Well - I think D is the only answer for me and WH..For the 1st time he stayed out all nite after a rather heated argument - ******, it was just an excuse..

Anyway..I'm use to a nice large, private home, big yard, small plan of homes, rural area..I love where I live...

I thought I would stay in the area but finding a house here won't be easy even the new homes they are building are now over priced for what you get and very close together..

I also thought I needed to move from this area so when we are D I won't run into him since we are limited on restaurants,etc.

I'm "thinking" about a patio home - there is an area probably 15 - 20 miles away w/alot of these type of homes. It's a fast moving, very populated area. So different than I am use to..

Does anyone here live in a condo/townhouse/patio home?? Is it noisy?? Do you hear your neighbors? Was it an easy transition from your own home to this type of housing? Heck, I never even lived alone or had an apt...

I am in for huge changes in my life and I don't want to be unhappy w/the house I buy..I worry that if I bought a small house the upkeep would be too cumbersome for me though the privacy would be nice.

I'll be leaving where I've spent the last 13 years making freinds, my horse will be further away which kills me..I love being only 6 miles away and the area doesn't have alot of stables. I'll go from 5 min away to a good 1/2 hr drive - this breaks my heart. But I realize I have to make changes whether I like it or not..

I thought the fast growing area may have alot of singles and restaurants, etc. for me to build new friendships..This is scary at 48 years old..Starting from scratch..I don't have any friends that live in or near this area..

WH doesn't change anything - his life will remain the same and EVERY aspect of mine will change..I cry everytime I think what I have to do for my sanity. It isn't fair but what is fair in my life anymore???

Any input would help...

ITHURTS -

I live in townhouse-style condos. Each building looks like 4 townhouses, but it is actually 6 condos. What would normally be the basements of the townhouses is used to create two additional condos.

It has it's good points and it's bad points. Yes, you do get some noise carryover, though not nearly as bad as you do in apartments. At least, that's the experience I've had. I would guess this depends a lot on the construction of the building you are in. Most of the time I don't hear much of anything. The exceptions are:

1. A small part of the bottom area is actually a part of the condos on top, in order to give them a stairway down to the yard in the back and a small area downstairs for the washer/dryer and hot water heater. Unfortunately, the one upstairs condo has the washer on the wall adjacent to my living room. Even that is not normally a problem, but the people upstairs frequently run loads that go off balance, at which point the whole machine bangs against the wall. THAT comes through.

2. If they are playing music upstairs really loud AND they open their windows/patio doors. But I think it's pretty obvious that since it only happens when they open everything up and then crank the music to hear it outside, it's only an issue because it's coming from outside. Which would be an issue anywhere, unless you managed to get a whole lot of space between your house and the next, which isn't necessarily easy to find these days, depending on where you live.

3. Once in a while, someone upstairs has a really heavy foot and drops lots of very heavy objects. It's not directed at me - I hate loud noise, and never have anything turned up loud. I suspect one of them upstairs gets mad at the other and uses this method to express his/her displeasure. I wish they would find some other, less childish way of doing so (or at least, one that didn't affect me too.) Since it doesn't happen very frequently, it can't be just normal walking around I'm hearing. Fortunately, it really doesn't happen that much.

Another issue, which can be a problem if you have any shared part of a building at all, is that problems in another unit can affect you. Since I'm on the bottom, if one of the upper units has a water leak of any sort, I get the fallout. It can sometimes be difficult to determine which unit actually has the problem without calling in a professional, but of course, no one wants to be the one to call in someone and be responsible for a service call, because it might not be their unit. I had this problem recently. Where the water was coming in, I knew I didn't have any water lines. But the woman upstairs had just had her water heater replaced (which is the general area where the leak was) and so she insisted it couldn't be her problem, because if there was a leak in that wall, the guy would have found it when he replaced her water heater. So, I ended up calling in a plumber, who poked several holes in my wall before determining that the problem was.... on the other side of the wall. Fortunately, I'd had the presence of mind to tell her that I didn't see any way the problem could be in my unit, and that if she wasn't willing to call a plumber in first, then I would, but if he found the problem wasn't in my unit, I was sending him immediately up to her. Which I did. And she did end up using him and paying for it. But some of that stuff can really get tricky.

On the other hand, there are a lot of good things about it too.
I really love the neighborhood I'm in.

I especially like having a condo because I don't have to do most of the groundwork. I have a small amount of trim which I'm responsible for painting, and a very small yard which is my responsibility - I use a weed whacker to mow it. Because it's so small, I eventually plan to put in rock landscaping (and if I can get it past the condo association and into my budget, maybe a hot tub!) so I don't have to mow it at all.

Since it is townhouse-style condos, it isn't like an apartment. Even being in the lower unit, it has much more of a "house" feel to it than feeling like an apartment. And I don't share an entrance - having my own front door without a shared hallway or anything is really nice.

It's actually much bigger than full townhouses that were in my price range (and forget single family homes - there were none in my price range that were also in livable condition and in an area where I felt safe to live.)

Did I mention not having all the house upkeep? It's worth mentioning twice. Growing up, I had to help my parents with all the things that had to be done around the house, as did my brother. It was a whole lot of work, even shared between all of us (I don't count my sister, as she wasn't old enough to help until I was out of the house.) I can't imagine tackling all that alone. Sure, you can hire it out, but that can get expensive (yes, more expensive than my condo fees, which really aren't all that bad.)

It all comes down to what is most important to you. There are times I wish I had a single family home (especially when the washer is banging or the person upstairs really gets to stomping.) But in general, I think the benefits of the condo more than make up for those things, at least for me.

Oh, and sorry I can't really help with the other aspect - the condo is the home we bought together. I kept it. So, I didn't have to move. But, through the end of the marriage, I had ended up being pretty isolated, and all of my family live several states away. In that respect, in some ways it WAS like starting all over again. I pushed myself to make friends and do things.... it's tough, but you can do it. And it will get easier over time.

[color:"brown"] Ithurts [/color] - I'm not sure that there is a uniform answer to your question. [color:"blue"] Osxgirl [/color] gave you some great practical considerations for townhomes/condos. But I did want to add this...You are the same age that I am, similar also in that you are currently in your ideal home/location. You said yourself that you are having to adjust to MANY different changes right now. I suggest that you not do anything "permanent" at this time as far as housing. If your divorce settlement means you'll need to move from your home, why not rent somewhere until you can catch your breath and decide what you want to do as far as type of home and location? Possibly you could even find a rental in a place that is where you might be interested in purchasing. That would allow you a "trial period" to see if you liked it.

I personally couldn't really consider moving (although I did go with a real estate agent one day to look at a couple of places) and ended up purchasing my H's share of our marital home, and staying here.

An OT answer, but I just hope you are doing well under the circumstances.

This process that you and I are going through is something to be done day to day...looking in the future makes the goal seem unobtainable.

You can only "eat this elephant" a few bites at a time...

Tell yourself that you will make it through today...and then do it.

Repeat tomorrow, then the next day and so on...

Right now is the rough part...in a couple of years, you will be SO glad you did this...

Chin up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WNB