WH and I separated for a month and he returned on July 16. (I already know he came back too soon) While he was gone, we were intimate two times, and both of those times he was really into it, more than he has been in a long time. Each time he saw me, he was complimenting me on my appearance. If I said my feet hurt, he would massage them. All things he hasn't done in forever. However, he also says that he really didn't miss me while he was gone (and staying with his parents). At the point of those two encounters, he still didn't tell the OW goodbye. He has since told her he is coming back to the marriage (2 days before he came home), then he came home and the first day he was dispalying affection and wanting to be there, but now he is miserable from the loss of her. It is 3 weeks today that he told to her. My questions, would his actions more correctly reflect how he feels about me and are his words all fogtalk? Now that he is back, he says he can't do those actions in an intimate way. Also, I know it is up to him to make a decision, but is Plan A the best way to go about getting that decision to go my way?

2dogmom, plan A is all about changing you and changing your part of the problems in the M. It is not about changing him. It sounds like your WH is in withdrawl, keep plan A and don't expect him to meet your needs at this point.

2DOG:

Why are you saying he came back too soon? His being there is a good thing, giving you opportunity for PLAN A.

It is important though for you to communicate your desire for him to do NC with the OW and for this to be assured with a NC letter. Do you know about the NC letter and what it needs to include?

He verbally told her, before I knew about a NC letter being needed, so at this point I don't want him to be in contact at all. She had sent one letter after their talk sank in saying she will respect his wishes and will not contact him again but will be waiting for him. I don't remember the exact words she used but I do have the letter at home.

I say he came back too soon because his actions said one thing while he was gone, and now he is back in the same miserable mood he was in before he left. I think being away long would have helped him deal with the withdrawal without being miserable around me and my kids. Does that make sense?

A NC LETTER is still essential. Work on it together and send it together.

It will be important information for you if he refuses to do this.