"Putting what you want ahead of what someone else wants will "hurt" that someone else if they want something you don't want."

Oh, no, no ,no. This isn't true at all and this is what negotiation is all about. If getting what you want only costs you, then your need comes first. In a relationship you work these things out. If you don't and you ignore your own needs just so you don't hurt others, then you become a doormat and resentment builds quickly. If negotiation isn't possible, you are with the wrong person.

What you say is true, but, I am in Freeloader mode right now. I don't know any of these women well enough to make the commitment to become a renter.

That's been part of my problem in the past. I skip being a freeloader and jump right into becoming a renter (actually a renter willing to completely remodel)

If she really likes me and wants me to be exclusive to her when I'm not ready (or don't want) to make that commitment, I don't see how you can negotiate around that.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hate hijacking someone else's thread, so I moved this over here... and... since you asked... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Two second dates and one first lunch date this weekend.

Still learning a lot about myself and about things in general. Definately learned this weekend that it is possible to be too upfront and too honest. Dating someone who analyzes as much as I do can be challenging.

The first lunch date went better than I was hoping. I was kind of hoping that she'd be weird or too socially awkward, but I couldn't be so lucky. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The phone calls are another big challenge. Not that I don't like talking to them, rather, it hard getting other stuff done.

No fan club website just yet, but I have been kicking around a website idea I had several years ago. "Date Ideas" where you can get a handle on all the date friendly events/locals in your area to get past the 'dinner and a movie' rut. Never figured out how to make money at it, but might be nice to build to save time being "creative". Maybe I'll just blog it and then people can put in their reviews/comments.

Dunno if you can "make money" exactly, but you probably could at least break even with business sponsorships/ads. I'll bet lots of local businesses would be interested in listing their activities or placing ads for their 'date friendly' businesses. What do you think?

CS

Question.....Here is my problem with this...

I have my daughter every other weekend home with me..so with that said...I have 2 weekends a month where I can go out and "date". I have 3 guys that I'm presently just "talking" to...how am I suppose to do make time for all of them when it comes time to actually start spending in person time with them? I can't/won't do it during the week as my kids live with me.

I actually pursued the idea as part of a bigger business plan of a Speed Dating/Introduction service hybrid. I really had a hard time getting business owners to buy into the idea. And ultimately decided to scrap the whole thing because it was just taking too much time away from my kids.

It may be one of those things you have to give away for free until people start seeing the value in it.

The biggest problem I have right now is finding time to put it together.

This must be especially hard on those with young children. OK, so you have two weekends per month. What about during the week? Isn't there an evening each week when you can have dinner or some other activity that doesn't keep you our too late? You point up one of the biggest problems with dating multiple people at once. Most adults don't have the time to devote to trying to get to know three people at once. I know I sure don't.

Yeah, the logistics is starting to really become a problem for me too.

My kids live with me too (DD14, DS10) and sometimes they'll be gone every weekend in the month, other times I'll have them with me every weekend in a month.

Personally, I don't have a problem with going out one night a weekend when the kids are with me. My daughter is old enough, so I don't need a babysitter anymore. But, one night is all that I'm willing to give up with my kids.

On the weekends they aren't with me, I figure I have two nights to work with and maybe a short period of time either on Saturday or Sunday (or both) for a shorter 'date' during the day. Four dates in a weekend would make for a full weekend and might not be so much fun anymore.

Obviously, I'm not going to be able to date all of them on a weekly basis. Is that a bad thing? Probably not.

So, my answer to your question is... prioritize. Spend more time with the one(s) you have more fun with. And, let them know you can't see them on a weekly basis.

and yes...

I am one of those annoying over achievers who you can't help but like and hate at the same time...

