My wife had an emotional and physical affair about a month ago. They still work together but she says no longer take breaks together.

She is still angry with me for uncovering her secrets. I started investigating months before the affair ever turned physical. In some ways I think she blames me for the affair. "You investgated me and made me unhappy in our marriage. There was nothing going on while you were searching in my personal stuff for so long."

And to an extent she is right. I did search like crazy but she was letting him meet her emotional needs. I found that she had called him and had an hour long coversation and thats when my investigations really took speed. She works in a factory with a LOT of flirting back and forth between coworkers. She has said that she is not flirting or taking breaks with these people anymore. Now they are mad at her for ignoring them.

She is still not sorry for what she has done. She is so angry about the investigation part when she says there was nothing going on, that she in some ways blames me. She does not act sorry or has never said it.

I love her. We have been married for 15 years, 3 kids, but I don't know how much longer I can live with a woman who is angry and cold just at the time I need her to be reassuring and affectionate.

Do you think a separation would snap her out of this denial she is in? Will she ever snap out of it?

What? You were investagating her inappropriate behavior with another man and she continues this behavior and ends up having sex with the guy continuing an affair and blames it on you? Because you were checking this problem out she therefore had to have sex with this guy because there was nothing physical going on when you were first investigating?
Putting your health at risk for STD's and betraying her wedding vows was your fault for being worried and checking up on her? What a load of Bull. She is not remorseful and lays her screwing around on you is so ridiculous it is beyond belief. Ask her what she would be thinking if you said you had to screw another woman because your wife was checking up on you? With this type of mindset I would be looking for an attorney because clearly she does not get it at all and will probably do it again blaming everything on you. I do not know how you could possibly accept such reasoning.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Is the other man married?

Yes he is married.

She did tell me there was no intercourse and just "making out" and nasty e-mails back and forth...which is how I caught her.

She said this morning that she is going to go see a councilor. I said we should separate so she can figure out what she wants to do. I have heard it said if you love someone enough, sometimes you have to set it free. I think I am coming to the conclusion I need to set her free to figure out what she wants to do.