WH has decided for sure he wants to continue A, and I am moving back home to the U.S. I read about how you are supposed to take charge of yourself, etc. But me moving back feels terrible. Feels like I am being packed up and shipped out. I've known about so many foreign wives getting dumped for a Hungarian woman. Always had a secret fear that would happen to me....and it did!

I asked him today if he's confident about his decision. He said "no, but I have to see how this plays out. I don't trust myself to stay away from OW". Says if he was still lying I wouldn't be leaving. He'd pretend to be working on us while still seeing OW. He's been crying ALOT since I got back a week ago. A friend who's gone thru this said he should shut the ****** up and stop crying, he's not the victim. I read that to him, he said it turned him cold, and that he can't help what he feels.

One day tells me he loves me and believes that his future is with me, just has to let the A run it's course. Next day that things with her are more serious. He wrote her a break up letter Friday, tells me Saturday he changed his mind, apparently doesn't tell her yet. Then he says she wrote a letter back, stating that she has feelings for him that she's only experienced once before in her life, etc.
Gag... So he has a meeting set up with her today/tonight to tell her that I'm going home and they can continue. Says he's going to tell her that he doesn't know where it will lead. Tells me he thinks one day he'll wake up and look at her and resent her. Resent her? That's funny.
Think he should be resenting his ol bad selfish self !!

I said well now that you've made your choice, you should be excited. You have this relationship to look forward to. He said when he thinks about the whole situation he wants to throw up. Believe me, I can totally talk about this to him in a friendly fashion. No sarcasm (well of course it's there, but not in how I say it). Says he doesn't know her well enough to say how serious he feels, but wants to persue a relationship. God that is hard to hear, we had a really good marriage for a long time. Met in college, worked at three different jobs side by side, I moved to Hungary to help him realize his dream....he says he was always happy up until about a year ago.

How can you be willing to give up (without trying) on 17 great years for someone you don't know that well, and haven't spent enough time with to know if you'll want to be with them long term? I guess that's the addiction huh?
Any other comments are welcome on this!!!

My goodness, how the heck does one listen to all this crap and still want/love the person? I know we all ask ourselves that every day, every hour. Why are they worth it? I do love him with all my heart, but that heart is turning hard.

Thanks for listening.....

{{hugz}}} Sorry you are still hearing the crap from fogland. It thrives all over the world. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you are putting yourself into plan B. R U ready for that? Should you be? R there any children affected by all this?

What are the laws there about OWs?

L.

Yeah, Plan B full speed ahead. No kids, no property.
I wasn't ready for Plan B, but I guess there's not alot of choice in this situation (me living in a foreign country).
If we were in the US I think it would be easier. He's read Surviving an Affair and thinks Plan A wouldn't work. He wants, feels he needs to hit rock bottom (his words).

I want to throw up, the movers are lightening fast (which maybe is a good thing). The OW is an employee. he's the managing director. All our stuff is going to the company's warehouse. He didn't want me to go there to sort through the boxes until after hours, but now says we should go today. Told him I wouldn't do anything, if I had wanted to it would have been done already. I don't need a ride to the office to take care of that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

Oy vey....this is a toughie. Not sure about laws here, but have plenty of lawyer friends. Thanks for the hugs, I need them!

You can live separate and still be in plan A. Hard to do but doable.

Plan B s/b executed when your mind and heart are in sync. Do you still feel internal conflict as what you need to do vs what you feel you want t/d?

L.