All of this hurts so bad that I can not sleep at all. It makes me sick beyond belief. I am getting a divorce I did not want. He is happy with other women that he choose over me & our 3 beautiful kids and it is killing me emotionally. They say you reap what you so, but the exact opposite is true in my case. I am so miserable every second that I wish I was dead. I hate walking around feeling this way every second. It is too much too handle. I feel like I am living ****** on Earth.

stormy...I am sorry you are going through this but happy you found MB's website

I am going to post this on general questions where you will get some help and more replies.

Im the meantime..look around and read up.

Again I'm sorry you have to be here

It is in Generel questions under "StormyDakota needs help" I'm sure you'll get some responses

Thanks, I also ended up posting it there last night. I have had zero sleep. I feel sick insdie and out. The pain is so overwhelming.

Stormy,

You aren't alone. I divorced the love of my life and it almost killed me. I did not sleep and hurt so bad that I wanted to die.

But, wounds heal. These are deep wounds it will take time for you but you will get to the point where it is just a scar.

I am on the one year anniversary where I knew my wife was knee -deep in another EA and possible PA. I am still hurting some but nothing, nothing like you are going through now or how it was for me one year ago.

Keith

Stormy, did you get some sleep?

Reading your post broke my heart as many of them do.
I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going through. It's been a year since my STBX moved out and in with the OW. I have never felt such pain in my life. I too felt like I would rather die. I want you to know that it will get better. I promise you that. The pain doesn't go away but it does lessen a bit. you have to take care of YOU and your kids right now. Forget about him. He's going to do what he's going to do. Now is the time to think of yourself. Know that God is there for you and that he will be by your side. Surround yourself with family and friends. They will help you!!! If you need to talk you can feel free to email me at [email]CarolinaChic1970@aol.com.[/email]
I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs to you!!!!

{{{{Stormy}}}}

I'm so sorry you are hurting. It breaks my heart reading your post. I too have been there.

I have been with my STBX since I was 17, he was my only love. We have 5 beautiful children and in March 2003 he had an affair with a close friend of mine. I am very much in tune with my STBX and knew right away when the affair started. The lies began and he even accused me of being crazy. I was in pain, my heart felt as if it was ripped out. I went to counseling on my own for 6 months and tried so much to save my marriage, for me and the children. Things never got better for me, it was in fact getting worse.

In May 2004 I hired a PI and found out I was not crazy after all, I knew the affair was going on but part of me was in denial. The proof from the PI helped me to see a clear picture. I approached STBX and he cried and begged for forgiveness, I tried to reconcile. Four weeks later I found them together, and that is when I knew in my heart I had given 100% and it was time to move on.

During March 2003 until a few months after I left him, I was a mess.I remember wondering if I would ever be able to smile and laugh again, when the pain would go away,and when can I function as a normal human being again. I was also afraid of being on my own and how I would live my life without him.

I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster, I lost so much weight,my blood pressure was high, I had no appetite and could not sleep. I went to see my personal Physician because I was truly afraid that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. She put me on medications and suggested that I see a therapist again. I knew I had to take care of myself, mainly because my children needed me.


When I was first separated, I focused on my children and myself. When the children were with their Dad, I went to visit friends and families. It was hard being alone, I was a stay at home Mom and always had the children with me. After a few months, I forced myself to be alone when the children were with their Dad.(Now I enjoy being by myself!) I started thinking about my future and started to rediscover myself again. I slowly found myself crying less and less. I started smiling more and even caught myself laughing again. It was nice to see the light again.

Tomorrow will be a year since I left STBX and I am excited about my life. I'm going back to school this fall and will work toward a degree. My oldest is starting college, and my 4 younger kids are doing wonderful. I can honestly say that I'm back, and I like the new and improve me. My kids even notice the changes in me and that makes a huge difference, kids know more than we give them credit.

Stormy, I know it seems like there is no end to your pain right now, but trust me, you will come out of this. It will make you a stronger woman. Look at it as a second chance, a new begining. See this experience as a valuable lesson and learn from it. Get involve with a Divorce Care group at a local church in your area. Take care of yourself and you children. Don't waste your time thinking about him, because I guarantee you, he is not thinking about you. I know that sounds cruel, but it is the truth.

Hugs,

I'm so sorry, Stormy.

There is no one that can understand what you are going through unless they've lived it, and I have.

There is life after an unwanted divorce, though it may scar you forever. You will heal, and you can love. Start by loving your kids and allowing and encouraging them to love their father, even though it isn't fair...he doesn't deserve it, etc, etc.

