Ongoing saga....Have been out for a few days.....

Just finished up a lovely extra long weekend with WS and DS. Took the opportunity to do some things around town & go on a short trip to the mountains. There were definitely some times where it seemed like things were back to normal & then times that were kind of strained.....All & all, WS & I grew closer together. I know that WS went 4 1/2 whole days w/out contact w/OW. Whoo Hoo. I heavily monitored activity.

WS called me at work today to say that OWH stopped by our house while we were gone. OWH spoke w/a neighbor wanting to know where my WS was & that he would be back later "to do some damage." Not sure how OWH found my WS or our house...No help from me(I was going to contact OWH after our long get-away).

So, I meet WS out & OW's friend calls my WS. Says that OW wants to talk to him.....SOOOOOOO, right there, my WS calls her!!!!!!! Starts to walk away to talk to her. I follow him and he walks away again after a few minutes. I follow him again & tell him: "If you are going to talk to her now, you can talk to her in front of me." They get disconnected. WS says he needs to call her back & I tell him no. He said he needs to do this to find out what OWH is up to. I say "NO." So, he walks outside at the Mall and calls her anyway. I follow him, but he continues to walk away. How humiliating.

So, I took DS and went home. WS comes home later & I let him know (once again) how much him calling her hurt me & how humiliated I was. Gave me the same lines(I don't want to hurt you, You are so precious to me, etc.) I give him the same responses(Then don't hurt me, Then start treating me like I am precious). Said he wasn't going to call her at all, except for he needed to find out what OWH was planning to do. ML - I Know You want me to call OWH. I think I will be found by him soon enough........

WS said that he didn't think of OW for such a huge chunk of the weekend, which is something he hasn't done for a long time. That he was actually thinking of us.

I asked him to not take steps backwards then in the progression that we had made. He still says that he loves me & is trying to Fall back in Love with me, but has not yet. I explained that he wouldn't be able to if he was still in contact with OW. I told him that I wanted to work on our marriage but he was making it awfully hard for me to continue.

I can see how this story is getting too long, think you all have the feel of what's going on. We really did have some very nice times this past weekend. BUT, am I just being a huge doormat??? It seems like I am always gong in this same cycle of making progression and then taking step backwards.

Am thinking of calling the "friend" who seems to be the relayer of messages, etc. between WS and OW. Should I call the OW's friend???? Not sure if the friend knows of the A or not.

August 14th will mark 3 months since D-Day. I am still on Plan A.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Kim
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years

Good, then help him out and call him tomorrow. Thats nice of you to allow the affair to carry on unimpeded [nice for the OW] but if you want to save your marriage, it might help if you would help YOURSELF instead of the affairees. See, the goal here is to BREAK UP THE AFFAIR, not help the bad guys hide their affair.

I know the OW thanks you for aiding and abetting her affair, but for appearances sake, could you perhaps pretend that you are not on THEIR SIDE for a moment and call the OWH?


ummm no. Plan A means doing everything in your power to bust up the affair. You won't even do the bare minimum effort and call up the OW's H.

What am I missing here? I thought you had contacted him EARLIER and offered to give him information when he needed it?

Kim - Well, I'm glad Melody posted first. When your WH had contact again with OW, you just went back to D-day. Please expose the affair to OW's husband.

Although I am sure you are dealing with a ton of humiliation right now and you don't need some [censored] like me beating on you about stuff...but please take a stand on him contacting her. I think NONE would about fit the bill. YOu are allowing him to disrespect you horribly by simply following him around whilst he makes his phone calls to OW. I imagine you are facing a fear of a number of things right now.... but allowing him to blatantly disrespect you is going to really harm your relationship potential with your H.

How?

Imagine back in high school. The girl the screwed everybody had nobody... because no guy repected her. Don;t allow him to walk all over you. Be very kind and very honest... and expose him. Talk with OWH. Talk with other folks as well. Do not do it in a vengeful manner. Then, the daylight will kill the vampire and you might have something to work with.

Thats my take. Hi... never posted to you btw... nice to meet you.

I did contact OWH before....ML advised me to expose again since WS was giving OW notes as communication. I wanted to do it before the long weekend, but did not. I had made up my mind to do it afterwards, which would have been today.

Got to go WH is getting up....Will hop back on later(If I can stay up!!!)

Kim

Exposure is not COMPLETE since the OWH was given only minimal information, no names, and the promise that you would follow up with more information. You never did that. You did it ANONYMOUSLY. You wouldn't even give him your name or any way to follow up with you. This has allowed the OW to carry on her affair since all she had to do was deny it. He would have no defense to that since he couldn't contact Kim.

And since that time, the affair has resumed - of course - and he has not been told and has no WAY of contacting you since you didn't do what you promised and stay in touch with him.

I would imagine he is BESIDE himself with anxiety trying to figure out what is going on and how to get ahold of you all the while his wife is still carrying on with your H.

Kim, frankly, I don't get it. I honestly cannot tell WHOSE side you are on. I thought you wanted to bust up this affair, but I don't even see minimal effort towards that end. I also think its downright cruel to dangle enough crumbs in front of the OWH's face but not enough for him to do a damn thing about this affair. It has only allowed the affair to continue because the OWH doesn't have a shred of evidence with an anonymous half-assed "exposure."