any input.

I'm no expert, but how about a letter from just you? "My wife tells me you are continuing to harrass her by telephoning, specifically on (DATES). If you don't stop bothering us, ..."

Another letter from her extends the nasty life of this thing. It gives attention from the woman he wants -- even if it's negative attention. If he gets a letter from you, not her, that makes it clear that when he calls her, he's going to get you... I wonder if that might not be more of a turn-off.

Thanks for the suggestion. How about this change?

(OM)

I am no longer interested in you so stop trying to contact me in any way. The only thing that matters to me is my husband, my soulmate who I love with all my heart, and my marriage… not you. I have come to realize that we were a mistake and I wish it never happened.

When you finally move out of the state then do so, but do not call me. Just move and leave us alone.

This letter is being written and signed by both of us. He is aware of every time you call and I will not betray him again. You are not worth losing my marriage over.


Signature from her
Dated


(OM)

(Wife’s name) has told me all about the affair and how you are continuing to harass her by calling her at work. If you don’t stop bothering us then you and I will have words in person. How bad do you want to meet me?

Signature from me
Dated


Please let me know if it’s to the point or if I should add/change anything in this NC letter. She tried to let him down easy five times and now I think he needs to feel rejection so he can get the idea that we are for real.

Thank you for any input.

I think it is a good letter - it is short, to the point and reaffirms undo's commitment to hopeful...and lets him know there is no lingering good memories - there is no confusing for OM wondering if the door will open again.

Make sure that you send it registered mail so you KNOW he got it!

Good job guys!

Sprint and I kept a copy of my NC letter, scanned it into the computer, so when Sprint was having a rough day he would re-read it to remember the commitment I had made to him that day when i told OM that my H was better than him and that OM was a big mistake.

Thanks Dorry,

Undo and I have come to rely and trust a few people's responses and you and Whisper are among them. You are helping us through a very difficult time and Undo really appreciates the input from you two because she feels in many ways she can relate.

Bumping so I can get other people's input.

Not sure if I would recommend that you (the BS) send a letter directly to the OM, as this can signal a challenge to the OM. And, we all know what that means in the animal kingdom. While I know you'd fight for the love of your life, right now is not the time.

Thus, I concur with Dorry. The letter you've jointly written is a good one. In reading your other posts, I also would recommend sending it certified mail versus trusting anybody else to deliver the message. I would leave nothing to chance.

Good luck!

I understand about the animal kingdom side and I agree. This is the knee-jerk reaction I feel rather than the rational thinking I should be doing. We have actually decided to just change the phone numbers for now (which is now done). His discovery of not being able to talk to her should be impact enough... we hope.

She sent him a NC letter once and then she told him to stop calling. He doesn't know where she works and doesn't know our home number or address. I'm hoping he'll get the hint when he cannot find her with simple measures.

If he finds a way to contact again then she will file a restraining order against him. That would be ultimate "leave me alone" letter.

I'm glad that you're not sending another letter, because I agree that ANY feedback, even negative is only going to make him attempt contact again.

The letter that was from only you did sound like "Knock this chip off my shoulder....I dare you" So I'm also glad you're not sending that one.

I am glad that you've changed your numbers and that he has no way to contact her, hopefully that will be enough to get the message through.

Good luck hon,

-Caren