When I was going thru my divorce, I read a lot of posts here and my favorite ones were from those of you who have made it though and reflected on what happened in a positive light. I've been officially divorced since December. It was a tough process but a small part of me believed there was a reason for it to happen the way that it did. I know now that although I loved my wife very and "wanted" nothing more than to work it out, it wasn't meant to be. Since the beginning of our relationship, there was always that gnawing sense that things just didn't seem right between us. We were like brother and sister and although I thought that was what made our relationship special or unique, it wasn't what I wanted. I tried to make it so we viewed things the same in terms of our values about life. We just didn't. If anyone out there has ever felt that you work too hard at appeasing the other person, that's a good sign that you shouldn't be together. I'm so much more comfortable with who I am now that I'm not with her. It's almost as if I lost a part of me by trying to keep us together.

My life isn't perfect right now but that's what makes it so special and interesting. My ex-wife went along with the crowd because that's where she felt the most comfortable and that worked for her. For me, I don't need to fit in as long as I stand out.

I wish you all the message behind the serenity prayer which says: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Your feelings are common for those of us who fought (and lost) to save our marriages against a spouse who was not on board with the effort. I believe that when you begin to understand that your struggle to keep your marriage intact, to honor your vow, didn't result in the loss of a part of yourself, but rather was an ultimate expression of who you really are, you will know an even deeper serenity. It makes little difference that you failed as long as you gave your best effort to live your lfe in accordance with your values.

Coughlin, I understand what you mean.

Thanks Greengables and CheckUrHeart for your validations. Your right that it only proves the type of person I am that I gave it my all. I honestly never thought I would come this far and I feel like I'm finally at peace with myself. I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow or the next day after but I'm looking forward to whatever it is. This forum has been a friend to me throughout this whole process jsut to know that I'm not alone and that people have made it through, stronger and wiser.