hi everyone,

sheesh... where do i start?

my husband of 6 years has dropped the bomb, "i don't know if i want to be married anymore." we've been in counseling for a few months now, and every time the session gets even a little bit emotionally messy, he gets extremely upset and delivers the "this isn't what i came here for."

yeah, i know, i know... i hear ya...

so last night, he moved into the basement and he's spending a LOT of time with his friends, going to movies by himself, etc. he's 31 and we've been together for 10 years total. i know he's not cheating on me because i can access his cell phone logs at any time. i also know the people he's hanging around with. and btw, this is kinda important, he is not a Believer but i am.

the worst part is he tells me he hasn't made up his mind yet if he's definitely leaving. he tells me it's "just as painful for me, if not more" to decide what he's doing. i'm sorry, but i cannot believe it. and yet he still tells me he loves me, cares about me, and wants me to be happy.

?????

i'm being held an emotional hostage and i have no power in what happens. this is the worst feeling in the world.

i know what the Bible says about letting the unbeliever go, but the pain of the gradual death of this relationship is unbearable. after my husband spoke with the counselor alone, the counselor brought me in separately and told me to try to NOT be isolated as much as possible, but i work from home so i spend a LOT of time by myself. ugh... my world is crumbling.

if i cling/beg/plead, it will drive him away. if i ignore him, that will drive him away, too. has anyone else ever been here? i feel like i'm in a living ******. i can't eat, i can't sleep. i don't know what to do with all of this alone time... i've lost my best friend (on Earth).

i tried going to amazon.com to find some books on the subject, but it just made me more depressed. please pray for me. i feel so awful. he's out having the time of his life, living "single" again, and i'm stuck here in despair.

pax,

fieryseraph

Well, he may be cheating, has a phone you don't know anything about, or is just very good at hiding it.

There must be something motivating it, what were the counseling sessions about, and what was so painful then? What was he avoiding even talking about with an MC?

You have my sympathy. I know just what you mean, not knowing what to do with yourself. I too, have been isolated over the years with few friends and limited family members. My husband is not only my best friend, but he is my family. I have spent many nights lying awake watching the clock tick by, and listening to my husband breathing. I have made a midnight trip to emergency room, my heart was beating irregularly, and I was shaking and couldn't stop. The er doc said that my central nervous system was in overload, and that I needed to get some sleep, eat something and rest. He gave me a pill that did help a little. I still shake at times, I am now on a anti-depressent which has belped me to practice detatching from my husbands emotions. I feel a little more stable and not so ready to crack. I didn't need it for depression, but for the anxiety that I had. I am now feeling like I can handle what my husband is doing, and not react emotionally. I don't know if it's the pills or just the fact his asking for a divorce has finally sunk in and I have come to accept what might eventually happen.
Good luck and I hope you work things out.