So, my husband of three months now and I are happily married..But before he moved into the apartment we now both live in,he lived in a two bedroom apt in the same complex with his older brother.Before he moved in with his brother, his brother payed the deposit for the apartment.Any ways to make a long story short,the landlord lady thought that both him and his bro paid half of the deposit, so she used the money that his bro was supposed to get back for the deposit for us.Hence us owing him like $325.00.Now, as you all know from experience, it is SO HARD to get by when you first get married.His brother has contacted us like 3 times asking for the money for his courses,and I understand that.What I dont understand is him asking it after only 3 months of marriage for us,and we now owe like a $800 car payment this month b/c we got no statement from last month.His brother lives currently with his best friend and his best friends wife and baby,pays no rent, has absolutely NO other bills except for car payment and insurance, which he told my hubby wasd like $400 for both a month.This man makes probably $3000/mo,and is single,and has declared bankruptcy,so has no other bills,etc...I guess I'm angry b/c his brother has the guts to ask us for the dough that we're struggling to make.We've had two arguments over this now,and i dont know what to do,or if im in the wrong or right.He just says,God will provide.I know He will, but we also have to use common sense.From what I've figured, we're in the hole at least $300.00.He said he's gonna pay his brother back this weekend $125.00,when he still hasn't paid my health insurance for this month,which is $170...I know I'm supposed to be a godly wife and leave this stuff to the men, but right now, I dont know what to do,so i've kept my mouth shut for the most part.Not keeping my mouth shut ends up in him calling me the "most cold-hearted and selfish person I've met in a long time" and me saying he's a 'jerk'...Ouch..I told him right before he went to his Bible class that when he said that it offended me,and that I wanted to talk about it later, but he just blew me off,and sped off to class...Am I wrong to feel angry and hurt right now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I think I'd feel pretty hurt too. This isn't an example of good communication.

On the other hand, you're dealing with family (the brother in law), and that puts your H in an awkward spot.

As to how specifically to address it, it would seem that the most reasonable option is to just set up a payment plan with the brother. 50 a month or something, and just tell him that's what you guys can afford to do.

In a way tho, the whole 800 for the car is kind of bogus, unless I miss something, because you know you have the car payment even if the bill doesn't show...

However, I'm more concerned with the pattern (namecalling, invalidating of your feelings), because *that's* the kind of stuff that's going to have you guys back here in a few years wondering how to rescue your relationship.

I'd encourage you to seek some counseling (perhaps through your church), and try to nip this in the bud.

The Boundaries book would be good (from townsende), and your H should probably spend a bit of time in Ephesians 5, and try to reconcile his behavior with Paul's description of marriage.