For the past month I have read everything I can get my hands on concerning infidelity, pregnancy, and abortion. My so called "perfect" life has been completely turned upside down. Maybe someone has been through this and can provide me with hope.

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We dated 5 years before we were married. We had strong convictins and vowed to stay pure until our wedding night. With God's help we kept our promise to each other. He is the only man I have ever been with. And, for a while I was the only woman he had ever been with. After our wedding I had two years of college left. We decided to put kids on hold until I graduated and got a job. I took a teaching position, and the stress that comes with being around kids all day made me want to wait a little longer. Once I felt secure, my husband was on the job market. For 1 1/2 years, he looked for a job. We were scared to have kids when we were not sure if we could pay our bills each month. Through all this we both supported one another. I knew how much he worried about taking care of me and I tried to assure him that he was doing a wonderful job. Each month, God provided for us and then blessed my husband with a good job about an hour form our home. We just knew that everytihng was falling into place. We bought our first house, I got a job close to his, everything was going "perfect." We were ready to have a baby when my dad became very ill. For almost 3 months, we were not sure he would live. I could not think about being pregnant when I worried about my dad every day. This past Christmas, my dad looked so good. I went to the doctor and we were ready to have our family!

That is when I started noticing changes in my husband. He began to say things like he did not know if he wanted children. How could he raise them in this world. Slowly he starting shutting my out of everything. We went to talking constantly, to barely saying two words. When I would try to talk he would get upset. By June, I was crying myself to sleep every night. I could not figure out what I had done wrong.

Finally, my husband opened up to me and confessed that he had an affair around Jan - Feb. I was heart broken. This was not supposed to happen to us. We were each others best friend. He said he never meant it to happen. He says Satan tempted him with things like - "You've only kissed one girl, How can you only be with one woman for the rest of your life?" I always said that if my husband cheated, I would leave no questions asked.

About two weeks later, I kept pushing for more details. I knew there was something he was not telling me. Then he broke down and said she had gotten pregnant - through birth control and a condom - but she opted for an abortion. My husband loves children so much. He tried to convince her not to but she said she could not deal with what they had done. I know they both realize their relationship was a mistake.

So here I am, confused by all this. I am scared we will never get back what we had. I know he will always care for her because he blames himself for putting her in that situation. He tells me that he loves me, but I think he loves her more. They made a baby together. They experienced what I wanted to experience. I still love him, but I don't know how to get through this. I pray for God's guidance daily. I know that God hates divorce, but sometimes I think this is too much. We love each other and have known each other for 10 years. But what keeps us together. We have no children. I know in my heart that if she would have kept the baby, we would have divorced so he could marry her. The baby was the innocent one and he would have done anything to protect the baby.

I flip back and forth daily whether to stay or whether to go. Any adivce would be helpful. I truly want to obey God, but I have never felt so much pain.

Thank you for reading my story.

Hi MySo. I'm glad you found this place and sorry you had to look for it. I believe God brought you here as He brought me and so many others. There is Hope here and healing too. I am finding it and with His help you may find it as well.

I'm not one of the experts here. I'm just a guy with a heart as badly broken as yours but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. I'm sure the veterans will be checking in soon, this place is full of wonderful, caring people. I know how important it was to me when I first came here to know I was not alone and I want to tell you that you're not alone either.

You don't say how long you have been living with the terrible truth but it feels like it isn't so very long. I want to share with you some wonderful advice I got when I showed up here all broken and scared. Don't make any decisions in the grip of horrible emotional turmoil that you might regret later on. Leaving the marriage is always an option but so is saving it and making it better. Marriage Builders is about SAVING marriages and so far it has done that for me. Read everything on this site, not just the forums. Come to the forums with questions and your emotions and the people here, and God, will fold you in their arms and comfort you.

I listened to those words and I'm still here, sane, with more than a little hope that my own marrige can be saved. Give MB, and your heart, some time. Time, and God, are on your side.

MSCL,

I too am new here.I recently posted a situation that is a bit similar to yours.I know exactly what you mean about him being far away..distant.In my situation,he seems virtually unreachable.I am on the verge of giving up one day,and
want to think we can get through anything the next.

It would seem to me (and i certainly am no expert)that he
took a step in the right direction by telling you about the
A in the first place.He most probably is extremely confused
and upset by the news of the baby.(i know in my case this is true).He doesn't have any children,and for the first one to come about this way (not the way he ever imagined i'm sure) probably has him full of regret,sadness,and devastation.

I think there must still be a will somewhere in him to save your marriage..he is still there after all.I think that if he wanted to be with OW, he would have.But he chose you,and
he chose to tell you the truth about what happened.

I have no words of wisdom...i think you should give him time to process what has happened.Let the smoke clear a bit.
He probably doesn't know how he feels right now,so give him time to sort through his feelings.

My advice to you is to take time for YOU.while he is figuring his stuff out...do the same.Decide what you can and cannot deal with.Decide how YOU feel.Recognize YOUR hurt.And do things that bring you joy.Hope all works out
for you.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. To answer your question, I have been dealing with this situation for exactly one month today. What scares me is that in the beginning, I was ready to deal with this head-on; support my husband and help him deal with the pain he is feeling also. But it seems that with each passing day, I think more about letting go.

Sometimes I think this would be easier if we had a bad marriage. Maybe if we had fought and been mean to each other - this situation could bring us back together. But that is not the case. I try so very hard to think about what went wrong and I can not put my finger on it. I am reading Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley and we are both reading His Needs Her Needs. Yes there are some things we can work on - but nothing major. I feel like I'm trying to fix something I never knew was broken. Even though I know this is not my fault, it is hard not to feel partly responsible.

I know with God and lots of time, the wounds will heal, but how much time?

I forgot to mention that he met this woman at work, and yes, they both still work there. He has been looking for a new job the past 4 months, but nothing yet. I really don't know how long I can hang on.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Just a thought Myso, Even though you may not have had specific problems between the two of you, it does sound like some life stresses were thrown your way and maybe your focus on eachother just got put to the wayside. It sounds like you two are doing what you can to make some peace with this and repair your relationship. Are you confident the affair is now over and was your husband in love with this other woman? They will make a difference on whether or not the two of you can move forward together. Good luck to you!

We were dealing with a lot of life issues - both our dads had open heart surgery within 6 months of each other, we job hunted for well over a year, and we have always made time (sometimes too much) for our family and less time for us. Thank you for pointing that out - we were stressed.

I truly believe in my heart that the physical affair is over. They had sex only once and knew immediately that what they had done was wrong. At that point, I believe my husband cared for her, but I would not say it was love. I think it would haved ended there. But, my husband said he started to get this strange feeling that she was pregnant. He asked her to take a test and the test showed she was. Once my husband knew she was pregnant I think he began to care for her more - not because of her, but because of his child. She went to the doctor and told my husband it was just a false alarm. He emailed her and said he was glad this was all behind them and maybe they could now move on. The very next day she confessed to having an abortion.

While I want to believe in my heart that it is the child he loves and not her - I still worry.

Thank you so much for responding and providing me with hope. I have very few people whom I can talk to about this.

God Bless!