i'm just looking for some signs of hope.

i didnt save my relationship BUT i learned alot about myself and i am involved again and very happy....the folks here are wonderful in support and will tell you like it is to help you...

Lots of people here have saved their marriages! Actually it seems more do than don't - but it's a LONG road. Most people who were successful, don't post here anymore...it seems after 2-3 years post d-day when recovery is finally developed into a successful marriage, people seem to disappear to their marriages as MB is no longer needed.

Alot of the Elders who stick around are success stories too. Just get your support here, keep trying the mB prinicipals and be ready for the long haul..some people have had to plan A for 9 months before their H's came home...There is hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes...I can honestly say that my marriage is saved. We are well into recovery and doing better now then in our 16+ years together. Even with my funky days, what we have now makes it all worth it.

I think when you can truly forgive your spouse and use the past as a learning tool and not as a badge of failure, you can truly recover. My FWW has also done so much to help me heal and has shown nothing but remorse for what she did. If your FWS does not do everything needed to help fix the damage, then I don't see much hope.

yep!

Absolutely!

i am here!! and thankfully i have found ARK's post on plan A strategies!

but my husband is here:

My WH has done nothing to help me heal and has shown little remorse for what he did-except for words. If your WH will not do everything needed to help fix the damage, then I don't see much hope.

but hey...the affair has really just been exposed so i'm not giving up!

Hi, Eve ... yes, my husband and I are working on rebuilding our marriage. We have been married for over 27 years and the past 10 have been something out of th Twilight Zone. He has struggled with a serious self-esteem problem that has resulted in a series of really bad choices and conduct that goes beyond anything that I have ever heard of in anyone else's "marriage". There has had to be a great deal of soul-searching, a couple of separation's and divorce filings and finally, a great big year long affair which came to light four months ago.

Needless to say, something radical had to happen in this man's life to get his attention and God did just about everything possible to heap coals of conviction on his head to turn him 180 to where he his headed NOW, by God's grace. I am no pushover and haven't laid down for any of his excursions, in fact, have fought to confront the problems in order to fix the seemingly endless string of abusive behaviors to this marriage. I love him. I love the man who struggles with adult ADD (attention deficit disorder) and who I know loves me with all of his heart, yet has run like a rabbit from his problems, problems which began in childhood with a family who was disfunctional by any definition and who had little understanding of this wreckless little boy who burned down the neighbor's field, had umpteen accidents (from impulsiveness) and who managed to illude the police for most of his 20 years as a minor. He was raised by an abusive, strict and unyeilding father and a compliant, enabling, peacemaker for a mother. I just picked up where she left off.

There's so much more to the story, but suffice to say, if two people love one another and promise to marry and stay married until death do you part, it's going to include many different stages in a lifetime together. It is IMPOSSIBLE to truly live happily together for that long a period of time, without forgiveness, restoration and a continual building process in place. We, none of us, are perfect and we allow all our very best to unload on those we love the very most. Until individuals begin to confront TRUTH and deal in honesty with one another, knowing that they will be heard and their portion of the power in the relationship preserved and respected by their mate, in addition to not holding another to a higher criteria than we are willing to hold ourselves to, there are the building blocks for the TRUST that will act as the foundation for that lifelong relationship.

CONFESS - FORGIVE - AGREE TO BOUNDARIES - GIVE UNSELFISHLY - HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTIBLE - AND LOVE WITH ABANDON ...

Yeah, you can repair a broken down heap of a marriage. Don't let anyone kid you. I've dated at least a dozen or more men while separated and they/we all come with "issues". The only thing that ever motivates working through those issues and the only thing worth fighting for, is LOVE. It's a tiny crystal of emotion that dwells in the heart and mind, yet it's power is enough that it will move mountains, even men, when they are finally objective and realistic enough to see it for the invaluable and irreplacible GIFT that it is ...

If we are wise, we will do the same.
~ Steeley ~

my marriage was recovered.

Well, thats a big MAYBE, though! We still don't know if that was even her H.

Amazing...this is a great way to explain how i feel. I finally realize what a gift this man's love was-i just hope he realizes the same.

ps
i've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am now taking medication. like you, my husband has dealt with alot.



melodylane,
i agree it's a big maybe! but i think talking to his family, talking to the other woman, and even her mother and daughter knwing that i called from the caller ID and getting so upset. It's a beginning. the boat has been sailing on smooth water and maybe i rocked it just a little?

eav, I think leaving threats on OW answering machine probably did rock the boat a little. Unfortunately, it probably just gave the OW a chance to spin it so that no one was any wiser.

actually melody,

i don't think telling her that she should stop seeing my husband or i would tell her husband and offer to testify if he went to court on adultry charges and/or tried to get custody was threatening her. It's the reality of the situation. That's what i told her.

i'm encouraged to hear that people have saved thier marriages using the strategies here.

therapists and lawyers say...once they leave...they rarely come back

it sounds different from what i'm hearing from people here!

i'd love to hear more success stories...it's what i really needed today

thanks!

Yep. Our marriage is 95% recovered after TWO separate affairs, five years apart. I'm looking forward to healing that other 5% but I am not pushing the timetable. Whenever it happens, or if it never happens, I am happy with what we have now and how we love each other today.

Hope this helps!

~ Snow

follow the harleys concepts, no easy route here, my marriage was saved by two who committed themselves to making it.

3+ years past the start of recovery. Yes, but not totally healed yet....recovery takes time, dedication, fortitude, perseverence, forgiveness, trust rebuilding, and reliance on love to overcome all the obstacles and "one step backwards" moments.

From 3+ years ago.... Miracles happen when you are obedient to God.

God bless and good luck!

Yes. We were (miraculously) able to save ours. Although we're only 2 months into recovery and we still have many mountains to climb, things are better than they've been in 6 years!

Almost two months into recovery here, too. Bumps here and there but we seem to be able to talk things out like we were not able to in the past. I know there will be more bumps big and little. Like whisper said, it is now better than it ever was.

This was an awesome quote from Steely, something I wholeheartedly backup.

FreeAllAngels

eav

A year ago my dear Squid stole our kids college money to take to OM and screw him in a seedy motel. They were going to us eit to 'make a new start' together. Every word she said was a lie, her every deed was spiteful and corrupt. She neglected our kids and abused me dreadfully.

She SWORE she never loved me and that she wanted me to find somebody else.
now just over a year later she just sent me a TXT from the picnic she's having with teh kids and some friends to say "Having a nice time but missing U here. I love you baby X"

She is a great Mom, a great wife. deeply ashamed and very committed to our M. And she loves me. Very much indeed. We've had 9 nmonths of NC.

I am now a good husband too.

Is our marriage saved ? We have far to go but YES our marriage is saved IMO.