All my WH whole rants have been "you hurt me for so long and because of this I'm doing X, Y, Z" which includes talking to OW, telling me he doesn't have time to pay the bills because he has to work so hard so too bad if we lose everything, refusing to give me $ for counseling even for myself, leaving and not coming home until 4:15am, and bitching because I don't want to be left behind on a boat trip in Kauai....

If I gave in and said, OK you're right go ahead and be cruel to me....I might as well die because I'd be worse off than before, I don't want to go back to being that person who rolls over so I can get kicked.

and Now, when I object to be treated with disrespect, he accuses me of being controlling. All along when I was trying to please, I was hurting myself because I was enabling him to take advantage...

So, now the tides are turning and I feel I have lost my reality while moving onto healthier boundaries, and I bet he has lost his platform for being a jerk because I cleaned up my act. The A is really not even a big deal compared with this at all. Because now we're going from me allowing self abuse to him being outright controlling and emotionally abusive. Subtly, but still abusive all the same.

Its such a hard line to walk. I have a counseling appt. on Monday. I'm pretty close to sending him out the door because I can't take it and I shouldn't have to.