My boyfriend and I are both in the military. We met a year ago during a hardship tour. On our first date we both experience "love at first sight!"

And were even more pleased when we talked all night about our future hopes and dreams. We both fit the description of our dream husband and wife. Needless to say we have been seriously dating ever since.

I had to move back to the U.S. and he had to extend overseas for another 18 months due to job requirements. While we were together we both had busy schedules but, he notably worked more long hours than I did. I didnt really consider it a problem at the time because I was content spending every night together.

Right before I left I started to feel a little lonely because we were not able to spend enough quality time together in preparation for the extended separation. So I convinced him to take a five day vacation with me. He agreed to go but did not help me plan the trip and worked literally hours before we got on the plane.

We went on vacation, but he never seemed to fully relax and let go of work. He was always seemed preoccupied with work and even made calls back to the office. There were even times when he seemed to having nothing to talk about unless it was work related. We even got into an argument because he didn't like the activities I planned and I reminded him that he refused to take part of the planning process. His excuse was that he was too busy working. As I started contemplating break up with him, he finally professed his love for me. Rejuvenating my hope in a happy future together. I knew that I loved him months ago and I felt much better hearing him say that he loved me too.

However, increasingly more and more in our relationship he uses his work or the military in general as an excuse for his distance and his failure to meet my emotioal needs. Before I left we agreed that he would call me at a minimum once a week and talk for at least an hour. Also, to send email or letters to keep each other informed and connected. I expressed to him my need for an emotional connection, especially during our separation.

He agreed to the terms, however, has not kept his word. He barely calls or writes. His excuse is work. I remind him that I am in the military too but that if something is important to you, then must make time for it and prioritize. He thinks that I am too "needy" and will never be satisified.

When we returned from Hawaii we went to visit our families in the D.C. area. Previously we had planned to meet each others parents and spend as much time together as possible. After we arrive in D.C. I barely saw or heard from him. In fact, I had to drive over two hours round trip just to briefly meet his father. And he even conveniently got "food poisioning" the day he was supposed to have dinner with my parents. I was so hurt and angry that I was ready to break up with him. He complained that things were moving "too fast" and that he felt "out of control." I still dont understand that. We have been planning our future together from the first day we met and now he is upset?

We have been dating for six months now. The first three months we lived together. Everyday he would ask me if I was pregnant and talk about having lots of children. When I would tell him that I wasn't pregnant he would express disappointment. When I first moved away he even talked about getting married when he got back and talked about baby names for our future children.

However, the past two months have been terrible. He rarely calls, e-mails or writes. He said that he "wasn't sure if marriage or children is a good idea," and blames the sudden change on an increased workload. He claims that he still loves me and is not seeing anyone else. He says that he wants to maintain the relationship as long as I dont fuss at him for not calling, etc.

I still love him and am scheduled to visit in OCT. I was even contemplating having a baby to seal the deal on commitment. My mother thinks that he has cold feet and needs the extra push and that is why he wanted the baby to motivate him. He is very traditional in the roles of men and women in marriage and does not believe in divorce. We are both never married with not children. We are both Christians and want to have children within the commitment of marriage.

My questions are; Can my relationship survive his workaholic behavior? Will a baby help improve my relationship and promote marriage?

Will a baby save the relationship? single choice
	YES
	NO
Votes accepted starting: 08/03/05 11:29 PM
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"My questions are; Can my relationship survive his workaholic behavior? Will a baby help improve my relationship and promote marriage?"

Because my husband is a 'work-aholic,' and we have children together, I am going to say no. If you are having this kind of trouble with him now, I would not recommend taking it any further until you have either compromised and he actually sticks to it, or he figures out what he wants and sticks to that. Because it really sounds like he's confused and doesn't have a clue what he wants from you and most likely, out of life in general. And I don't mean to put him down but he sounds very naive by talking about marriage and children only months after meeting you.

A baby would only complicate matters and it would definitely make things a whole lot worse than they are now. Having a child to keep a relationship together is a contradiction because children strain even the strongest relationships. Please don't turn your life into a living ****** by having a child with a man who doesn't know what he wants. If you do, you will not be the only person paying for that mistake.

Best of luck!

Woah......... Erchhhhhhhh............ Stop.... No, no, no, no no.... A baby is not a tool to be used to seal anything. Heck it could even have the oppisite affect on his workaholic status because then he has to provide for a family. In my humble opinion, you should become happy dating, then become happily married, and THEN have a baby.


Well y'all ain't too traditional if you're even considering conceiving out of wedlock. But that statement about him being very traditional can also be your weekness and could leave you at home barefoot and pregnant while he is working, working, and working......

Before I left we agreed that he would call me at a minimum once a week and talk for at least an hour. Also, to send email or letters to keep each other informed and connected. I expressed to him my need for an emotional connection, especially during our separation.

---If he's not keeping up with the above, you might just ask him if he's serious about you at all. Another thing, if you want a child and a marriage that functions the way your relationship functions, then get married.

If things change within the relationship, then there's hope.

Still, if he's so distant and if you feel lonely, then he probably wouldn't be very hurt by a breakup. If you'd be more hurt than he would, you might be holding on to the concept of a loving relationship. The wonderful feeling of love at first sight might be warming your heart...but the actual person you have those feelings for...well, you might not have feelings for the person, those feelings might be attached to things like "security" "comfort" "love" "longing" or other emotional states...they might not be attached to him as a person.

Blessings,
D--