My heart truly breaks for you. When I was where you are, it felt like it would never end. I sought the people who and been on the brink of divorce but were spared and placed all of my hope in their successes. It doesn't always work that way. While it may take two to make a marriage work, it only takes one to actually bring a divorce.

The odds are very good that this "happiness" he has with the other woman is fleeting, at best. There is some comfort in that, believe it or not. But it doesn't make the pain you are feeling any less real.

I'm here on the other side, and I can assure you that it will get easier. Nearly 7 years later, I can't say that it really ever goes away, but it does get easier.

Thanks for the encouragement. All of you are so extremely nice. I am still in the depths of the pain. I keep telling myself it will start to get better. It has to get better at some point. I am trying to hang on to the hope of that. My Doctor prescribed some sleeping pills. They help, but I am worried about becoming dependent on them. I wish I could fast forward a year or two into the future so I could feel that it does not still feel this way. Words just do not desribe the pain, hurt, rejection, shattered dreams, and overwhelming lonliness. I know God is there, but I still am suffocating by this hurt. I always thought I was a strong person, but now I just feel weak.

You aren't weak....you are just hurt. You are a strong woman and you have to pick yourself up and keep going. Reading your posts brings back memories for me. I felt just like you. I seriously thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I couldn't sleep, eat, smile or even do anything with my son. I was with my STBX for 18 years. I've known and loved him almost my whole life. All I can tell you is to give it time. I promise you it WILL get better. I rarely cry these days and am actually pretty happy. I have seen that there is still life out there and I am growing into a stronger person.
The pain you are feeling right now will lessen over time. It will always be there but it will be easier to deal with. Just take care of YOU right now. You can't do anything to change your WS....
I honestly belive that God knows what is best for us and he will bring you through this. You will be happy again I promise!!!!! Keep your chin up and smile!
You can always email me if you need some support!

Thanks again, and that is just it I do feel like I am slowly dying of a broken heart. Sometimes people on the site can put my feelings and pain into words better than I can do it myself.

Hang in there!!! This too shall pass! You will be in my prayers. I'm here is you need me...
Trish

If you are worried about the sleeping pills, try Tylenol PM. I was such a basket case that I had the most extreme physical sensations running up and down my body, besides all the emotional crap. Tylenol PM made it go away long enough to sleep. After several nights of no sleep.

Now I'm back to not sleeping - as the D heats up and I'm spending lots of time in limbo land. I sleep, but wake up several times a night and sometimes can't get back to sleep. I have resorted back to taking Tylenol PM again every once in a while, and it really helps.

Sleep deprivation makes everything worse: the depression, the inability to think straight, you end up being tired to the point of exhaustion but not able to relax... the list goes on. So, I say, do what you need to do so you can sleep. But try the Tylenol before you get too heavy into the prescription drugs.

BTW, Tree is right - it WILL get better. Life WILL go on. Trust us - all of us - who've been there and done that, some of us still doing it, but we can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will too.

Thanks, I was trying the TYlenol PM, but at the time it was not working. My situation/circumstances have changed some. I am also on AD and that also seems to be helping. I am still depressed, but it is not as severe. Thanks for all of the support. The people on this board have helped so much. You are all like guardian angels from above.

Stormy

Stormy,
let this board be your refuge. I know that it was for me for many months. The encouragement I received made all the difference in the world. You can do this. With help from the wise ones here, and your faith in God, you can be a victor and not a victim. After all, thats what God desires for you. You will be in my prayers.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
I am so sorry for what you are going thru. Yes the people here are so warm and nice and supportive.
I am in the same sitch you are- he 42-me 41 - ow 50 and married too. He moved with her and dosent seem to have a care in the world.
Have not slept thru the night since finding them together. Im sure hes sleeping very well.
They say theres light at the end of the tunnel and this is a very trying season of your life- but ive got to know God must have something better in store for me. Theres something i need to learn. It seems that when I got baptised and joined church- everything I held dear came crashing down. I lost my mom- found out h was cheating on me and moved with her. my 3 children are here looking like what is going on. I started thinking if I hadnt joined maybe things wouldnt have crashed down on me. But ive been told that things are being revealed to me for a reason- that all this secracy and darkness needed to be exposed and he has something better for me and a lesson learned.
I dont know what that is but I have realized one thing- I have been alone for a long time- I was here raising the kids and keeping this family together - not him. So if I have one thing Im working on is for me to know its ok to be alone and that maybe i am stronger than I thought.