Just wondering how it is possible for my STBX to send me an email telling me that "I'm still loved by him and his family and friends".....Why does he keep writing me telling me that he still "has love" for me and continues to do the things he does?
Am I the only one that thinks this man has lost it and apparently doesn't know what love really is?
Has anyone else here had their WS tell them this and continue the road they are on?????

Addicts say the darndest things!

You were expecting something rational?

Why?

It's just annoying me that he continues to tell me he loves me and then the next thing out of his mouth is something horrible. I know he's addicted and I shouldn't expect anything rational out of his mouth. I truly just want him to leave me alone. I can't seem to get that through his thick skull. I have no contact with him whatsoever but he tries his best to make contact with me. I guess I'm just getting VERY annoyed at this whole sherade!!!!!

I wonder if the Poodle knows he says that to you?

>tries his best to make contact with me

This is why. Being an [censored] wasn't working so he is trying his effed up version of compassion.

Unfortunately, if he'd thought he had compassion he'd probably take antibiotics.

Hi TR,

You aren't the only one dealing with this stuff.My WH sends me an e-mail the other day too: In it he says that he had a dream the other night.He says I was sitting next to him,close,on a bench somewhere and we were just talking.He said I was smiling and that he could see in my eyes that I finally understood he never meant to hurt me and that everything would be alright.That I was happy and that "we were well past this and all was well",that he was a good person that cared for me and the girls....blah blah and then I smiled at him and it was over.

This is basically what he sent me.Well,of course I had to e-mail back and I told him that these dreams were not the kind I have at night,that I don't believe he never intended to hurt me and that if it helps him to keep on with the fantasies then go ahead.It's not my reality....and so forth.geeze.

From all accounts and other e-mails,it seems he still desperately needs me to forgive him although I am not nearly there at all yet,if ever.I am working on my own timeline whereas my WH seems to need this approval now.Whatever.I can't think about that.It doesn't really bother me much anymore.

Anyway,I do feel that WH is still sick.He looks so different now than before and it concerns my children.I can't help him though.Homewrecker sure did a number on him though.I do "hate" that woman.And I hate the choice of adultery.

O

Trish

YOU KNOW he wants your approval or 'permission' to f'k up everybody's lives like he is.

He doesn't love YOU, he loves the fable of himself he has created.

I bet he feels MAGNANIMOUS that he still says he loves you as if you will receive it like a rose from a knight.

I am learning from you trish that one of the cruelest things unrepentant WS can do is occasionally toss the BS a bone of pseudo-compassion.

I used to work with a good lookin; lad who when he boke up with girlfriends, did so brutally truthfully " I'm bored with you, I don;t want to see you again".

I asked him why he was such a "bar steward". He said " This way they can hate me. it helps most of them"

i understand that now.

If you WH said " I don't love you, lets get a contract in place over C" you could finalise within yourself.

This way the jerk keeps you from slamming the door.

* sigh *

all blessings darl'.

ps Shouldn;t you be in the bahamas ?

(((((((((((Tree))))))))))))) You're so strong hon....and I know when he does this it infuriates you, I don't know what his need to keep you on the line is about, but I'll bet OW would be furious....LOL, that would give me a lot of laughs thinking about that.....

-Caren

Bob is absolutely right. I even got that kind of stuff from my beloved, in a much more repressed form.

It is a bone. And why you hate it is, I suspect, part of you wants to believe that a turnaround might be in the offing. It isn't, and most of you knows it. This is about him feeling good about what he has done. Reassuring himself that it didn't hurt.

Block his email address. Stop torturing yourself. Be in Plan B, even in the midst of a D. Let your lawyer do the talking. It's a way to keep your sanity.

Dealan-de....I doubt his poodle knows about him telling me he still loves me. I'm sure she wouldn't like that now would she? LOL!!!!!!

OctoberGirl....I guess we're dealing with the same crap huh? I just want all of this to end. I'm so sick and tired of dealing with it. I've had enough. I hope it all ends for you soon too.

Bob...You're right again I'm sure. He's just throwing a bone. I'm not taking it though. :-) I wouldn't take that man back if he was the last person on earth. I'd much rahter be alone thanwith him.
I got back from the Bahamas on Sunday. It was so nice!!!!!!

Caren...LOL....it does give me a little chuckle to think that he uses his time to write me and tell me that he still loves me. The OW is a moron!!! They both deserve what they've got!!!!

A.M. Martin.....You're right...I don't need this crap...I don't respond to any of his attempts to contact me. I have no desire to even fight back and tell him what I think. It's useless!!!!

It's bizarre isn't it Trish? He fought so hard to sever his life with you, and now his free time is spent e-mailing you about still loving you.

