I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with my feelings about telling people my xw and I are trying to reconcile. In fact, I feel ashamed and stupid in the eyes of others. It so hard in this throw-away-marriage society to have people "get it" that this is THE person I want to be with. Ugh....how do you overcome these feelings?!?!

I know deep down that we are doing the right thing. I guess that should be enough right? XW has no problem telling her friends and family, they are all actually pretty excited (she's the one who D'd me, and I have to admit it definitely got my buns in gear with regards to LBing and ENs).

I think the problem is that all of my family and friends only know my pain and anguish for the last 15 months. They only know that I had to work two jobs, 7 am-1 am, just to pay for her alimony and child support and was miserable for so very long. And the whole time I just wanted our M back.

Things are so great with us now these past 3 months but I just feel like such a moron in others' eyes. And, yes, I know that shouldn't matter but it's really suffocating me. Do I just bite the bullet and let people know? I know I'll be ridiculed and ostracized at work by the atheists (almost everyone here). Ugh!!!!!

amish,

What does having religion or not have to do with YOUR values and what makes YOU happy, your children happy, and your exW happy? Nothing! Is the short answer. Tell you family you have found happiness, and it was where you knew it would be all along. You have changed, persevered and have accomplished YOUR goal, to reunite YOUR family. Congratulations.

I think if you look them in the eye and tell them this was YOUR goal all along, they will come to understand especially as they see you two together, happy with each other, and making things work.

You should never be ashamed of success. You have succeeded.

God Bless,

JL

You have indeed succeeded Amish. Look at it like this: If your child was in a coma and everyone told you to pull the plug and you resisted, would you feel like a fool if that child survived if when the plug was pulled? If the child then woke up, would you feel guilty about all the money spent during the coma?

If hat happened to you two needed to happen to get your marriahe right, so be it. You have a new marriage and a new chance. If your faith brought you here let it suffice to trust in your future.

You're an inspiration to those who understand the value of reconciliation. Many of us can only wish we had the challenge you're facing. Congrats on your second chance!

Amish
If your friends don't approve of your moral, hard worked-for life choices, its time for some new friends. Really.

All blessings.

Amish,

I agree with the others. This is your choice. So when you do let your family and friends know, ask them to respect your decision on a matter close to your heart. If they agree, then tell them. If they don't, then don't tell them. They will find out anyway and their uninformed conclusions w/b just that.

You make your choices and live with your consquences. That is what you really need to focus on.

L.

AH...Someone who I can relate to. I must say that your feelings are normal. My life was also tore apart. It is and always will be her divorce. I just wanted all the crap over so I signed. She got the big house by getting a huge mortage, she got the boys after agreeing to an almost 50% visitation. I never heard of this place. I wish I did. What happened after our divorce was really bad for me. I lost a ton of weight when all the "friends" decided to tell me things like "I never liked her, etc". Her own best friend, trying to console me told me of an affair my XW had. It was around the same time XW began flaunting her new relationship with someone she had an EA with at her place of work. I was very good friends with a family that worked there and they were very angry at her for everything. What I really learned was that they were never true friends. They were telling my XW of my perceived "exploits" that were not really happening as much as they thouht they were. What I did was I went "dark" , planned B her. After 6 months of it XW began showing interest. Problem was I had a GF that I made it very clear to XW I was not going to cheat on. And I did not. I knew I loved XW but she made the bed...eventually I came around. What I did was hide it from my young boys. They never knew that their mother and I were trying. It was and remains hard. I just moved back in after being gone since 2003.

Your friends should understand your situation. However, they are concerned for you, don't want you hurt again. However, you need to understand that you are making choices. Some of your friends may stop coming around. In our case the only "friends" we lost...were never really our friends in the first place....

My Mom and Dad were so up set they didn't talk to or see us for several months.
I felt they need time to relize that this is what H and I wanted,and in time they became a part of our lives again. They where very hurt themselves by what my H had put us through. Be very patient with your family, it may take them sometime.