OK all I am sick to my stomach with worry....I had a rough day today. you all read the horrid details of last friday and what a dork STBXSH was. Well when I was finally able to sit down after working and taking care of DS I listened to my messages on my phone here at the house.

My landlord called and want me to call him tomorrow. Apparently STBXSH called him and told him our divorce is final and he wants off the lease. I cannot afford this apartment and I was making plans to move. But this is rushing me. I need to sell alot of stuff off I need to pack and find homes for 3 cats and a foster home for the other.

This being monday I started looking for homes for cats today. The only option I have is to move home with my parents. But my father is deathly allergic to cats. By doing this STBXSH is really hurting us.

The divorce is not yet final we haven't even been to mediation yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Any advice on things to do to help either slow down his tactics or help find speedier homes for cats and sell stuff.
I cannot take them to the shelter...one of them would be put to sleep because she has fear aggression. They have been such good pets I couldn't do that to them.

I know my son and i will be ok with my mom and dad if not safer from dork. Because if he so much as steps in the wrong direction my parents will not allow it.

Well - if the paperwork is not done it is not done. That being said - sounds like mr. D is not gonna choke up the cash. You could tell the landlord this, but might not get much sympathy. Still - you should talk to the landlord. He can not give you some grace time if you do not ask him for it. Be sure to let him know that your STBX is lying, and trying to stick you with the bills. He might have some legal collection stuff he can do. Or he might have a moment of grace and accept half the rent for a couple of months. It can not hurt to propose it to him.

Good luck with the cats.

Sounds like the parents house is a good place to collect for a while.

I will pray for you.

Take a few deep breaths - hold the last one for a moment or two - exhale slowly. Know that this seems incredibly urgent right now - and it is significant - but it is not the end of the world. You WILL make it through this.

far

{{SIHS}} As far as the cats, do a search for rescue organizations or shelters that have do not kill policy. I wish I could help you more than that. Very sorry your stbx is being a jerk. Not being a very good dad either is he?

I called our not so helpful no kill rescue project.....they didn't have much to help me with. But I work for a veterinary hospital so i have been trying alot of avenues.

If you are in Canada, I would gladly take one of your cats.

BTW, I would be extremely cautious about taking your animals to a 'no kill shelter'. I was involved with such a one and I honestly can not think of a crueler thing to do to an animal. If you do go this route, please go in person to the shelter and inspect it thoroughly.

dewt

it's a good group they save animals close to euthanasia from the shelter and find them homes. My big thing is trying to find a foster home for my one cat i refuse to give up. She means the world to me and I don't want to loose her.

As a former landlord, I can say you might want to try this. Be honest with the landlord. Tell him you can make a partial payment of $$$, and let him/her know the court schedule for mediation. Dork should still be on the hook with the rent obligation unless I'm missing something.

I assume you have a month to month lease, but that doesn't mean the dork can just terminate without notice.

Not to cats. Where I lived in Seal Beach, CA, there was a private shelter for animals where they did not euthanize. They kept the animals indefinitely and survived with food donations and volunteers. That's where we got our three legged dog. Seal Beach animal shelter. Either Road trip, or call and ask them about a similar shelter in your area. If all else fails, my aunt and uncle have a menagerie of cats and dogs in central Indiana. They only take strays, and have had up to 4 dogs and 5 cats at any given time.

In the mean time. Don't sweat the small stuff. No one is dying. (That's what I keep saying). Put your stuff on Craig's List and see what happens. When my son was upset, I put him on my lap outside and looked up at the stars. It helped him, it might help you too.

Sleep tight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless

(Any friend of Pebbles is a friend of mine)

Oh, Surviving! I'm sorry your dork is being such a mega-dork. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I agree with the others who have suggested having a talk with your landlord. I have found that bill collectors (and other people owed money) can be very understanding and flexible to people in our situations.

Your poor kitties. I know how much you love them. The shelter you mentioned sounds like a good option. We adopted all our animals (two dogs and a cat) from shelters and people who could no longer care for them.

I know it's hard to think of moving back home with your parents (it would be hard for me!), but they sound like they would be very supportive. Maybe as a short-term solution?

How are things going with planning the move for veternary(sp?) school?

I'm sorry I missed your call on my cell. With six 14-year-old boys here for the night, I don't get to talk much (or think, or eat, or sleep, LOL). I did get to watch 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman' in my room. You might want to watch that one, if you haven't seen it. Good wayward-husband-gets-his-just-rewards movie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

A big hug for you: {{{{Surviving}}}}

This is what dork just sent me he really wants me to go under:

Well, the financial situation is officially going sour. The $8000 personal loan (which has to be paid back as $10000, including interest) has been spent. All credit cards are maxed, and additional credit limit increases have been abused. The $25,000+ worth of debt is accumulating interest and resulting in massive payments each month. As I mentioned a few times previously, less than 2 weeks ago the account went negative $976.26... almost $1000 in the hole. This charged $102 in fees. According to my budgeting spreadsheet which forecasts upcoming months, at the current rate, the account will go negative again on 8/19... about $619 in the hole... this time, it will INCLUDE my paycheck (my paycheck brought the account back into the positive the last time)... this is because I can postpone a bunch of bills to not be paid until 8/19, but not much further than that... and my paycheck won't cover all of them.

