Oh my Kandi,

I am realizing more and more about your M. I was once in a R with a man who never seemed happy with me or the things I did (and he later cheated on me). I never realized how jumpy I was and how much I TRIED to please him until I was out of the R. It was was as though he was working out some sort of angst on ME. I told him I was tired of being his whipping boy...

I am VERY sensitive to negative comments and eye rolls, exasperated looks, etc. And what has become clearer to me is why the posters bothered you so much...you are equally sensitive. You have been dancing the bullets so long, you don't know which way to move, and posters are giving you advice ALL over the place, you don't know which direction to turn.

What is sad now, is ALL the energy you have spent into this M, and ignoring yourself...and how Ed ignored you too. Who are YOU Kandi? What do YOU want...you people pleaser...
You are a GREAT person...time for healing, anger, building yourself up...

Do me a favor? Ask your friend to tell you all the wonderful things about YOU!!!

Kandi -
I hope you still are lurking and see this. . .

Good luck with your future. You seem like such a great person and you really deserve happiness. I was glad to see your posts about the new guy (As for Ed and all the people who came down on you about having such a relationship - screw them!) - you sounded so happy and refreshed in those posts! I thought if I were in your sitch that would probably be exactly what I needed too -- a little breath of fresh air!

About these emails for Ed . . . just further prove of his confused way of thinking and attempts to manipulate people. And the fact that he spends time lurking on here -- get a real life, Ed.

Anyway, Kandi, I just wish you the best! Good luck with school - for you and the boys.

Beth

Kandi
It must have hurt you so much for your H to say he always still loved the OW. Please realize that is a manipulation--b/c he is jealous. He still wants to hurt you in order to keep you engaged. Your pain must in some part be b/c you realize is HAS to be over. As long as he wants to continue to emotionally abuse you, you cannot stay or work on the marriage. I just want to say though, that you have not really been on your own until the M is really over. You do need time alone after the M is over to work on yourself and the damage all of this has done to you. YOu don't want to take all of your pain into another relationship. It is so hard to truly be alone.

Thank you!

yes, he has said many things that I have never heard before...I will not go into any details...Let's just say, I now know what it is supposed to be like...and I feel very sorry for Ed's OW...unless he learns to treat her better than he treated me, which for his sake I hope he does...

dont worry about me...I am happy...I am happier now than I have been is a very long time...yesterday was a very hard day...I will not allow him to threaten or beat me down the way he has...nuff said...

I'll be back...and I'll still lurk and if something jumps out I will respond...just wish me luck and pray for me...thank you!

Wishing all the best for you and your boys.

I am a WW and a BW, and what concerns me about Kandi is that to be finding your self worth in another person is just like having an A. Also, remember, almost every relationship starts off perfect. PLease be careful. I am getting a D, sadly, but I am seeing how I have turned to someone else as an escape. It is so dangerous--even if you are not married at all....