It’s been 45 day and it just started, I have never been nervous around my W before, it just started this weekend. Sometimes when where together my hands and\or arms shake and I feel nervous…I don’t know why?

Hey HLR,

What you are experiencing is called an anxiety attack. It may be minor right now, but if you don't get it under control it could blow up in your face BIG time. And when I say big time I mean that you may get so out of control that you could cause more damage to your marriage that could possibly be irreversible.

I know a lot of people have asked but I'm gonna ask again... are you on AD's? If you are not... why? Help us understand so we can give you alternatives.

My big anxiety attack almost put me in the hospital. I'm telling you now that you should at least consider ADs and anti-anxiety drugs so that you can get through the rough times till things cool down.

You know my e-mail if you want to talk.

Hopeful4future,

I'm not a big believer in drugs and don't wish go discuss it with my doctor and my Sister who is a doctor.

It's been six months since d-day and I still have "minor" anxiety attacks around my wife. Mine is usually caused by something she's done/doing or a memory triggers them.

I went on AD's and for the most part it seemed to cause me more problems. After talking to my doctor it was determined that my depression wasn't chemical, but situational. The AD's were causing me to have mood swings. I'm not against taking ADs, actually I think they can be very beneficial, just be aware of the side effects.

Well, you could take the Tom Cruise approach and go for exercise and vitamins. Physical outlets help a lot of people relieve stress. Maybe your sister could give you some alternatives.

My point is that some people just can't handle certain things and they stress out so much that they go into a type of panic and can become irrational with their actions. If it gets to that point you will find it difficult to be rational and you could say or do something that you might regret.

I'm also not saying that drugs are the answer to everything, but there are are times when you should consider what they might be able to do for you versus the alternatives or by doing nothing to relieve your stress. Taking AD's doesn't mean you will become dependent on them... it's just something to help you through this crisis and helps to keep your emotions in check.

Something needs to be done for you. Whether it's drugs, herbs, excercise, meditation, etc, but something. If you don't do something soon then the next time you talk to us might be with a note of how she left you because she couldn't handle your anxiety attacks anymore.

Your marriage depends on you remaining rational right now. Find something to help you.

Hopeful you hit it right on the nose. I did a lot of damage after d-day. I'm not sure I deserve all of the blame, but I was so damaged that I said and did things that caused my recovery process to stall.

HLR, take care of yourself, make that your priority right now. I know that is easier said than done, but try.