Further, the budgeting spreadsheet shows a negative $2287 on 9/15... a negative $2725 on 10/19... a negative $3105 on 10/27... a negative $4193 on 11/24... a negative $5152 on 12/22... a negative 5921 on 1/19... fast forwarding to a negative $8310 on 4/27... coming to a negative $10355 by this same time next year. Well, you get the picture. In a nutshell, this also assumes that I continue to work and get paid overtime... and continue to make extra money on the side doing website hosting... and continue to be able to go further and further into credit card debt while my credit limits continue to be increased at the rate I am using credit. All of these scenarios are very unlikely... still result in skyrocketing interest payments... and still result in a continuously declining checking account to the tune of about an additional $800 in the hole every month, consistently... with absolutely no sign (temporary or not) of a positive bank balance. The bank is also not very likely to allow this to continue for more than a few transactions before they start rejecting everything, so the most likely scenario is that everything would be dried up by 8/19 or so... leaving no money whatsoever, every day going forward, unless expenses are reduced.

So, what does all of this mean? It means I have no idea where expenses can be reduced... but expenses do need to be drastically reduced. At the moment, a large chunk of expenses involve the Ramona apartment and its utilities and services. Since I have not lived there for about a year, I am uncomfortable with shutting down any services or being late with any payments without your "ok"... but I don't have the ability to try to figure out which services can be shut off to save money, or which payments can be late without dire consequences. As a result, I have made sure to change the billing address for a bunch of stuff to go to the Ramona address. And, instead of paying these bills directly myself, I will be sending you the money I can afford directly. For now, we can consider these payments to be "child support" until Mendenhall can provide us with an actual dollar figure for this. To make this transition as simple as possible for you, I have collected a bunch of information regarding each of these bills, including phone numbers, payment addresses, the usual payment amount, when the next payment is due, and when the last payment was made.

Also, according to my budgeting spreadsheet, I can just barely make payments of about $500 per month while still slightly keeping things from dipping into the negative. So, starting on August 15th, I will send $500 per month to you in the form of temporary child support payments until Mendenhall can provide a more specific figure. I will continue to send $500 per month on the 15th of each month. If Mendenhall's figure for child support is more than $500 per month... I will, to the best of my ability, attempt to make up the difference... either through additional loans, or by attempting to work more overtime (though they have been getting on my case about this.) I can also give you general guidance, if you need it, regarding which bills won't directly affect the services if not paid on time, or will not incur major late fees. For instance, Comcast will let you be late a month or two before finally contemplating taking action like turning of cable or broadband service. Rent might not be too good of an idea to be late on, though Landlord might be able to work with you on this. In any case, if I am able to come into more money, or able to reduce other expenses, I'll help when I can... but, right now, relying on me for finances would be like relying on a shoe for relationship advice... you'd just be barking up the wrong tree or trying to squeeze blood from a stone. I'm praying to God to help us all, especially DS... I know He will answer our prayers... but I also expect things are going to be fairly rough in the meantime. Hang in there, SIHW... I just know things will get better... it just has to.

Sorry I didn't call back. Got lots of stuff going on. Will fill you in later. Not bad, just busy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Where's the and all her $$? Now is the time to really let the OW meet his 'needs'. I heard the same babble and as you can see his calculator is broken. He expects you to make up for his losses.

Reduce your finances to a minimum and still require he pay wha the is suppose to pay. Don't care if he as to work 4 jobs and scrub toilets. He has made bills, now he must pay. After all isn't that the fun part of an A? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Grape is taking deep, deep breathes right now. Grape wants to do something very violent to your dork.

The "man" has/had a life with you. Together, you make a home, you adopt animals, you have a baby. You worked together towards common goals. Then BLAM, he has an A and walks out of your collective life leaving you holding the bag. What nerve to whine about finances! Would that $800 or so each month that you are in the hole just about cover the rent at his "new" place? I love his helpful advice on how to juggle the bills.

Dork needs a reality check. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

he pays somewhere around 600 a month for a renivated garage. i am really gonna have to move home no if's an's or buts about it. i can't believe i used to love this jerk. now i just can't stand who he has become. I really need to get away from him...yet another reason my move to go to school is so good. Whats the old saying absence make the heart grow fonder...well not in this case....absence will probally keep me sane.

SIHW,

Alright, anybody else wanna join me for a road trip? I can start pickup in the Penn/Ohio area and we can work our way west!

SIHW, you know this guy is a toad, we know he is a toad. He is broke because HE made choices.

