If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes
you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the ending...compromise is two-way street!

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate him, a day to love him and an entire lifetime to forget him.

Unknown

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> [color:"red"] AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/color]

Thanks TBG for taking the time to remind us of these important statements.
I think the men can apply it to themselves also, just insert woman!

Karona

Ooo, good post.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
Nothing that is, except you.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Right. Try to change yourself for the better, regardless of the relationship.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
Exactly! And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.
It won’t “magically” get better. Stay and do everything possible to actually make it better!

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
And make sure none of these are males.

Never let a man know everything.
Unless you want to stay married.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
But do build him where & when he needs building. If he’s good at something, let him know. If he’s not, help him to get better at it.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
If he’s a pig. If you have a good man, he should always know where you are and that you are always readily available for him

Never co-sign for a man.
Unless you are married and want to have it last more than a year or two. If you are married, it’s okay to co-sign.

Mom? Is that you, mom? Thanks!

A great book on this subject is - What Smart Women Know....

Everytime I start to feel powerless against WH - I re-read the book..and it gives me strength - to keep my boundaries in tact..

Chris, I don't think the list applies to the married couple. I believe it is just for the dating. The rules are completely different when dating.

For example, if you have to turn yourself inside out to keep someone romantically interested in you, it's probably not a good idea. After all, you'll have to keep that up for the entire length of the relationship.

I would also say that when you are dating, even a good man doesn't need to know where you are 100% of the time. I'm not saying you need to lie, but a man who needs to know where you are 100% of the time when you are dating sounds to me like stalker material.

Definitely, GG.

I went out with a couple of guys way back who would both freak out if they called my home at a time when I would normally be there, and I wasn't. They wouldn't throw a snit or anything, but they would both come up with things like:

"I called you earlier, and you didn't answer."

Oh, I'm sorry I missed your call -- I wasn't home.

"I called and you weren't there."

Yes, I wasn't home.

"I thought you would be there, and I called and you weren't there."

That's right; I was out.

"Out doing what?"

Just boring errands. How was your day?

"I thought you would be there, and I called and you weren't there."

Yes, we've covered that. Is there a reason you keep repeating it?

"I thought you would be there, and you weren't. I didn't know where you were."

Yes...why is that a problem?

"...Because I didn't know where you were when I called!"

Ok, well, that's going to happen sometimes. I'm not going to call you and notify you every time I go grocery shopping.

"But I called because I thought you would be there and you weren't!"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. Yay for knowing better now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ROTFLMAO, MOS.

It's funny the way you wrote it, but I'd probably be really irritated if someone did that to me.

I think my Mom wrote this... LOL.. Good post!!!!

Okay, I'll buy that.

However; Perhaps I am misinterpreting this but are you suggesting you do not have to turn yourself inside out before the marriage but you should do it during the marriage?

I suggest that it depends on where you are at in the dating game with this individual.
If it's a new person and you are still "exploring" with them, then I agree.
But the more serious/long term it is, the more open you need to be.
After all, when playing the dating game (to find a potentila mate), isn't the purpose to find out who/how this person really is?

Oh, goodness. No. What I was trying to say was that if you force compatibility, if you have a hard time meeting each others needs early on, it's not going to get any easier once you're married. If I have to work out for 2 hours five times a day to meet my boyfriend's need for attractive spouse, and I really only like to work out one hour, three times a week, it's going to be a big, long, chore to do the 2 hours, five days a week for the rest of my life.

I think if it's only one aspect that you need to change, you probably can do it. But, when you have to change a whole lot about yourself, and would have to do it for the rest of your life, I don't think it's a good idea.

I guess my point is, if dating feels like work, marriage to that person is only going to feel like more work.

As to knowledge about where someone is, I think we should define what we're talking about. If I go away for the weekend, I think I should tell my boyfriend. If I go to the grocery store or mall, I don't see why I need to alert my boyfriend about that. If I take my kids to my mom's to swim, I don't see why my boyfriend needs to know unless it could affect our plans. If I rush a child to the hospital, I'd probably make a call to the boyfriend at some point.

I don't suppose you'd like to even hear your girlfriend's minute-to-minute day.

At 6:08 I got up.
By 6:43 I was in the shower.
From 7:59 until 8:28 I was driving along Route 66 to work.
I went into the office, stopped to get a cup of coffee. Ellen was there talking to Robert about the new project and they said it was behind schedule, and I said it was because we did have Bob from Accountemps.
By 8:35 I was at my desk, where I remained checking email until the coffee ran through my system and at 9:57 I got up to go to the ladies room. Boy, I had to go.
But Lorraine stopped me to ask me to email the Cadwalder file to her prior to the conference call. So even though I plan to be back at my desk by 10:00 to get your first phone call of the day, I didn't make it back until 10:01. Sorry.

Okay, I was exaggerating. I wasn't really trying to make a point because I know you don't need such obvious exaggeration to get a point, Chris. Mostly I was wasting time so I don't have to write the web page I need to have done in less than an hour. EEEKS Less than an hour.

PS: My "boyfriend" is imaginary.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"I'm sorry, I was at WORK... that place where it's actually inappropriate to receive personal phone calls unless it is an emergency."

"I'm sorry, I was in the BATHROOM and I was not exactly able to jump up and run to get the phone. Since you didn't leave a message, I had no idea it was you."

etc.

I do think that the rules are different when dating. You absolutely should NOT have to turn yourself inside out to try to keep someone romantically interested (I agree 100% that if it's that much of a struggle during the extra high romance period of dating, even seriously, it's gonna be h*ll after you're married). Y'know, if more of us were comfortable with being alone, we'd probably waste less time pursuing relationships for the sake of having them and be able to spend more quality time pursuing life. And there would be LESS of a likelihood that we'd marry someone with whom we had to struggle to remain compatible.

And, actually if my co-signature on a loan is going to make or break my marriage, then I'm sorry - it's going to break. I think that kind of situation adds unnecessary stress and tension to a marriage... it did to mine. Financial stress does the most damage to marriages next to infidelity.