just when i feel i trusted him and that she was really gone. this summer has been the best in a long time!!! he called her 4 times last month and one text message. now he hasnt called her on his cell phone in over a year. 3 calls were 2 min and under one for 15. he claims it was innocent and a sllp up. i tried calling her. cant get in tuch with her i'm worn down and tired of doing this over adn over adn over again....

Hi mylife,

A slip up and innocent huh? Bullcookies! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> His fingers just magically slipped onto the phone and dialed the exact number of homewrecking OW.Right.I am SO sorry you have found renewed contact.

What is your plan now?

O

i dont know. things were so good. i dont knwo where to go from here.

Even though this is bad news,take some time to reflect OK? I do think you should talk more in depth with WH about why this happened and why *now.

O

well heres what i know. we got into a H"UGE fight a few weeks ago to the point he said he wanted to leavea gain. it was bad... he called her that night. that was the first time. he called two times that night and then two other times... and also the text message... here are some of the tings hes been saying to me


I understand how it feels and seems but nothing is going on and nothing has gone on for a long time now. There's really nothing more I can say about it.


that was an email he just wrote. he aslo said sure when i said i would call her. (other times he begged me not to). i tried claling no answer. dont know if i should call. the psat 3 years we've done this i have nver called BUT i want to get to the bottom of this !!! i love my H and things have been going really good. we had that one hard week when we had taht huge fight adn a few other slip ups. i asked him how he could call her then come home and act like verythings great. he siad because it is.

he is at work . i cant really talk much more to him. oh but during this he said someone siad you keep calling and hanging up at my desk! isaid i did not you can check the phone records (both ourhouse phone and cell show phone records). i go back to work tomrmow and now i'm nervous. i feel no trust again. at least now our phone records are updated ever 2-3 days now so i can be more on top of this instead of a month later.

i just dont know what i should plan we were arleaddy in a plan a type thing and it was working but then this. after 3 eyars i dotn know if i can do it AGAIN

ML,

First of all,I would hope that having "huge" fights would be over with,for any couple.It's just not any way in which to solve problems.I understand emotions can run high but people have to be respectful of one another in conflict.It's the only way to keep lines of communication open and not shoot yourself in the foot at the same time.You can see that your WH is not adept at resolving things with you if you both are yelling.

Next:telling you nothing has been going on and there is nothing more to say about it is also bullcookies.It's denial and avoidance.If nothing is going on then WHY did he call her NOW? Is he going to call the OW every time there is conflict in your marriage or when things heat up? How can you depend on him with that response? If things are great,WHY is he calling OW?

This situation is beyond plan A.You do not need to be doing anything again to break up the A.It's do or die time now IMO.Your WH has to be willing to get back to counseling and talk about this before you are back to square one again.Calling the OW for ANYTHING is inappropriate and just plain wrong given your past.

You are right to not feel trust again.He blew it,again.IMO,he is neither being 100% honest about what is going on with himself nor is he being protective and caring as he should be if he is truly in this recovery.

You have some serious decisions to make.Avoid the OW too.These women just cannot be trusted to tell the truth or stay away from married men.You are taking a risk believing anything this OW would say to you about your WH/Marriage and frankly,it would be best to leave her completely out of this where she belongs.OUT.The focus should be you and your WH.

O

heres my latest email from him...


We continue as usual, I am sorry that you thought that I was being fake, I wasn't I was being genuine.
We are not, I don't know what more to say or do. Like I said. Your stuck on this right now and don't believe me on what I said. What more do you want. Nothing crazy is going on


i dotn know what to do at this point? i dont even want to talk to him. i am so fustrated..

You know what - if it was so innocent, he should have told you when it happened. For example...when H asked for his temporary seperation, I opened my Yahoo Messenger to talk to FF - I hadn't opened it since D-day...OMs name was on it - I immediately deleted it. When he got home, I told him what had happened, and he said he was wondering, as his network program emailed him to tell him that I had contacted the OM...

If something odd like that happens, I ALWAYS tell my H, so that he knows I wasn't trying to hide something...your H seems like he may still be hiding things, as it seems he didn't bother to tell you until you figured it out on your own...

HE IS NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS YOU NEED ANSWERS TO.

he is now on his way home, he left work early... dont know what i'llsay/do

You do know what to ask:

WHY did he contact her again after all this time?

WHAT made him feel he needed to call her instead of talk to you?

WHY didn't he tell you he called OW instead of you finding out on your own?

DOES he know how inappropriate this all is?

WILL he accompany you to counseling or will you have to make a decision on whether or not to stay in this marriage?

WILL he talk with you more openly about why this is happening now instead of giving you excuses?

DOES he realize how this action/choice set you back?

O

He has completely shattered any baginnings of trust you may have had, and lied to try and cover his re-indulgence in addiction. What are the consequences for this? What is the price he must pay for you to even think of trying again with him? It does not matter how good things were going. Do not be afraid to upset the status quo; he has already done that himself. Things are NOT good now.

The end of June, I was just where you are now. Be calm. Do not argue with him or believe his lies. You have all the power at this point, but how are you going to use it? What are you going to do?

I went through exactly the same with continued contact.I never went to plan b and have regretted it ever since. Now I don't know if there's still contact and he's just getting better at hiding it.

Calmly ask him to leave for a few days while you decide whether you want a future with him.

Calmly tell him you cannot and will not let yourself be treated in this way.

Let him come to you with how HE will contribute to fixing this.

Good luck

2b

ok sorry guys it took me so long to get back on. i've been back at work and it was crazy. he came home we tried to talk. (kids there) not much was said. he sitll maintains he doesnt know why he called her, it wasstupid. scared to tell me. (he has always had a problem hiding t hings from me (lying), even simple things that dont matter) so i dot know i'm still in limbo on the whole situation. iv'e done plan B before and know it can work. But dont know that i'm ready for that at this point in time.

the last 100 percent known contact that i know was
last sept he texted her from teh computer i found out
and before that it was the june before. we then changed his cella nd i never found any proof of them talking since then. i never did talk to OW. but i'm getting so sick of this. he is jsut pretending everything is normal i can barly talk to him.

we had gotton so far... or so i thought.. i'm fustrated and confused.