I would take some kind of pleasure in knowing that one of these days she's gonna stumble onto this fact, and it's going to cause problems.....Yeah, I'd relish knowing that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren

If I knew how to post a link I would share a photo from our cruise. :-(

Caren....LOL...I do relish in that thought. I actually foound out from his SIL that OW is very possesive and he thinks she has anger issues. I laughed myself to sleep after hearing that. They will get what they deserve!
It does sadden me that he seems to have forgotten our life together. It's a shame that someone would throw their whole life away for a "fogged out affair". Oh well....I'll be better off in the end I'm sure!!!

maybe you should send copies of his e-mails to his girlfriend?

just a suggestion

No. Don't reinvolve yourself in the drama. Send him a kindly letter, saying it confuses you when he is pursuing a divorce and dumping you for another woman, yet sends emails protesting his continued love.

For that reason, you are blocking his email account. It is painful to receive contradictory messages, especially since his actions have spoken much more loudly than his words.

eav1967...I would love to send the OW his emails but don't want to get involved in the drama anymore. I think it will be funnier for her to find out on her own what a jerk he is. She deserves that!

A.M. Martin.....I'm just not going to respond at all. If I respond with anything things will just get worse. I know it bothers him that I don't respond at all. I have no use for this man anymore.

Dear TreeReich,

my STBXRWH does the same thing. Even though he started dating other women (plural) one week after I said I wanted to end our M. I still live in the same house and he is being very friendly and "understanding". He still wants me back.. still loves me.. wants me to keep on living here.. and dates other women all the time.
Go figure.

brownhair....It's amazing how all WS are the same. The only difference here is that my STBX doesn't say he wants me back. I think he just wants me to want him. I think it bothers him that I don't beg him to come home and that I ignore him. He's in such a fog!!!!
When I start dating someone I'm sure he will not like that too much. I went on a date and he found out about it....he sent me 4 page emails 4 days in a row telling me how I broke my wedding vows... WTF?????

i think he DOES still love you!

here is some info from another save your marraige site i'm on (it also referrs to dr. harley's theory's)


"There are three states of what we call romantic love in our society. They are all designed to keep the human race alive and genetically healthy on the planet. They can occur simultaneously, one can lead to another, or they can happen completely independently. With the exception of one (which I'll talk about in a sec) they can be felt for more than one person at a time.

These three states create emotional feelings that are driven by the chemicals that occur in the brain. Those chemicals make us feel something towards the person who triggered them - and those feelings are what we call love.

The first is lust - this is the drive that makes us make babies. This keeps the human race going. I think we all get what this one is.

The second is romantic love - the feeling that is characterized by the need to be with someone or talk to them all the time. It is an obsessive state - when we can't stop thinking about the other person. This is the state that can only be felt for one person at a time.

Romantic love lasts for about 3 years (without intervention).

The third stage is attachment. This is the deep contentment, warm, connected, feelings we have for each other. This stage lasts for 20+ years and is designed to keep parents together through the late childhood and teenage years -

What happens in an affair is that the romantic drive is triggered and the feelings are so intense that they overwhelm and outweigh the feelings of attachment. This is why people having affairs almost without fail say, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you..." They are comparing the intensity of the chemically driven obsession with the warm and loving attachment they have for their mate.

But attachment is the reason they can't simply walk away from the marriage. Attachment - as its name implies - goes very deep. Lust we can destroy - we all know that ! Romantic passion - ditto . But attachment - that's another thing entirely. Attachment is forever.


How to get over a lover? End all contact. Let the chemicals clear out of the brain. And then replace them with chemistry triggered by someone else - hopefully a spouse.

The other thing to consider is that an affair is new and exciting. We can't fully recreate that novelty with our mate. But we can do things to trigger the same types of brain chemistry and therefore those feelings - if we're willing to do the work."

eav1967....thanks for posting that. My STBX has been with the OW 2 years now. Just from knowing him as long as I have (almost 19 yrs.) I can tell you that he will not stay with her and he will regret what he's done. It will be way too late for me. It already is!

i've known my guy for 19 years also and we've been married for 15 years. it's a long time to love someone.


there's a chance that the affair MIGHT be over and i'm trying to form a great plan to fill his love bank.

it's been 3 years since he met her-8 month affair-9 months reconciling-he contacted her again (i know that now) and 8 months until he decided to leave-15 months he's been liveing near her and two weeks ago i found out that's why he left...i never believed it-never.

so..i told his family. i called her, and i "may have" talked to her husband.

so here i am, still loving him and hoping.

i'm looking for ideas if you have time to read my posts and share your thought.