I really want to let go of the pain! It’s been 40 plus days and hurts as bad as the first week. I’m afraid my feelings are going to hurt my relationship with my W.

So, I thought if a WS can compartmentalize their actions, why can’t the FS, to eliminate the pain?

My problem is how would I do that short of being brain washed?

HLR,

Gotta ask this question again... are you going to IC? You have some feelings that need to be tended to by a professional who could sit with you and get a chance to look at the real you.

We can assist and provide support, but we can't tell you how to find the miracle of forgetting. The pain you have is another way of telling you that what you had is still worth working for. If the pain goes away then so does the hope.

Remain strong. There are many who have gone through ****** and back and still never gave up.

See a doctor and get some A-Ds. It can help.

It doesn't matter if you can compartmentalize or not, you have to deal with everything.

If you are still the quivering pathetic mess I was in the first week after d-day you should get yourself some psych help right now. A-d's and counselling.

Your dysfuction is counterproductive right now. You do not have the luxury of a breakdown.

It feels like only you in the world evr felt as bad as you do right now.

in truth almost all BS feel like that, but it gets better.

Three weeks in, out of my head on pills, wine and grief i drove my sportcar deliberately into a tree very quickly.

I was disappointed to walk away from it then. I'm pretty glad I did now ! I would hve missed the manifest blessings God has given and has yet to deliver me.

See your doc for A-Ds and maybe IC. et yourself on a even keel and set to work on being the man your W needs you to be through this.

HL...

I am writing this to let you know how normal you are and to share my experiences as well.

I found out about my W's affair almost 7 months AFTER we divorced! Her affair was over 4.5 years by that point. I was still crushed beyond my wildest dreams. I am a pretty big guy myself. A big machismo guy of Sicilian descent. I lost 75 pounds! I was not eating or sleeping. I went to IC 3x a week!! D-day (to me ) was not then, it was she confirmed it during our attempt to reconcile. It has been over a year since D-day...almost 1.5 since I really first heard of it and it STILL HURTS. Her betrayal of me was complete, she threw me out in the garbage (via the courts), took my house, my children and my money. Then to find out that my 5 years of ****** previous to that was due to a long ended affair just put me over the top. I did not want to be here...or anywhere...it was really...really bad. IC helped me big time and I am quite unashamed of that. Without it I believe that I would be dead right now...

However, I still loved her. What I did after that mess was "go dark"...sort of a plan B. Would not see her or talk to her except about my boys. My IC strongly recommended it. After time she saw me for what I was, not the man I WAS. It takes time my friend a lot of it. I struggle with this every damn day. However, my struggle is not alone. She struggles and finally had to "face the music" for her own actions. She is harder on herself than I am.

HL..this will take time. I will tell you that we're in a much better place now than we EVER were and we were married for 15 years, dated for 3!!

Good luck HL...