I have been hiding for a while, trying to work through some of our problems. My history: W is having an A with a co-worker. She has been through all the classic symptoms. I have read all the books and everytime I try an MB principle, she gets madder and nastier and her %$# Lawyer gets another 1500 of my dollars. So..
I have been doing it all wrong. The nicer I am to her, the closer we have become. We have recently even shared the same bed a few times which even led to SF once. (IN 3 MONTHS) She is moving out to an apartment and I am helping her with the move. If I hadn't, the D would already be filed. It is now on "hold" with her %$# lawyer.
Here is where I need advice. I hope you will help since I have not been able to use all the correct procedures. I have accused her of wanting to be on her own to have more time with OM, but she insists that she only wants to be alone to sort things out. I know...babble.

She is now tormented and terribly depressed by the whole A. She has appologized to me and said how sorry she is that this thing has gotten so out of hand. She feels like now she will ruin someone's life either way she makes her decision. I am in the miserable position of her deciding between me and the OM. The OM is in the process of getting his D because of his affection for my W (PUKE!). How do I convince my W that she has no obligation to this jerk who ruined his M by messing with a married woman? Of course my W probably is still in love (or lust) with the OM and doesn't want to break it off. She refuses to discuss her A or the OM with me. I am finally getting more of her time than he is and as far as I can tell the A seems to be dwindling. I want to spend as much time with her as I can so they can't be together.

I have suggested that she needs to get into an IC and get some proffesional help. She agreed, but has taken no action. I will try to get a few names of IC's in our area and suggest them to her. Is this a good direction? Do I need to impliment a full plan B since she is moving out? Can I stay with plan A and try to out charm the OM? Is it hopeless? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.