Today makes one year since the gavel came down on my marriage. Back then I was beside myself in despair; now I’m merely sad. On that day I was employed knowing that ‘at least my job wasn’t in jeopardy’. They fired me 5 months ago. The world was so bright for my xW that day she literally ran from the courthouse singing “I’m free, I’m free”. Today she’s engaged to the OM, but claims she is unhappy. The business she started during the Dv is struggling and she has no friends except OM.

The one year outcome from this affair driven divorce: Two sad lonely and financially strapped parents. Two physically healthy, but emotionally confused children. In short, a family in flux. One year later, I’m still not convinced that Dv is a solution for most marital difficulties. Nor am do believe that ‘getting over it’ is as easy as folks want to think. Oh yeah, one other thing: Affairs are not only doomed from the start they destroy what’s left.

xW and I can communicate now. I do so for our kids’ sake, I limit it for mine. She says she doesn’t tell OM/fiancé how bad things are b/c she doesn’t want him to worry. Why tell me then? I think of the thousands of dollars they spend shuttling bxn their cities every other weekend; the hours on the phone, etc and wonder how much happier my boys would be if that effort were directed at them.

Though I’m committed to a positive relationship with the mother of our children, I’m not in love with the person she’s become. I sometimes wonder if I will ever have the capacity or inclination to ever be in love again. What a year indeed.

But you know? Last year on this day my little son was in a hospital with meningitis. Today, he is hale and whole. That my friends, is progress, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.

A great post, dleightonc. I wish we could post this to every single one of those adult dating/sex finder sites, post it on the bulletin boards in places of employment, put it up on billboards, you name it. Maybe that way the would-be-cheating spouse may think twice about their selfish actions. Look at the havoc you can cause in so many lives and in all probability, you won't be happy and eventually it will get even worse for you.

Your statement "Affairs are not only doomed from the start they destroy what’s left." pretty much puts it in a nutshell.

What I cannot understand is why family courts would award custody to the wandering parent who is leaving his/her spouse for another lover. Unless there is some compelling reason to do otherwise, the parent should be required to give up his/her children. It should cost them everything. It's the price you have to pay for causing so much pain.

Your words are so true.
As I read what you wrote I couldn't help but think what a very sad mess your ex has made of things.

I agree about marriage,it is tossed aside far too lightly.

Personally I think well meaning but poorly educated counselors can be a big part of the problem.
After reading Michele Davis, Divorce Busters and other such books I realised how very destructive it can be for people contemplating divorce to seek out just any counselor.

It's good to hear that you are not in love with her anymore............I can't wait for the day that I can say the same.
I understand your sadness.It is such a terrible shame,particularly with children involved.
Sounds like the OM wasn't worth it for her.
If only we could educate people about the grass is greener syndrome.

Everybody is aware of the high divorce rate.
Perhaps if they started awareness campaignes via the media suggested the likely outcome of divorce.
Perhaps if there was more public encouragement for people to try to work it out etc.

I think if my partner had spoken to a pro marriage counselor only a short time ago,we would still be together.

Wonderful to hear that your son is well.I've been through the same with my adult son and our outcome was positive as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love BrandyB

So sad that it takes a whole family's chaos to get some folks to realize that affairs are toxic and divorce is destructive.

These last two years nearly broke me. Although I am healing, I feel that I'm depriving my sons the happy dad they deserve whilst my heart mends. Children deserve more than a mother addicted to pleasure and a father addled by pain.

Divorce makes parents selfish. THAT's what's unfair about it.