Hello
My husband and i have been married less than a year.
We are very different when it comes to sexual relations. I joked once about being tied to the bedpost and he laughed but he didn't think it was funny. I was only half joking. He doesn't masturbate and doesn't like talking about it. I respect his limits and don't ask him for "kinky" sex. The thing is, I feel shy around him when it comes to sex and don't want to say what's on my mind. He is older than I am, and quite old-fashoined. At the same time I feel guilty for not being able to talk to him about sex.
I'm wondering from men out there, will it bother him if I try to talk about it? How do you bring something like that up? I'd like to surprise him some night in a sexy way (like go out to dinner without underwear on) but I'm afraid to. Part of it is I'm not beautiful and I'm not built so I'm also afraid to turn him off.

If your husband loves you, then he sees beauty and perfection in your face and your body. You excite him. Can you think of an open-ended, not too graphic type of question about sex, and ask him softly as you get into bed? Something like, what was the most exciting experience you ever had while making love? and if he answers, draw him out. Ask him if you two can do that exciting thing together.

I would rejoice at the thought of a kinky woman in my life. Instead I have a plain jane in bed.
Whenever I bring it up she freaks to. No matter what angle I try: Nice- freaks, Not nice- freaks, Gently - freaks, Demanding - freaks, Loving - freaks. Pretty hopeless right now.

I have not been able to solve the mystery about how to get her to let go of those sexually depriving inhibitions of hers in 7 years now. It has come down to either divorce or using Dr Harley's methods. I am going to try #2 when I get back.

Do not neglect your desires, remember you have to spend the rest of your life with this man. It will eat away at you eventually.

We made time for each other and talked a little last night. It's funny because apparently it's been on his mind and he brought it up. I felt really embarrassed and shy and had a hard time talking.

He shared with me that i don't communicate well including sexually. It was so wonderful of him to share that because I didn't realize it. I need to make a commitment to trust him enough to communicate more openly.

I asked him straight out about his sexual experiences. He was married for 16 years before and dated a few women before he married and after his divorce. He said he's had 5 sexual partners and has always had very traditional straightforward sex. Early on in our marriage I told him I liked to be tied to the bedpost and he thought I was insane. He said that wasn't normal and not very many people did that.

I felt rejected possibly because I thought that men liked to get a little kinky and then I didn't know how to make love to him. I want so much to please him and I also get really excited by exploring interesting stuff.

We went into an adult store together and he seemed disgusted by it so I felt shy and said nothing. It didn't help that the clerk carded me. I'm not into toys at all or pornography either but there were some interesting card games and books you could read. We just walked out.