Good Morn,
Can I rely on you a bit to help me for the next few months? I think we have really started the recovery process and I need to proceed correctly. Wish I would have found you all some time ago.I really could use a shoulder to lean on for a bit. Life is changing dramatically and it will be a whirlwind for some time.
I respect you all greatly! I know you have been through the trenches and can help me here. I will post to you daily. I need to come out of this whole!

You need to come out of this hole whole!

Just ask questions ... and the answers will arrive ... one way or another!

Karl the folks on here and my faith in God were all I had for months. And it was all I needed.

I suspect you'll find the support you need here.

I'll do what I can , natch.

DO YOU AND HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE ENABLERS IN THIS WHOLE SORDID MESS?
Is there a time when they will eventually put the "friends" that helped them enable the affair behind them? When they call it is almost as if the OM is calling. I have heard her talking to one of them at one time and her "friend" say guess who called me today? I wanted to reach through the phone and choke the life out of her!
Of course my wife asked me what was wrong. What's wrong! How dare that **** bring that piece of **** back into my home!
Will she ever see these are really not friends but a couple 0f toxic ticks. One of her enablers is a cheater herself. Moved in with the OM and now can't understand why he is not the man she thought. Why he doesn't want to spend time with her. Met the guy once. Thought I was shaking hands with a corpse.
Any of you have to deaL with removing these parasites from your lives?

Not so much. This 'sharing' about the A is mostly a 'girl' thing I suspect.

When I asked Mr. Pep "Who knew about this while it was going on?" ... Turns out it was only one guy.

This was a film-guy-co-worker ... who not only knew about the A but encouraged him ... "Go ahead. Everyone does this. Grab some extra while you can. She will never find out. {his wife} has never found out about my extracurricular activities.".. snicker/snicker/wink/wink

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I did not POJA this problem with Mr. Pep ... (pre-MB forum ... 10 years ago) ... I submitted an ultimatum... "Get rid of this friend or go live with him."

Friend lives in Japan by the way .... would have been a long commute.

But ... with women ... this girlfriend issue is MUCH stickier ..... and I think you may want to wait for things to settle down before you approach this. Get your wife's feet back on solid tierra-firma-reality ... she's maybe not quite ready for this important discussion.

Time is on your side here.

Can I ever really expect a sincere, heartfelt "I'm sorry".
Or should I be relegated to the thought that the only sorry is the fact that she was caught. I am so afraid that this will eat at me for the rest of my life. And I assure you that pain will bring me to a sooner death than natural.
My heart aches so to hear those words!
Never in my entire life has the fear of the unknown gripped me like these nasty little affairs have!
If it did not have any effect on other lives, I'd have put a gun in my mouth long ago.
I thank God everyday for this site. I belive I would not have made it without you all.
My love and God's blessings to you all!

Just hang tight, BKarl, as she moves farther away from her dirty deed, her defensiveness will decline and some sanity will seep in. Remorse will come eventually, unless she is a psychopath. Just don't accuse or demand remorse, that will move her further away from self honesty and remorse.

You aren't going to get much from her for the first few months, I hate to say. But it likely will come as long as you don't lovebust her and do your best to meet her needs.

I will tell you from a personal standpoint, that in the first year after D-Day with my H, he was not very remorseful and was somewhat standoffish. Well, now he tells me often "I love you sooo much," calls me 10X a day, and searchs the grocery stores for fresh brussel sprouts for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So please know that there is hope. This will be a rough year for you, I won't lie to you about that, but the pain will eventually be gone and you may end up with a better marriage than before.

Can I ever really expect a sincere, heartfelt "I'm sorry".

BK

FWS are all different. Some of my FWS friend son here were very contrite soon after d-day.

My dear Squid was haughty and unrepentant for many months however.

I busted her affair at the height of its passion and 'meaning' for Squid and OM.

Squid gradually behaved more and more contritely over the montsh until LAST month Squid broke down and delivered me a heartfelt and terul apology. In Nando's ( cough!) but it was an important milestone for me and Squid.

SO in summary it took Squid almost a year to verbalise her apology in a way that met my needs, but she had been behaving contritely for months before then.

I'm with Mel, once your wifes decency returns fully, you will see her mettle by her contrition and willingness to work on recovery.

To forgive is of God. Only God can raise your love to a new level of forgiveness. You should ask God not your wife to help you. You are too focused on her saying "I'm Sorry." Get focused on God the true love-giver. Not on your wife. I will pray for you. God can help and He alone.

I will ever praise the Father above for it is only by Him that all our blessings flow. This sounds trite and easy to
say. The hard part is living it.

The fear and pain has subsided quite a bit, but it is always there waiting to remind me with every little trigger. I was really hoping after 8 months from DDay I would feel much better than this.
Did you ever feel you were doing all the work and that you were getting to the point of implosion?
I don't doubt for a minute that she loves me. Maybe that is what I just need to hang onto for now!

BKarl, the 8 month mark was the absolute WORST time of my recovery, it was the climax of my anger. It was when the relief of saving my marriage wore off and my fury came to the forefront. It was when I started telling myself I was a "chump" for settling for damaged goods. This seems to be a very critical point in the recovery of many, but it is a normal part of the grieving process. After that short phase, it got easier and easier with each day. So, just hang tight, this will blow over.