I've been posting here for about a month now and got great information from many people and also alot of information from this website thats helping me out alot. But for the past couple of days I've been really down and I dont know why. Before my H left for Iraq my brother passed away and I was 5 months pregnant at the time and I was very upset and hurting over my brothers death but I didnt wanna get extremely upset about it bc i was pregnant and I didnt want to put stress on my self or my unborn child. Now my H had an A almost 2 months ago and I have just been so down lately. I have been feeling really good about things and about myself i still do but I just sit and find myself crying. I dont know if its because of My brothers death and I havent fully had a time of mourning or if its because of my H's A. I went up to see my brother's grave yesterday and I felt so much better, its like he was calling me to come and see him, just to make sure that i was doing alright. When i got up there, there was a family friend and he talked to me. Maybe its bc of my brothers death im feeling this way but having an H that just had an A and him being deployed and having 2 children i think the stress it finally starting to take a toll of me. I havent talked to a chaplain in a while for my next appt is next Friday. I just am lost and I dont know why im feeling this way...Could it be everything that has happened in 7 months time just finally taking a toll on me?

YES ronaile

there is so much you have had to got through, dont you think you had a bit to deal with? I certainly do.

I have a new baby, a soldier H who looks like he's going to do his 5th deployment and trying to fight for my M which I put at risk..so I know you are at the end of your tether.

ronaile you need to see your doctor and get some anti D medication if you need it, dont just think it will all go away..it may get worse untreated and us mums need to be on the ball ..lol

I am sure part of it is grieving for your brother, thats natual, but you also are coping with some serious issues as well AND a new child. ou've been doing very well so keep on top of it ronaile & if you feel yourself getting down to much pls go see your doc.

All the best & hope your H comes homes soon safe & sound as I'm sure he will.

Aussiewife:

I dont doubt for a minute that its alot to deal with. I was handleing it all so well until its like everything hit me at once like i was going into a brick wall. I am trying to stay so strong for my kids. My D doesnt understand what is going on she is only 2 months old but my son who is 3 1/2 can def. sense when something is wrong with his mommy. Its funny how he can tell when something is wrong.
When i get back home this wed. i will DEF. make an appt. with the doctor so i can be seen. Just having somebody to talk to is also another thing that I need. I know i can do this, its another 4 months seems like a long time but its better then being at the beginning of 12 months again. Im sure i will be alright, i just dont know if it was just me or if everything has started to hit me all at once. I didnt know my brother that well (which wasnt my fault) and it makes it even tougher on me to deal with his death. Maybe i should even talk to my mom bc she doesnt know how upset I have been lately. Not only dealing my H's A but with everything at once, i know im a strong woman and i can do this I just think its time to admit that I need help.

hello ronaile

its 3.00am here and I'm up feeding my Mike about every 2 hours right now..... talk about hungry

I think talking to your mum will be ideal if you can, just having family to confide in is so important for me.
And go see that doc.
I had AD's for a while and they helped immensely, nothing strong but they just got me up from that dark spot.
My other kids are all grown now, my son joins the Military Academny in Jan, my 19 yr old DD just flew over to the Eastern states to be with her fiance who looks like going to Iraq very soon. The poor girl swore she would never fall in love with a soldier being a Uni student and very anti war as well as seeing her dad hurt a few times, but I guess God had other plans.
Now dont ever be afraid to ask for help, I learnt the hard way and it nearly cost me my M. When I should have asked for help I didn't, just let it all hide away until it jumped out & bit me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I think being M to soldiers you tend to keep the important little things, sometimes big things away from your H, especially after a deployment and then it seems to be easier to ignore it & let things go - conflict avoidence in a way - but for all the right reasons at first. Long term it will come back to hur the R.

Another thing you should consider seriously is Individual counselling and Marriage Counselling ...though I don know about you H but mine refuses to use the Army, we had to go private outside the military. But its worked so well for me.

A good professional in this area is a God send. Though I was a bit freaky about seeing one at first ...we dont do that in Australia only 'sick' people . what a silly line that is. I have learnt so much & it helps s lot.

well rocked the little bligher back to sleep, [one finger typing is a pain] got a romantic H waiting for me - lol - so have a good day & see you later..

AW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aussiewife:

Thanks again for writing back to me. I will try and talk to my ASAP, just so much is going on. Packing my things up to move my kids and I back to our house in Gerogia. I cant wait to get down there, I know i can do this just with a little bit of help. I do intend to get myself into IC for my M and dealing with my brother. My H has said yes to MC but I dont know if he wants to use the army or not. He is like your H he probably doesnt want anyone to find out, but I do know his superiors know about it. I just want to talk to somebody , I know i need it. I've never thought I would need anti-depressants but if it will help me then I know i better use what will help me.
I hope your baby is doing well. My D sleeps mainly through the night, i got lucky. She sleeps about 8hrs during the night and then is up for about a hr then takes another nap. I have been truly blessed with a great child. Actually two great children. Tell your daughter i wish her the best, i never thought myself that my bf who now is my H would go into the army, i support him in whatever decision he makes, he is talking about re-enlisting but he changes his mind so much on army issues its not even funny. Thanks again, its nice talking to you! Please write again when that baby of yours lets you! I can totally relate! Take care and God Bless

Hi Ronaile - (just type AW Rony its shorter!)

when do you have to actually move back home to Georgia?
How are you doing today? Any news from your H?

