Yesterday I was telling Mr. Pep about my cyber *spanking* ...

and I told him you said I need a sponsor and an Al-Anon meeting and I need to avoid doing the AA work-book ...

and a smiling/laughing Mr. Pep said ... "Tell them thank you from me."

So, since he himself is ACA ... we've picked out a meeting to go to together.

I am NOT ACA .... which may be one of the reasons I felt more at home in the AA meetings I attended than I ever did in the Al-Anon group I joined. Within a month, the Al-Anon group was asking me to do some leadership things, which I did, but I found that when I assumed more of a leadership role, I got less and less from the meetings. So, I quit going.

Mr. Pep said, "You just haven't found the right group yet. Keep looking."

Sometimes, I just want to blend in ....

... and...

I found it infinitely easier to ~blend in~ at AA meetings .... especially around here, where every 5th person is some level of celebrity. I was wallpaper at AA meetings. I was too visable at Al-Anon meetings.

Your thoughts?

aaah...well...

it's called 'service' because its not leadership.

The 12 Traditions are a lovely often ignored part of the Al Anon program. They teach us how to practice the 12 steps in our relationships and community.

Sounds like you needed a sponsor to help you work through your service/leadership confusion within the group.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I agree with Mr. Pep. I think you probably didn't find the right group. I don't see any reason you should feel more at home in an AA group.

I loved my group, but it meets at lunchtime and I don't take a lunch now that I'm working. My group never *asked* anyone to take leadership roles. The opportunity was always there...but you were also welcome and free to come in and not say a word (which I did on occasion). So, if you don't want to do it ~ well don't!

I got all involved in my son being gone and my new job and I thought I was better and I'd be ok. I'd just read in my books. I dropped by the wayside myself. I am hoping BrambleRose will tell us this happens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've realized just recently how much I miss it. I noticed in the newspaper sometime back that there was a late afternoon meeting in the same building as my former therapist. I may check it out.

And remember, I am NOT an adult child of an active alcoholic...just sick behaviors that have passed down. Regardless, AlAnon helps me in all relationships.

Your pal,
Suz <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I do need a sponsor. One in the flesh who can smell my Bull**** .... I'm pretty clever at disguising it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OK ... good point.

It felt like something I did not want to do ... and was obligated to do.

Why is that?

I won't disagree in the least with this!

However, I'm going to ask you something hard...the impression I get from you is that you think you need a special "super" sponsor, that the normal every day regular sponsor just isn't good enough for you?

Are you that bad, or that different and special than the rest of us normal Al-Anon qualifiers?

Aren't we all! I think even WE do not recognize our own bull sometimes.

I wonder if the feeling about *leading* was your issue or something you really felt they were imposing.

I've never know you to have a hard time saying no. Why did you have a hard time saying no there?

Susan

Because you approached it as an obligation, a job, yet another responsibility.

Service is where you give back to the group. It is a position of humilty and gratitude and one of a submitted will to the group conscience.

It is not about ME. It is not about fixing the group or leading the group or being the star.

You were uncomfortable because something was out of whack with you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am arrogant ... and I am smart ... and I can see this is a problem.

I have a friend I met through Mr. Pep's AA group. She is so great, I wish she could be my sponsor, but she's AA non Al-Anon. I want someone like her. She has POWER ... and maybe I am ~afraid~ to rely on someone with less power than myself.

Help.

Did you consider that your idea of "power" could be out of whack?

Prolly is out of whack

I was attracted to a particular member in my meeting that was an AA and Alanon member both.

Gosh. I was scared to touch this, but what makes you think she has POWER?

And how would you know someone has less power than yourself?

When I chose my sponsor, I chose someone who had what I wanted.

I did not pick someone based on whether or not I thought she could handle me.

Its a pretty disrespectful judgement to approach it that way, don't you think?

and yes, arrogant is a pretty good word for it.

sytbkt...I hate that word. I was called that recently remember.

I must examine this.

She's the woman who has invited me to join her book reading club. She's a large person, with a loud voice, red hair, laughs a lot, is politically connected, and she lights up a room.

Maybe "power" is the wrong word.

wattage .... may be more like it

or even

*gulp*

sad to admit

*volume*

I need someone louder than myself ... maybe that is bull**** too!

Help me with this BR ... I see it as realistic and not disrespectful.

She has CHARISMA!

And based on BR's theory for picking a sponsor is this what you want? LOL

Or do you just like her?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />