WE REFER TO EACH OTHER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS, SHE MET A GUY AT THE GYM AND GAVE HIM HER PHONE NUMBER, SINCE UNTILL I FOUND OUT SHE HAS BEEN CALLING AND TEXT MESSAGING HIM 5-6 TIMES A DAY, SHE ADMITS SHE LOVES EVERYTHING SHE HAS, AND THAT SHE HAS A PROBLEM, SHE CANNOT TELL ME SHE WOULD NEVER DO THIS AGAIN, THEREFORE I CANNOT FORGIVE HER UNTILL SHE DOES, SHE KNOWS IT WOULDENT MMATTER IF SHE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE SHE WOULD DO IT AGAIN, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN AS THIS IS HOW I MET HER WHEN SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED AND DID THE SAME THING, SHE CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY, SHE WANTS TO GET COUNCELING AND TRY TO FIX WHAT WE HAVE, SHE JUST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE CAN BE IN TOTAL LOVE WITH ME AND DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, WE BOTH KNOW IT FEELS GOOD WHEN SOMEONE LIKES YOU, BUT IT IS HOW YOU HANDLE IT, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP HER OR IS MY RELATIONSHIP GOING TO END UP GONE

There is a saying around here: If she'll do it with you...she'll do it to you.
You have now experienced this.

What goes around comes around.

It sounds like you have a real problem. I know it must be painful for you.

I hope you two don't have kids.

If you do then it is worth a shot to try and fix this.

Is she seeing and individual counselor (IC)?

That would be the first step.

You can call and make an appointment for phone counselling with with Steve Harley or Jennifer Chalmers.

It sounds like this is a character and morality issue with her and not missing EN's. She may be addicted to falling in love...there are groups like Sex and Love Annonymous (SAA) in many cities.

It may help to read 'Surviving an Affair', by Dr. Willard Harley. 'Love Must be Tough', By Dr. James Dobson is very helpful too. 'Torn Assunder', by Dave Carder.

His Needs Her Needs is good for learning each other's emotional needs. Definitely read the concepts and articles on the main part of this website.

Please don't use all Caps when you post and space your paragraphs for easier reading.

Has she expressed an interest in an open marriage or is she holding with a double standard...like what she is doing isn't okay if you do it?

as this has just came out 3 days ago, we have been doing alot of talking, she admits she has a problem and needs ic, she has always expressed that if i ever did anything she would leave me,she is completely amaised that i came home and havent left her, we do have 2 kids at home one hers 14 one mine 16, we also have new grandkids, she has said it might be due to her always being with someone and never being alone to experience life without being in a relationship, but now she says that just would not want to do that now, she is a very kind and loving person, we always kiss and tell each other we love the other, we are very close and always have been, this is why i just dont understand, how can someone love everything they have and still seek attention with someone else

Since you refer to each other as husband and wife, why wasn't it ever made official?
Was there ever any agreement between you about not seeing anyone else?
Or was this simply "assumed" by you?

You should read the links below but keep in mind, getting married assumes some sense/obligation of committment.

Was she ever sexually abused or was she neglected as a child?
Sometimes it seems those kinds of experiences can effect later choices and behaviors.

Dr. Harley has another book called 'Buyer's Renter's Freeloaders' which may help shed some like on your relationship and lack of commitment on both of your parts. Why haven't you married in these 8 yrs? Maybe there is a commitment phobia or a desire to have an open door policy. I am guessing you don't have a point of joint agreement (POJA) on your living situation and just what is expected.

I don't think your example is good modeling of moral behavior for your respective children. JMHO. Food for thought anyway.

Even still, I understand that this is painful.
I do believe that she can change this behavior if she chooses to do the difficult work. If not, then you have to decide whether this is something you want to continue to live with. You can only change yourself.

You can initially attempt to implement Plan A and then Plan B.
Read more about what they are on the links that Chris provided above as well as the main part of this web site.