Getting home to a comfortable place is a good thing to do. We have finally settled back in our home city after years of moving around. Just being able to jump in a car or walk for that matter sround to Mum's is so good. The phone just does not do it.

You trade off things I guess, risky service job to remain in this place. My dark selfish place wants him to retire and do anything else, dig ditches anything, to be safe, but I married a warrior in spirit & soul. I know we say we accept their jobs but I dont think we do really, we put up with it because it has to be done. No real cause to squeal we chose the life to I suppose.
He was always a soldier since I met him. But of course there wasn't any war either.

I am so envious of your baby sleeping like that..mine is so big he wants food food food ...feel like a milk cow at times ..lol

I can tell you that after all these years with older kids its not that easy to go back to babies..lol But a gift from God is nothing to sneeze at is it ..lol

And so much has changed too.. a lot is samo samo but the docs know more, child health centres, on & on .. like Back to the Future !!!

Well guess who has woken up for his 3rd feed this afternoon!!
Better get back to him, the washing, the hanging, the ironing... so much for SAHM's sitting down watching soapies all day..I WISH!!!

Hugs

AW

AW,

Hello, Hope all is well on your end. I am feeling better then i did when in posted. I still am not myself. Usually im cheery and a very upbeat person. I wrote my H an email to let him know what was going on with me and I know he has checked his mail bc i have access to it. Maybe he just doesnt know what to say to me right now. I havent heard from him by email in about 3 days. I havent even been able to talk to him on the phone since i found all this out. It'll be about 2 months since i actually got to talk to him. I bought a phone card and gave him the numbers on it so hopefully he gets a chance to call. I am leaving for Georgia in 4 days. My family seems to think its a bad idea but I know once i get into my home i will be alot more of a happy person, i can just see it. I am going to be able to get consueling through the military which is alot better then going where I am now. I just cant wait until he is home, its going by fast and i just cant wait til he is on the other side and i get to hug him. I keep dreaming of that day.
I know how that lil boy of yours can seem like such a piggy sometimes. My daughter was like that until i started putting cereal into her formula. Not much just enough to fill her little tummy! Take care and hope to hear from ya soon. Have fun doing that glorious house work...I think thats the only thing i dont wanna do when he comes back home LOL Take Care, Ronaile

Ronaile-

How old is your baby??? You may be going through post partum depression, which can be pretty serious. I'm not discounting the other things that are going on that could cause depression all on their own, but regardless AD's would be a good idea.

-Caren

Caren:
She is 2 months old, i dont know how long post partum depression can last but i found out about my H's A when my D was 24 days old. I am going to a doctor as soon as i get back home.

AW:
How bout this? I got up this morning and my mom told me my phone had a new voice mail, here is my was H it was the first time i heard his voice in almost 2 months and i missed the darn call! I feel horrible! I've been just wanting to talk to him for even a minute, but he called at 3am our time and over in Iraq it was 11am. Still, i always have my phone w/ me but it was charging, at least i got to save his voicemail and i have listened to his voice and i feel so much better! Still i dont feel like myself tho. Take care! Keep in touch

It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with over the last year. Sometimes, we toughen up, and just do what we have to do to get through things. But later on, the depression starts.

So take care of that first. Then you will be sure to make good decisions. In the meantime, keep posting here. It really helps, and we will support you. I promise you that things do get better.

No question that this has been a rough year, probably the worse in my life. I am just handeling one day at a time and it gets easier and easier for me. There is alot of more extra added on stress with my brother passing away which will be 7 months tomorrow. My H being away when i need him the most but i got a great support system right now and they have been totally awesome. I've met great people on here and its just so nice to know that your not alone. This is a place where i can come and tell people how i feel and not really worried about being judged. I've been judged by taking him back, people call me stupid why would you want to do that, bc if i dont give him another chance then i'll never really know if he truly changed. Its just been such a rough year and getting back to my own house in my own familiar settings i will get into a better recovery. I just cant wait til he is home and i can see him face to face and he can see truly how bad he hurt me. I love my H still w/ everything i have to give, that'll never change. Hes a great person and has done so much to change already and making me happier. So right now consueling is my best bet until he gets home. I cant wait til i can go and sit in that office and talk to somebody and get all my anger, frustration and i know i'll cry and maybe thats what i need a good crying. I havent done that in a while. I need to, i know i do i can feel it coming and its right around the cornor