Have been too busy to come here lately with the passing of my father, and DS's wedding in Vegas.
I am growing......surprise to all......with my abilities at confrontations.
At work, our office manager made a comment to the other employees about my taking one day off after my father passed away......"What did she take today off for....she had all weekend!" (because it was an inconvenience to her for me not to be there).
After I was told about this comment, I calmed my self (I was TRULY PI$$ED!!!). Then I marched into her office and closed the door. Told her I heard the comment she made about me, and how dare she presume to dictate how anyone should grieve for the loss of their parent. And that just because my parents did not live close to me did not mean that their passing was any less traumatic to me than it would be to anyone else. And I also informed her that her comment was very unprofessional.
She later apologized, and I accepted without much comment on my part. I felt SOOOOOOOOOOO much better having handled myself in a calm manner, but still saying everything that I needed to say.
Then, today, WH and I had to go to separate directions, and WH called me. Said he was depressed, and that he could see in my eyes that I was miserable.
We started talking. I told him that I knew he had renewed contact with OW, and could tell that it started about 3-4 weeks of his returning home.
We discussed the phone cards....he thinks I put one (the one he didn't have knowlege of) in his wallet. The other one (that he owns up to buying) I said I knew that he used it for contacting OW. Who else would he talk to for 3 hours?
He neither denied or owned up to any of this.
I also told him that I deserve a happy life. That I always considered myself happy - even if I had to live in a tent, as long as I had him and our children safe and well. But that now I consider myself happy.....with or without him.
We talked about complete honesty. Of the past, present, and future. And I told him that I felt he was not willing to be honest with my about anything....that he needed to come clean about everything to me. And the fact that he still had a mail box elsewhere and a storage unit elsewhere....well, that he was still trying to keep things secret from me.
That one he tried to turn around on me.....saying that I put his mail in a pile, and then he would find things at the bottom of the pile 2 weeks later, that I never gave him phone messages, etc.
I called "bull" on that one. He knows where the pile of mail is, he can look thru it anytime he wants. And that I always give him his phone messages as soon as I see or talk to him. I told him he was just making excuses to keep his life separate from mine.
Anyway, very long story short, I told him that I chose to be happy - with or without him. That he knew what he needed to do to recover our M, and that he has chosen not to do it.
I told him that I was not going to live as a third wheel the rest of my life. There could be NO connection for us as long as there is a third person in our M. That I deserve a happy life.
I can't remember everything I told him, but made it clear that I knew he was still in contact with OW, and that I was not going to continue with MY life in this manner.
Period.
K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
