my husband of 7 years, cheated on me last august, I found out..he was extremely apologetic, and seemed repentent and wanted to keep the marriage together..I had been very angry but also wanted to keep the marriage..and was willing work things thru, and out of the blue on valentine's day this year, he told me that he has no love for me anymore and wants out...doesnt want marriage, wants to be able to "explore his options", date other women guilt free!
When i became totally emotionally overwrought, he agreed to a six-month trial separation. Moved out, I tried to still work things out with him...we did marriage counselling - didnt work...he kept trying to convince me that separation is the best for us, not getting back together...
I am financially independent, but have always been emotionally dependent on him...its been 6 months since he moved out and I am going back to my country next month to file for divorce....

What i hate myself for is that during the last few months, I have somehow managed to get access to his email, and cannot rid myself of the morbid fascination of reading his emails....I do it everyday, and even tho it hurts me boyond belief...his flirting with other women, him throwing parties, etc, I keep doing it......I just dont know how to stop...please,, please help!!!! I cannot change the password or any such thing, as he will then come to know, and I dont want that...I am going out of my mind here...and hurting myself everyday.

Get into psychotherapy immediately. You say you don't know how to stop, but understand that this is incredibly unhealthy. No one here is going to be able to get you through this, we simply are not qualified to treat somone sufffering from compulsion. All we can do is tell you to stop, and you already know that. The internet is not the place to go for help with such a problem.

You have to FORCE yourself to STOP. O did the same thing in the beginning. I coulnd't help myself...I would sign on his account and read all the emails and then I would be so hurt and angry. It was doing me no good. You have to think about yourself. Let him do what he may....you can't change it!
When you feel the urge to go read the emails...force yourself to go do something else. It does get easier. Let go!!!!

I concur with the previous two posts...I had spyware on my wife's computer that gave me access to EVERYTHING she on her live-in OM did online on an hourly basis. In order for me to start to heal, I had to tell her about the software and even help her uninstall it.

There is no other way to let go, and if you hold on and obsess, you will only hurt more. Please tell him.


TM

TM is right. You can't even begin to heal until you stop and let go. It really will help you to heal if you just don't do it anymore. It's hurting you.

I can understand why you do this even though you know it's making you miserable.

I'm so sorry this man has hurt you.

Seeking professional help is the wise way to go.

Personally I wouldn't let him know that you've been checking is emails.
I would want him to think that I didn't give a damn what he is up to,even if it's not your true feelings.
Why not let him think that he is not interesting or that important to you any more.
You have far more interest in your own life.
Why not go on a date or two and make sure he knows about it,by say an accidental email.

Anway this is what I'd like to think I could do in your situation.

Wishing you all the best.

Love BrandyB