My husband and I separated 3 years ago for a year and a half. He moved into a "half-way" house funded by the local churches to give people suddenly without a roof of their heads a place to call home...he didn't fit any of the criteria as he worked two jobs and could afford a place but he lacked the willingness to get one (never lived ALONE before) and our pastor at the time pulled some strings for him and got him in there...anyways...he was only allowed to be there 18 months. His 18 month time limit came and he again had no where to go and the protection from abuse order I had on him had ran out 6 months before that so while I was away for a weekend with a man I had been dating he proceeded to move back in our home that we owned at the time. So to move things ahead we ended up co-habitating for another 18 months until finally this past March I had had enough and kicked him out. (We had lack of trust issues on both sides and mother in law (his mother) issues for years)So he readily agrees to move out and never comes back only to grab his clothes. A week or so later comes the reason why he so readily moved out. He moved in with my best girlfriend. Now here's the story that happened a month before I kicked him out... I had gone away on a business trip the first weekend in Feb. While I was traveling to where I was going I got a call on my cell from him that he had fallen and couldn't get up..(good joke there but I'll leave it be) I kept losing signal on my cell and finally told him to call me when he got to the ER. (by this time I was 3 hours from home.) now normally when anything happened and I was not home he would have called my mother or my sister in law to help him with whatever. But to my surprise he called my best friend...I thought well okay...maybe no one else was around...whatever...now a month later it was all slowly piecing together. By looking at our cell phone bills they had been talking quite a bit from Jan - March and coincidentally she kicked her live in boyfriend out the day before I kicked him out of our house.

So now here we are months later..the divorce is in high gear...the child support is being paid... the spousal support is being paid...we had an initial meeting with a mediator for visitation and a temporary order was put in place where I have physical custody of the daughter we have together (my son is from my first marriage and doesn't see his dad...but that's an entirely different story) and he has the normal visitation schedule..every other weekend blah blah blah...but now here's the kicker...he wants custody of her...for no apparent reason...there is nothing written on the order of complaint as to anything negative towards me...he just wants custody. While I would never in a million years keep him from her he definately could not care for her 24/7. He's just not the type...if you knew him you would understand my saying that. So while we are waiting for a hearing date to go in front of the Judge I am wondering what I can do to prepare for this. I have already made it known that there were two previous protection from abuse orders placed on him...the first one he had me drop and the second one was placed on him for the period of one year. I have made it known that he is living with this other woman in her home with her two boys. I have made it known that my daughter doesn't not like this woman nor her two boys. (I really think all that stems from...one day this woman and her boys were mommy's friends and the next day daddy is living with her and sharing a bed with her) I'm wondering what other things I can do to appeal to the Judge that she belongs here with her brother and myself. We were ordered to attend a "Coping with Divorce" parenting class. (all custody cases in Pennsylvania are made to do this before the courts will issue a hearing date.) I did mine the Saturday after our mediation hearing. He has yet to do his.

I would love to hear anyones ideas or previous experience..especially in Pennsylvania. Custody was never an issue with my son and when the soon to be ex and I separated last time he didn't ask for custody of her. So this is all new to me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully I can gain some more knowledge. I have ordered 3 books that were recommended by the class instructor.....

Divorce Workbook: Guide for Kids and Families by Ives, Sally B.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Really Important Things : Specific Questions and Answers and Useful Things to Say by Charles E. Schaefer, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo

How to Talk to Teens About Really Important Things : Specific Questions and Answers and Useful Things to Say
By: Charles E. Schaefer, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo

I also ordered One: A Field Guide to Relationships That Last by Harley, Willard F

Hugs
Alluring

Lots of people reading but none responding...why is that???

Im sorry no one has replied

I dont know how I can help you, My X cooperated and kids are older and didnt want to spend time with dad and dad didnt want them infringing on his new family anyway.

Im now sure what you are asking, maybe that is why no one has re[lied. If your only Q is how to prepare for this, Have you asked your lawyer? If you cant have hearing until he has attended court required parenting class that judge will find him in contempt if he doesnt get with the program.

how old is your daughter

what was the TRO for?

Take care for now,
Dawn

Allurin- If you were to separate your post into paragraphs, it might make it easier to get through & read. I have tried a couple of times, but got lost when all the words ran together. Could you edit it, and separate into a few paragraphs? That might help. Also, there is very little traffic here on the weekends; hopefully Monday you will have a few more replies.

Hi Alluring. Thanks for cleaning up the popcorn mess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My gut feeling is that your STBX has decided to go for custody so he won't have to pay child support. I doubt he has a leg to stand on, particularly with the separation history, so don't stress over it. But DO make sure you're displaying exemplary parenting skills yourself...depending on what state you're in, while dating prior to divorce in no-fault states doesn't mean a hill of beans as far as a divorce being granted, it does play a part in the custody portion. So no overnights when kiddelies are around. Let your STBX sink his boat, but not yours.

Thanks Laura!!

While I have been dating there have not been and will not be any over night guests while the kids are here...I truly believe that does more harm than good all the way around regardless of the custody hearing. I appreciate your comments!! And I'm hoping the captain goes down with his dingy reallll soon!!

Hugs
Alluring
official popcorn cleaner uppper

Allurin,

Just curious as to why you should be the only one considered to be the parent and why you are surprised that your STBXH might want to be more of a parent that every other weekend and odd night here and there? Is it inconceivable that he may actually love his child?

I suspect you are not getting many answers because most women believe as you do, and the men reading realize that you don't want any help other than to stick it to your H if possible. That is the tone of post anyway.

Since this is a marriage building site, IF that is really your attitude there is really little need to offer advice is there?

Just something for you to consider.

God Bless,

JL

For one he doesn't deserve her because of his past history of abuse and two yes he does love her very much but i don't believe that her living with him and his girlfriend and her two sons is the best thing for her. It's not a matter of "sticking it to him" as you stated...it's a matter of doing the best thing for OUR daughter.

And because I'm not working on my marriage I don't belong here?

Sounds to me like you have your own issues to deal with...

Me and my male anatomy (which, according to family law, makes me an unfit parent who would only want custody to save a few bucks) are just popping in to roll our eyes........there, all done.

Allurin - I know PA law. PM me.

V.

Amish - it is too bad you don't live where I do. Here, while not a law, it is pretty much the status quo to encourage couples to share custody. And also not to bug the judge with trivial crap. Heck - we got yelled at by the judge to go out in the hall and nail down an agreement.

V.

won't let me PM...i wonder why..you should be able to see my email address though on my posts...

and Amish...didn't your mother teach you that if you didn't have anything nice or productive to say to just keep it to yourself? I know my ex and I really have a gut feeling he's only doing it to save his money...no one was referring to you or any other male here...was just asking for suggestions...if you don't have a productive one then please don't bother.

Alluring