I've had a very long day. My wife came home from her IC with some justification for her behavior and a belief that the marriage is over. Truthfully she got what she was looking for. Whether this was what the counselor intended will never be known.

What I've learned today is that my wife will never be able to be a part of any type of recovery. She is in denial about her relationship with the OM, or she simply refuses to ever tell me what actually took place. She expects me to believe that a year long affair, where the OM sent her messages saying he loved her, was never physical. She expects me to believe that she got a STD (which I now have) from something rather than someone. She won't even admit to kissing or even giving the guy a hug goodnight after a night of drinking.

I was willing to stay in the marriage if she would have opened up and also found another teaching position at another school. She chose not to. While there is always hope, I would have to say that it looks very likely that I will go through with the divorce.

I made a deal with her to call SH and set up an appointment. It is a last ditch attempt at saving this marriage. My deal was that I would give her school of residence rights in the divorce. We will have shared parenting, but where she lives will be where our daughter goes to school. It means that if she decides to move somewhere else in the county, I will have to move also in order for me to stay close to my daughter.

If I didn't do this, we would have had to fight for it, and to be honest I really don't want to get into a legal battle. I don't think it would benefit our daughter. So, at least this way, I have a chance that SH can help our situation. If not, than I will just have to plan on moving when and if my wife ever decides to move. It was the only way to get her to call him.

Was this a bad move???

Grove, I am probably not the right person but I think you made a smart move. I tend to think if you can pull it off that not fighting over the kids is best for all. You will have to work with your WW regarding your DD no matter what. I hope SH breaks through her foggy thinking a bit.

i think its fine....in any event if you do divorce and share custody.....she cant just up and move without your consent anyway.......praying steve can help...

I'm involved in a similar kind of dilemna.

The principle that I'm standing behind is that if my W wants to leave, she can do so. She has no right to take our son with her. It is her choice to leave the family unit, but she has no right to make that decision for our boy.

If it comes to court battle would I be willing to fight for this principle? I dunno. I think a battle over our son would just make a bad situation worse. I certainly would never instigate such a conflict... besides which, we are in Canada where fathers have no value except as walking wallets, so I would 'lose' pretty much for sure, no matter what. If it comes to that, it would be the ultimate no-win situation.

Anyway, I am sticking to my guns. My duty as a father calls me to face any challenge that would adversely affect my son. My W wants to leave? I can't stop her. But I can hold onto what remains of this family so that should she want to come back, there will be something to come back too...

John

thanks everyone,

I hope she is still willing to talk to SH. I just got off the phone with her and she "kind of" shot the idea down. She said she was busy and could she have a little more time to think about it.

I think it's a great deal for her. Call SH and I will give her the residential custody for school purposes. We'll still have shared custody of our daughter, it just means that I will have to move to where-ever she decides to live.