My 14 year old son COULD watch my 8 year old daughter but I just don't know if I have it in me to juggle that many at once. As nice as it sounds in theory..when it comes down to it...that's a lot of work! LOL And what happens if you should invite one of them home and then another one of them calls?? Do you just not answer? Do you lie? UGH!!!!! LOL

LOL... work? Hmmmm... tonights agenda.... Get home from work, grill steaks for dinner, wash dishes, sand and spackle the drywall in my daughters room, spend three hours on the telephone with three different women, set up two dates for Friday night (is that tacky?), answer two emails, drop by MB for a late night post...

Am I bragging? No I think its hillarious, because I know how many hours I've vegged out in front of the TV. I know how many weekends I've watched movie after movie, only getting up to go to the bathroom or get something to eat. I am the consumate couch potato, and this is kind of strange for me.

I don't know, should I be getting worried?


Actually, this happened to me when I was on my golf date on Saturday, twice. She was very polite, told them that she would call them back and got back to the date with me. I know she's dating other men, she knows I'm dating other women. No need to lie.

Come to think about it, it happened before too with another lady. I had called her on her cell when she was on a date (I didn't know at the time) and she just let it go to voicemail. Not a problem. She got back to me later.

HOLY COW!!!!

hmm tacky?? no ...

ballsy? YES...LOL let me know how that plays out...

oh and i can see setting your cell to just go to voice mail or whatever...but what about the house phone?? and god forbid if they leave a message if you just don't answer...ya know???

Yeah, listening to another guy leaving a message might be a bit much while on a date. A bit of a mood killer. I'd suggest always answering the telephone at home and then tell him that you'll call him back another time.

BUT, I always think that calling on a traditional date night to be somewhat bad form anyway. You really don't want to advertise the fact that you don't have a date for the night, do you? Plus, you're assuming she doesn't have a date either?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Kind of awkward answering the phone when your horrible at acting like it's just your girlfriend or mother calling...AND then on the other side of it...that there is no one at your house but you. Don't want to burn bridges ya know?


uh oh...it's bad for people to know I'm dateless?

Oh boy..I think I better just stay under my rock...LOL I can tell already I'm not going to be good at this multi-dating thing...I'll start searching for my white flag now to surrender to being single...LOL I'll have to live vicariously through your escapes....LOL!!!!!!!

Why try to hide it? Letting both of them know that there is some competition is a good thing. You're in demand. Not that you're rubbing it in thier face, be polite, make it quick, keep your focus on the person you're with.

If the person I'm seeing isn't mature enough to handle a quick call from another person I'm seeing, then I guess I don't mind burning that bridge. The whole point of seeing many people is to give yourself options. If they're going to be a jerk about it (or anything else, for that matter), its time to hit the eject button. There are many other guys who will recognize your value and treat you better.

One lady I'm seeing, typically goes for the "bad boys" and in the past has gotten bored with "nice guys". She's admitted to 'subconsciously' pushing the nice guys around to see how much crap they put up with. I told her up front, that's fine, treat me like crap if you want to, cause I have other women who are happy to spend time with me.

Dating multiples is about learning not to settle.

*sigh* After 2 dates with M, I set up a date with R. I told M about it, he acted OK with it. Then I got an e-mail saying he was not OK with it, and he would let me go. I wrote back a huge e-mail explaining my perspective, like things we talk about here on MB, and how I liked him but I wasn't ready to commit to him exclusively, etc. He seemed OK with it, and we decided to proceed. He changed his mind again and called it quits. He really like me and didn't want to wait while I dated others.

Like you say, TBG, if they can't understand it or accept it (dating others), I don't think we will see eye to eye on other issues later on in the relationship either. Perhaps we had dates #1 and #2 too quickly, but it was a weekend, and we both had freetime. I think he's the type that falls too quickly. Not me.

I'm enjoying this thread, by the way. Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That makes sense....I guess I'm just the type of person who feels guilty. Why should I feel guilty?? I'm not sure honestly...hmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

By the way TBG nice profile on Match...LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We need men like you in Pennsylvania...care to export?? LOL
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Well original poster, you don't want to know my advise. When I started dating I dated only one person and dated her 24 hours a day 7 days a week after only 5 days.