This is going to be long, so please bear with me.
In June of 2004, a new female worker, let's call her "Elaine," transferred into my husband's place of employment. I always like to know about his co-workers (since he NEVER lets me visit his work), so I asked about this one. I said, "So, how's the new worker?" expecting an answer like I would get about any other new worker, "Oh, she's a hard-worker," or "She's pretty friendly, motivated, etc." What did I get instead? "I'd do her," and "she's hot," and also, "She's F---able." EXCUSE ME???! This did not bode well for our future.
July 22, 2004. DH's 35th birthday. I had been at MY new job for 3 months, and I went through a lot of heartache with my boss to get off work at 11am, so I could take my husband out for lunch at noon. When I called him, he said he was SO busy, he wasn't going to lunch. Okay, fine. I was super-hurt, but stayed at work. We went out for supper that night to celebrate our birthdays (mine is July 23).
August 2004. I spent 3 weeks out of town for work, coming home on weekends.
January 2005. I have never been a 'snooper,' but something told me to start digging around. On his cell bill, I found several calls to "Elaine", that took place in AUGUST, when I was out of town. I also found numerous porn movies that were purchased on our DishNetwork Pay-Per-View service while I was out of town. (I go out of town once a month for a weekend to work. I'm trying not to say what business I am in, but I think you all have figured it out now). We have our bills and $$$ separate, so I never thought to check his bills. I am an idiot.
I also found a videotape hidden in HIS dresser that said "BLANK" on the label. Stuck it in the VCR, and it's the porn movies that he had ordered on the weekends I was away. Lucky for me, DishNetwork plays time and date stamps before all their PPV movies, so I could match those with the bills.
Now, let me state that I used to not mind porn, so long as we watched it together, and he wasn't sneaking around to see it. Now I can't stand it, and won't watch it. It's especially disgusting to me, since he hides it from me.
When I asked DH about his cell bill, and the calls to this "Elaine" chick when I was out of town, he said he didn't remember WHy he called her. She has slept with another semi-married co-worker, so I don't put it past her to sleep with my husband.
I later find out that she was on convalescent leave after knee surgery, and on bed-rest, and he claims he called to see if she needed anything. Most of the calls were right at the time he was leaving work, but 2 were at 9pm. He was home with our kids, so please. Plus, another female co-worker was baby-sitting her, so WTH did she need my husband to bring her anything? Spare me the lies. He did admit to spending quiet, cozy smoke breaks alone with her behind the work building. I told him that it stops then and there. He is to end all contact, and prevent an affair.
He's quit smoking, and I know this from 2 of his co-workers, so at least he's not spending *that* time alone with her anymore.
I also found a receipt for Buffalo Wild Wings, for a lunch that he ate on his birthday. I asked him about it, and he told me that his boss must have taken him to lunch, he didn't remember. I can tell when he is lying, so I tucked that evidence away to save for later.
I called "Elaine" on Valentine's Day, after DH goaded me into it, and asked her what the H*** was going on. She denied. I called DH's boss a week later, and he said they hate each other.
Last week, I called ANOTHER of their female co-workers, we'll call her "Marie," because I found something with her name on it. (My husband is a huge joker, and if he writes a check to a friend, he'll put "sexual favors" on the memo line. I'm fine with him doing that with my sister, our friends, but a female co-worker from work? NO). SO, I called her, and we talked for an hour and a half, and are now friends. She and I have SO much in common, and I did over-react to the check, but I don't know any of DH's co-workers, have never met them, so I was super-jealous.
So, I spent the day with "Marie" this past Saturday. I haven't had any friends since I married Dh, because we move every 3 years due to his work, and he never introduces me to his co-workers or their wives, so it's hard for me to meet people. (I am super-shy, when I'm not at work). While "Marie" and I were out, she said that she had talked to "Elaine," and she thought that "Elaine" and I would get along great, and that "Elaine" was open to it. (I was afraid she was still mad at me). So, we all got together, and spent the day shopping. Then "Marie" and her husband and kids, and my husband and kids and I all went to the drive-in Saturday night.
DH told me how proud he was of me that I was being nice to his co-workers - he knew how hard it was for me to be nice to "Elaine." I told him I didn't do it to make her proud, God led me to apologize to her, and she and I get along well.
Now, I had stated this past January while we were watching a movie, "Man, wouldn't it suck if "Elaine" had the same birthday as one of us?" My hubby got the deer-in-the-headlights look, and I knew something was up. So, since January, I have been asking him when her b-day is, and can he find out. He never would. Hmmm.
Saturday night, I asked him, "Did you ever find out when "Elaine's" b-day is?" He said, "It's July 22." I was like, "WTH? When did you find out?" He told me, "Oh, I've known since last week." (He was on leave, and with ME and the kids this year on his birthday). I was kind of upset. We ended up having a talk that night about honesty, and he promised me a new start (we just went to marriage counseling this past Wednesday, and have learned a lot).
So, things were NOT adding up for me. On Sunday on the way home in the CAR, I said, "Did you really not know when her birthday was til last week?" He decides to come clean. "I've known since last year." I almost wrecked the car. He told me that in July of 2004, when I had taken the afternoon off to take him to lunch, HE HAD LUNCH WITH HER TO CELEBRATE THEIR BIRTHDAY. Also, he has had lunch with her several times, and she rode in OUR CAR with my hubby, and he's ridden in her truck. (He told me if he ever went to lunch with any of his co-workers, they all took separate cars). I spent all night Sunday night bawling.
I became a born-again Christian last August. DH has been attending church with me lately, and has been reading his Bible. He told me Sunday night in the midst of my pain that he could tell that I got saved - he's noticed the change in me. So, he has decided to come clean about all his sins. (I told him Jesus is the one he needs to come clean with - Jesus can forgive DH, I will just kill DH). He swears he hasn't slept with anyone. He also knows that I am this |-| close to walking out the door with the kids, even though I love him more than anything in this world. So, he has changed drastically.
Here's an email he sent me today:
Dear "Peachy,"
I want to tell you my love for you is stronger than it ever has been. I love you completely. Thank you for helping me in my time of need, both with our marriage and with the Lord. I have looked at your previous email and went to the website. I am looking forward to learning more {I sent him a link about how to accept Christ}. I hope you dont think I sound corny. But it is all true. I love you and hope that someday you might forgive me.
Your Loving Husband,
"Popeye"
So, can anyone help me? Any words of wisdom? How do I get past this?
Sorry my post was so long. I am very angry. He might as well have just slept with her, he did everything but. And I'd be prepared to hear THAT, I can't believe he screwed me over so he could spend our birthday with her, if he wasn't hitting it with her. *sigh*
We are going to church tonight, he is expressing SUCH a strong desire to find Christ, I am trying to help him.
Thanks for reading, I owe you several cookies if you got through this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
