I am a very strong person. When I put my mind to something I achieve it. You are right about my comfort level being very important to me, but my marriage is my top priority and I know you don't agree with this, but keeping this to myself is the only way. I can kick this by myself, cold-turkey. I know I can. As it is I haven't given this other guy much thought today.

If I tell you something you will think I am totally insane. I believe that God is calling me, and you know what? Sometimes I think that he is sending me signs. I always go out for walks because it relaxes me and do you know that more than once I have almost, almost stepped on dead birds!! How weird is that??? And of course, it's just totally crazy to think that this is a sign but I have a huge bird-phobia!

So I guess the only question is can you have a good marriage without honesty? That's a black and white answer, there is no room for gray.

Mari-

I agree with all the advice you've been given to tell your husband...and if you truly feel that you can do this by yourself, then you're selling your husband short. You're denying him the chance to help you, and you're risking the future of your marriage by doing so. Choosing not to tell him has nothing to do with protecting him or helping him...it has everything to do with NOT being willing to face up to the consequences of your actions. It's a selfish choice, not a selfless one.

Turn the tables...wouldn't you prefer that your husband came to you and told you that he'd made a mistake by kissing another woman, but he'd realized what he'd done, and he didn't want to live his marriage as a lie by not telling you? Or would you prefer that he hid this from you, and that the risk of it happening again (because nothing had been done to fix the problem) remains for years to come?

Your choice...simply because you're not willing to give your husband HIS choices in this matter.

Good luck to both of you.

I slipped. I made a mistake that I will never make again. I choose to keep this to myself because I am selfish and a coward. I will not tell my husband because this won't happen again.

Mari, your husband is operating in the dark here. He feels the distance. He is probably scared too. You need to tell him what is going on. He has a right to know so he can make his own decisions about his life, just like you are. He has the same rights in your marriage as you do, don’t you think? Or do you believe he somehow needs to be controlled and manipulated and have truth filtered else he will not be the husband you want?

You might actually drive him into his own affair with this lone-wolf attitude of yours, you know.

You already know he loves you very much. Now give him credit for some brains.


“I always go out for walks because it relaxes me and do you know that more than once I have almost, almost stepped on dead birds!! How weird is that??? And of course, it's just totally crazy to think that this is a sign but I have a huge bird-phobia!”

I believe in God. I believe God calls to us and He sends us what we need when we need it. No doubt at all.

But, I might also be wondering why there are so many dead birds around. Rabies? West Nile virus? You might want to take care health-wise, too.

Oh, and then there is what Freud says about people with bird-phobias, lol.

This decision ... to keep secrets to yourself ~within~ you marriage...

will

increase your sense of isolation

decrease your sense of ~really~ being loved by your husband

which will in turn

increase your resentment

which will put stress on you

which will

make another affair an attractive alternative to the stress ~created by you~ in your home

There is no easy way out if you really want to love and respect yourself.

What did Freud think of people with bird phobias? Now I am curious. Am I loosing it? I wouldn't doubt it.

The city that I live in right now is going through a West Nile Virus scare....that must be the dead bird explanation....and I thought it was my sins!!! Just kidding, really.

He said, people who fear birds must tell their spouse the truth in all things. It is the only way to remain sane.

Or something like that. And if he didn't he should have.

JA JA JA!! Ok, you got me!! I need some time. I really have to think about this.

Bwhaaaaaaaaaa

I found 2 dead crows lying side-by-side in the street recently. They were dead as heck ... but appeared to be sleeping. No injuries.

I called the WNV hotline ... they told me to bag the birds and leave them on my front porch ... they came and picked up the birds ... and about 10 days later, they called to tell us the birds did NOT have WNV.

I was so surprised to hear they did NOT have the virus.... still dead all the same ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Mari ~ what is your native language?

I am from South America but live in North America (can you tell I am being cautious in case anyone may read my posts and guess who I am) Paranoid.

Spanish or Portugese?

Español.

Que bueno.

~Pepita

I should have known!!! The firecracker that tells it like it is is latin also...too funny!!! I feel so much better today than I did yesterday, such a sense of relief that I am not the only person on this earth struggling with life decisions. That I am not the only one with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I also, as dumb as this sounds, realize that I am completely responsible for all my decisions, good or bad, and that I can screw something up in seconds (or NOT!!).

~only~ Latina by marriage ! LOL

Mi esposo is genetically Latino ... but his temperment is decidedly Americano. He behaves more caucasian than I do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I am a red-headed freckled Irish girl .... and we are ~worse~ firecrackers than Latina's !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

AND ... I am probably your grandmother's age! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I've heard about red-headed Irish girls....!!!Watch out, yup, get Latinas and Irish together, can you imagine?

You are very wise, I like your spunk and even though you got on my nerves a little yesterday I appreciate your honesty. Now I have to go to shop for my little one's birthday party. Family is happiness, and looking at my kids funny faces....I wouldn't trade it for the world!

So?

How are you doing today?

Y que va Usted a hacer? Cuando va Usted a hablar con su esposo? Yo pregunto porque este es MUY importante...

LOL...and I'm a standard American mutt...half Cherokee, half Irish. So got the long fuse from my grandmothers with the hot temper of my grandfathers...combine that with my wife's 100% German temper and it makes arguments in my house another world war! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />