Hi to all,
OK I'll try a basic run down. 2 weeks ago when I was In Costa Rica, I called my family to say Hi the next night I called, and ther was a different tone In my Wifes voice, I asked what up and she told me she's leaving me. I jumped on the next plane back and the next day confronted her as to what's happening. She told me It's over, that the arguments we have had over 3 month's were too much!
3 Month's ago I found out we were $36K in debt with CC, that I new nothing about, and that we are going to have to file bankrupcy. I lost trust in her then. Then I found out she was slow dancing and getting close to some guy on her night out with the girls. Then I find out she Is calling some other guy every other day for 30 mins at a time and racking up $160+ cell phone bills. All these things bothered me and I told her so. Now she has admited to having an affair for the last 6 weeks, with a guy we both met while camping. She wants a divorce and right now Is filing the papers. I know this Is crazy but I still want her and want to save the M

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It sounds like there are more problems in the marriage than the affair (her compulsive spending). I would secure my finances first. Disconnect the phone if you can, and file for bankruptcy. Get a seperate bank account.

Unfortunately, affairs and blowing lots of money go hand in hand. I failed to protect myself, and WH went through all of our savings, his retirement money, and is now sniffing around for more.

After you have done the above, read about Plan A. That is the starting point.

Welcome to MB. As Believer said, secure your finances asap. click here for WAT's guide for betrayed spouses. Read up on the basic concepts and arm yourself with knowledge. Keep posting.

What the others said. Don't panic.

Consider seeing your doctor about anti-depressants. You've got a very hard road ahead.

Does the "MN" in your name refer to where you live?

GC

I have done all I can regarding finances, and I am currently attempting to get her to get the car loan (hers) out of my name. I can't beleive how she has done all this to me 4 month's ago she was calling me her soul mate!!!!
Now she want's out. She is willing for me to keep the house, but she wants $20k of equity money. I would have to do a refy, but I can't because I will be banckrupt by then too!
Thank's for the anti depressant suggestion, but I don't take stuff. Not even Tylenol, I would rather cope. Although if I don't eat/sleep soon I will have too.
Get this too, she's still in the house won't move out until she's good and ready, and spend all time on the phone talking to friends/and ofcourse her lover
I am from MN

Time for exposure.

MNT, I lost the usual... 30 pounds in 30 days.

I resisted ADs. I was unable to eat, sleep, or work. I would cry at very inconvenient times - in a meeting, at the grocery store checkout, etc. I started having panic attacks. When I finally went on them I didn't feel good, but there was never a feeling of being woozy or "drugged". Just well enough to function on a basic level and deal with the things that I needed strength for. That was coping.

I don't think you should get ahead of yourself w/r/t the financials. She could end her affair. And if she doesn't, and you wind up divorced, you'll both be bankrupt.

Nonetheless, get consultations with lawyers immediately, if you haven't already.

Now. Have you begun to think about the circumstances that made your M vulnerable?

Please keep posting!

I'm also in MN.

GC