Well, I guess the nightmares are starting now.<P>Last night, I had a nightmare. It was basically this:<P>My H had proposed marriage to me again and given me a beautiful engagement ring. Then, everywhere I went, women were telling me, "You dumb-butt! Do you really think he loves you? Maybe you need to know that I screwed him." They were laughing their heads off. The last suspected OW said, "Damn! Maybe I should have chased him a little more...that ring would be on my finger now!"<P>I woke myself up as I was saying, "NO!" and sitting up straight in bed. I hope this is the only time I dream this stuff. I didn't sleep worth a hoot after that.<P>Somehow, I've gotta start believing him, but HOW CAN I????

One of the things I have learned from this situation is how conditionally I have loved my husband. <P>You (we/betrayed) can't control our spouses actions. We can't make them faithful, we can't make them not lie. If we choose to do so, all we really can do is love them and set our own boundaries. I'm a year and a half into this and I still can't quite get my boundaries right--and he's nearly always right at the edge or leaping completely through them, then he comes back.<P>Trust is so tough. Right now I am not required to even try to trust my H's faithfulness or honesty. He's promised those things, but I doubt him. However, the last several weeks I've done my best to hold him accountable but yet not beat him over the head with my doubts. At the moment this works, it hasn't always in the past.<P>If you aren't in counseling, individual for you if he won't go, I highly recommend it. You can't trust your emotions any more than your H can trust his and it is so helpful to have someone objective to guide you in setting your own goals, desires, and boundaries.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>