To try and justify his expenses to you sickens me...my WWXW did the same thing and if he follows the script soon you will get nothing. You might be thinking "No way, he wouldn't stop even giving me money at all..I mean we have a child?"

Wrong...

You may get $500 (and no matter what you say he has justified this amount in his head and will not change) in August...maybe, but I have seen those words before and I hardly doubt you will see dime one in September...look at his dates in his "Spreadsheet" or as I would call it his "Excuse to F*** you and DS over"

He has basically said "I'm broke, scr** you" and this e-mail is your 15 day notice that September is going to be tough on you and DS.

Can I offer some advice since it seems I went through the identical sitch?

Keep quiet and wait for August' $500, talk to your landlord and your utility companies now. I waited too long because I trusted WWXW would do as she said but when I did talk to those people they were more than happy to work with me, especially when you lay it out....I mean every gruesome detail..the gas, electric and phone companies put me on a small payment plan (2 of the reps wrere going through something similar so they were more than happy to finangle things to help) and I turned cable down to basic basic service and they let the back sit there to pay down as I could.

Don't be afraid to use this situation (WH's cheating and leaving) to your benefit to protect you and DS. Not abuse but to get you over this crisis.

Now, once you get and cash August $500, then you start on WH because trust me, you aren't getting crap in September(again, look at his broke dates according to his BullShed..I mean spreadsheet). Let him know in no uncertain terms that $500 is not acceptable, you are not divorced, you do not care what his expenses are and if he can't send XX amount of dollars then he needs to get another job or 2 or 3.

Don't allow him to talk crap to you or belittle you over this...remember this word and use it often

Consequences

His living expenses do not matter so don't let him drag you into that argument

Consequences

His debt is not of your making, and wouldn't be like this had he not cheated and left.

Consequences

I don't want to see you in the position I was 15 months ago because I listened to WWXW's BS...I see it time and time again, they say one thing to placate you and do the opposite...you know why?

Because you are dealing from the perspective of honesty and decency

WWS's couldn't find those words in a dictionary with a page number.

You have to deal with this as you see fit SIHW, I'm just warning you he is setting you up for the next however many months that he will give nothing if you wait to confront him the 15th of September. How long do you think he will stretch out this divorce to avoid giving you anything in the meantime? 6 months? 9 months? A year?

How does this sound?

SIHW- "Where's Septembers money?"
WH- "SIHW, I just don't have it, the accounts are overdrawn including my paycheck, I told you the boss was getting P.O'ed about overtime, didn't you look at my spreadsheet forecast?"
SIHW- "I need that money for our son"
WH- "Whadda'ya want me to do? I can't crap $20's..I have huge expenses you don't understand and I'm tired of you being up my A** all the time..I'll give what I can when I can and thats all I can do!"

Sound like a possibility?

And when he does bend you over you won't even get a kiss...

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

RM

Thanks reborn...boy my 30 min lunch is going to be busy today....I still don't understand his math the man makes 3000-4000 monthly.....*rollseyes* gee I wonder where it all goes...heh I did the child support calculator last night....according to it alone STBXSH will have to pay $991 monthly....and thats not including alimony. Which I am asking for and will have garnished from his wages like the evil vindictive woman I have been told I am. *grin*

Surviving...Is it possible he knows all of this and is doing this this to push the divorce along? In other words, he is trying to make you feel panicked so that you will agree to anything or something less than that to which you would be entitled? Wondering whether this is a strategy ploy on his part...

Regards,

BB

i'm not entirely sure...all I know is $500 is unacceptable...I know childsupport alone is more than that...I am contacting the paralegal today. And the landlord. Lets see how things go. I'm off to work all. see ya laters.

If your WH has a lawyer, I strongly suspect he knows what he is going to have to pay basis statutory guidelines for CS and has probably been given some indication of the amount of alimony he will have to pay. I suspect he is trying to push this divorce through before you get in front of a judge or mediator by giving you the poor poor (literally) me line so you will cave in. Stand tough.

Regards,

BB

Surviving,

It is not in the landlord's best interest to take him off the list. The landlord wants to keep all rent paying options open, and as long as dorkboy is on the lease he can go after him if you fail to pay it.

k

HEY ALL....more news....STBXWSH does not have a lawyer...he is too poor to have one ...whatever...boo hoo....but I did find out the paralegal got an email from him telling him he makes $6000 a month *shocked face*....I have had the bank statements and he deposits $4000...where is the other $2000 coming from and where is it going?....anyways but the paralegal did tell him if he makes $6000 a month his CS alone won't be cheap....WH is trying to play me...and I am not falling for it...I still have not responded to his email and I don't think i will... i talked to the landlord...who is deeply disappointed in him and is willing to work with me so i have ample time to move out....I was planning on moving out anyways this is just rushing me alot. He feels bad for DS and I. Moving home will help me save up money....and I will be working and going to school so i will be really busy. I can't wait to move I really need this new start.

Good for you. Don't fall for his sad story. Get money for the support of your daughter.