My situation,

My WW took a new job about 4 months ago. She said the new job required her to work in another city for 3 mos. (A training period at the company's home office). After she came back from the training period, I found out about the A. (D-Day 4 weeks ago) She said the A lasted 7 mos., it was over before she started the new job, and the OM lived in another city. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to work on the M, and needed some time away to think about things. She went back to the new company's home office.

Subsequently, I found evidence that the OM was from the city where the company's home office is and where she has been staying for the last 3-4 mos. She's also been visiting this city for the last 2-3 years. She was also staying at the OM's house. I confronted here about this and she says that they were just friends for a long time, then an A for 7 mos., then she ended the A, and was only staying at the OM's house cause he was a friend and said she could stay there. She says he has another place to stay in the city. Also admitted that she had minor contact with OM during this time.

I am in Plan A, last week she stayed at IL's house, (IL's are aware of the A). She said she had her car shipped back to our house. She even visited me and stayed the night before going back to IL's. She now says she's going to spend the next 2 weeks going back and forth between the OM's city and her IL's. She agreed not to stay at the OM's place. She also says she has had NC with OM for 2 weeks.

Is plan A still the right thing? Has anyone gone through similar sitch and can offer some guidance.

I would continue Plan A for a short period. The problem with an affair dragging on, and on (and I suspect she is still having an A), is that YOU will get tired of it. Your love bank will get so overdrawn that you will lose your love for your wife.

That is what happened to me. WH is still with OW, but I don't care. I don't call him anymore. When he comes over to talk, I no longer have any interest in what he has to say.

I understand. I guess I struggle with a couple of things.

She is very detached from me, partly becuase of many years of LB's and partly because of the A. With us apart, I can't seem to breakthrough the detachment. Our conversations are very civil and nice, but basically avoids the topic of the M. She has agreed to some of my requests but will still not agree to not travel to OM's city. She went there yesterday, but is staying a hotel, rather than OM's place. She says she is only there to complete a few projects and then plans on staying away from OM city for an extended period of time.

you absolutely need to be in plan A...
which is NOT discussing marriage...it is meeting needs...surprising her with things...being charming and interesting...and hopeful........

plan a is ALL about continued contact with OP..
also with exposure..have you exposed to family and friends she is in an affair...

what about surprise get away..
what about paying for her to stay in a lush hotel while in that city ..with a massage...

what ACTIONS have you done in plan A..

ARK

Since D-Day, I have bought her flowers, sent gifts, taking care of all of the household stuff, SF a few times, backrubs, compliments, sent some cards, been less controlling, more spontaneous. She filled out the EN questionairre and I've been trying to meet all her EN's and avoid LB's.

I have not been talking to her about the M. Just that I want her to end the A and move back into our house. I just find it difficult not to bring up the A and the fact that she continues to spend so much time on OM's city and I would like her to move back home.

Also, I've asked her to open up and tell me the truth on things. I've told her its safe for us to talk. Should I not be asking for this?